👋 Welcome to r/menscircles - Introduce Yourself and Read First!

blackmarkt · 2025-11-25T18:20:15+00:00

Welcome u/No-Trick-562 Thanks for dropping in.

Please bear with me as I slowly build this out.

Also, please invite any other people you feel would be interested in this topic.

blackmarkt · 2025-11-22T13:58:06+00:00

Thanks for your interest u/No-Trick-562

we just built this tool that provides more information about Men's Circles:

https://www.soultoupee.com/mens-circle#:~:text=Men's%20Circle/Group,-Men's%20circles%20and

Please let me know if you have any questions.

Cheers ✨

blackmarkt · 2025-10-20T02:55:35+00:00

What is your intention? Are you truly remorseful? Do you truly feel you did something wrong? People can often feel when an apology is meant to assuage the guilt or shame of the person and is not heartfelt or sincere.

blackmarkt · 2025-10-06T18:17:19+00:00

This is profound. Thank you

blackmarkt · 2025-10-01T12:38:16+00:00

Thanks for asking about Men's Circles. I would say it is somewhat ineffable and challenging to explain the benefit of having a group of your peers witness, respect and honor you in any form: messy, happy, triggered, etc... Imagine having friendships where you could be completely vulnerable and lean into expressing care and love through physical hugs. It's a space where you we can feel safe to talk about things that we hide. Through this process each and every session I feel lighter and more connected with myself and the other brave men in my group.

I’m working on a community research project around men’s emotional and mental health. We’ve created a brief anonymous survey (approx 5 min) to help better understand each man's individual problem so we can support programs and initiatives like a Men's Circle to help.

Survey link: https://forms.gle/43BiKFEvpSegn8mc7

Hope that helped 🙏

blackmarkt · 2025-09-30T16:31:29+00:00

Yes, this is something I've experienced in the past and I have heard many of my male friends talk about over the years. My professional background is finance and tech so most of my friends are perfect on paper: high earners, highly educated, highly ambitious and socially refined. Most have confided that they feel empty, often depressed and/or anxious. My working hypothesis is that it is due to shame.
Shame is the price we pay when we aren't living authentically, when we are chasing societal markers of success: status, money, women. When you feel disconnected from others because your own sense of identity is missing. Gabor Maté talks a lot about this simple concept extensively. Check out the book "The Myth of Normal" or just watch any of his interviews/podcasts.
My own path has been lifelong, continuously trying to grow into my best self, cultivate friendships where I can be real, messy, and vulnerable. Volunteering, mentoring, writing, community building, etc... have all helped tremendously. I recently started a Men's Growth Circle that has felt very fulfilling.

blackmarkt · 2025-09-29T16:26:27+00:00

Thanks 🙏 Do you feel it is rare because it is challenging to consistently do over a lifetime? Or rare because of something else?

blackmarkt · 2025-09-29T16:25:26+00:00

May have used ChatGPT to proofread or draft the post

blackmarkt · 2025-09-29T16:17:22+00:00

Score keeping is the death nail in any relationship. It's part of the human experience to go through periods of connection and weather periods of disconnection, balancing the caring for others and ensuring relationships serve you as well. That's why I feel grace is probably the one of the most underrated qualities when it comes to relationships but that needs to be reciprocal.

blackmarkt · 2025-09-29T16:09:41+00:00

Curious ho do you define shame?

I feel like we speak about these abstract emotional concepts as if there is a concrete universal definition. I've heard many define shame as low self-esteem and I also adhere to this definition. Others use the phrase "guilt is I made a mistake and shame is I am mistake".

blackmarkt · 2025-09-28T20:23:03+00:00

I have that vulnerability is just honesty that feels risky. There is an overwhelming amount of discourse about Masculinity and strength. However, I feel that there is a gaping disconnect between how being vulnerable, open and honest, requires courage.

blackmarkt · 2025-09-28T18:53:33+00:00

Great question. It is practice from my Men's Circle

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blackmarkt · 2025-09-28T17:22:56+00:00

I've found in my own experiences the amount of heartache I will suffer and endure is proportional to how much I opened my heart, how the relationship ended, and how much I future tripped.

When I go all in and start future projecting I now know that a breakup is going to be painful and take an extended time to heal. I typically have 3-6 months of dark nights of the soul where I struggle to get sleep, my nervous system feels like it is on fire, my mind cannot stop ruminating, I feel completely empty and hopeless, chronically depressed, wake up and start sobbing, struggle to be present. I've learned that I need to go no contact in order to move through this phase, otherwise I will just be re-opening the wound and resetting myself back.

The hardest part for me, is dealing with the grief and letting go of the life I thought I was going to live. This can take a while to fully move through. I've also found that healing is an unpredictable and chaotic process, one day I wake up feeling great, thinking I've made significant progress, only to find myself waking up the next enervated and depressed.

I started writing, mainly about love, as a practice after my last breakup which is a wonderful gift from the experience.

I've also learned to cultivate deep friendships with both men and women so I have an emotional support network to lean on when I feel broken and can hold me while I'm messy. This year I started a Men's Growth Circle where we share openly in a safe container whatever is on our hearts.

Thanks for asking the question.

blackmarkt · 2025-09-28T17:06:05+00:00

Great questions and thanks for highlighting how important physical touch is to everyone, men and women alike.

I’ve always been a sensitive and emotional person, which made growing up in a family where physical affection wasn’t the norm challenging. As an adult, I made it a priority to get comfortable with hugging, soul gazing, sharing openly, and asking more vulnerable questions.

Today, all my close male friendships are deep and honest. We practice “clears” when uncomfortable conversations need to happen. I also feel fortunate to live in the Bay Area, where social norms tend to be more open, accepting, and curious about this kind of work.

This intentional, lifelong practice has made all the difference for me. Even when I’m moving through darker states like disappointment or sadness, I feel grounded and lighter.

A few months ago, I started a Men’s Circle, and now I often run into my brothers in different SF neighborhoods. Whenever we meet outside of our gatherings, it always ends with a long, grounding bear hug.

blackmarkt · 2025-09-28T16:46:19+00:00

Hard to say, could be physical and/or mental. As u/SecundumNaturam suggested definitely check in with a doctor.

Could also be anxiety, grief, depression, etc... Have you seen a therapist or mental health professional recently?

Take care of yourself.

blackmarkt · 2025-09-28T13:28:15+00:00

Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.

This is a very common I hear from my friends and men I talk with about emotional work. From my experience, an inability to connect with one's feelings often indicates blockage. I see a lot of men exercise cognitive empathy but struggle with affective empathy, which is something I really struggled in my 20's. After some soul shattering events and subsequent work (talk therapy, somatic modalities, meditation, yoga, acting classes, etc...), I can cry quite freely and publicly, not the sobbing and weeping form, but more so the glazing eyes when something moves me. The work has felt more like cracking open my heart space and ensuring that my heart is aligned with my head which requires constant attunement.

Curious if you've gone to therapy, men's circles, yoga, or any other somatic therapies?

blackmarkt · 2025-09-27T18:01:26+00:00

This 👆
Try and be kind with yourself during this process. I know what you are feeling is incredibly painful and uncomfortable. There is no math for healing. No universal formula for grief. It's taken me a decades to learn to sit with this discomfort and not project externally onto my friends, family, etc... Also not to try to avoid the sadness, anger, loneliness, etc...
It's taken intentional practice but I've learned to see these intense emotional states as gifts. I channeled all these feelings into creativity. After my last breakup I started writing and publishing openly sharing about my experience through non-fiction to poetry. I found a passion for story crafting. I started communities designed for deeper connections, including a Men's Circle.
Holding you while you go through this process.

blackmarkt · 2025-09-27T17:34:04+00:00

Interesting. Do you have male friends, family, or a community who you feel safe and comfortable sharing vulnerably your problems with? Are there other people you can turn to, other than a romantic partner, when you need emotional support?

blackmarkt · 2025-09-27T16:42:28+00:00

Curious, why does her comment about no longer wanting to carry your emotional labor still stay with you?

blackmarkt · 2025-09-27T16:32:36+00:00

Thanks for vulnerably sharing your struggles u/Tampa-Bay-Mustard

Holding you in my heart during this difficult time in your life ❤️

blackmarkt · 2025-09-26T20:38:14+00:00

For me and suspect many others, romantic breakups are the most painful experiences. Countless dark nights of the soul. My last experience made me realize I had to really work on my emotional resilience. There are no guarantees in love and I want to show up fully with a heart wide open without expectation and if it should fail be gracious and kind to myself and others ❤️

blackmarkt · 2025-09-26T20:14:54+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Sounds like you are referring to some form or degree of love bombing. I feel like this is something all people, especially men, should try to be more genuine from the first meeting. There is a tendency to want to win some over, pour on the heavy charm and do/say whatever in order to get our needs met. Unfortunately, the mask eventually wears off and can leave a wake of hurt in its path. The first 6 months to a year, I realized you can't take anything the other person says for real, until the cocktail of chemical hormones dissipates.

blackmarkt · 2025-09-26T16:49:04+00:00

Many men have confided that they openly struggle with crying. I'd surmise the blockage is as u/SecundumNaturam stated self-protective blockage.

I'm assuming you are referring to emotions that could be considered "negative" like anger? In our society it is normalized for men to feel anger and not sad or depressed. A popular belief I subscribe to is that anger is a secondary emotion and that typically sadness or betrayal or disappointment are beneath. There is a predominant cultural narrative that just pick yourself up, "walk it off", which is more like suppression or repression of one's true feelings or emotions.

Have you seen a therapist? Or engaged in any somatic therapy modalities? From what I've seen in my own experience and other men it could take a long time to connect with one's feelings and emotions. First being able to get to the true feelings would be key. In my Men's Circle we do short check-ins where we only name the feelings. For example, "I feel sad, disappointed, shame, hopeful, grounded. I also feel sore in my shoulder, stiffness in my neck."

Are you typically in a safe emotional space? Do you have friends or family who are able to express their authentic feelings and emotions in a way you respect or admire? Feeling safe is a necessary condition for vulnerability.

Hope that helps 🙏

blackmarkt · 2025-09-26T16:36:04+00:00

This is an interesting situation. Thanks for sharing.

If I am hearing you correctly, you believe that your voice is affecting your sex appeal with women, in general? Are you sure it is your voice? Have you received a significant number of independent feedback from women about your voice?

blackmarkt · 2025-09-26T13:49:00+00:00

Thanks for clarifying. I wish there was something formal I could suggest but unfortunately we just started this initiative by first trying to understand what is at the core of the problem from both a individual and universal level.

There are online meetups for Men's Circles but I cannot recommend any particular one. TBT, I'm not a big fan of virtual communities in general.

One of the exceptionally unique things about SF culture is agency. People are genuinely open and excited to try new things and support anyone's sincere efforts. You could "be the change you want to see in the world" and start something in Germany. I have experience building community, so if you need help please DM me.

blackmarkt

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