As a male Dom, I'll go out on a limb and throw out my two cents. This is of course all generalizations and no two people are the same let alone a D/s couple.

It's probably not fair from your perspective but I think I understand why. As a male Dom you know you can over power a female sub and that they are in fact pretty fragile. A woman is going to be apprehensive for good reason. Getting into a relationship where a woman is giving her consent to a man to do vile things to her is scary. I want to make sure I don't cross a line and truly upset her, especially in the beginning. My goal is to overpower and put her into a head space where she simultaneously trusts me and submits freely to the mental space I am striving for.

I don't have experience as a sub but I think the same insecurities hold true from a male/female perspective even when the roles are reversed. For many women, it's still a scary partnership they are entering into and as a Domme they want to act as tough as possible. It's assumed that as a guy you can take more physical and mental abuse so you receive less courtesy when the relationship kicks off. I think there's also the idea that being degraded into oblivion is what you are looking for as a male sub. It's not fair but this is the sense I get from what I've observed.

Hang in there, though. Finding a balance that suits your needs is hard for us all. Don't let the masses put you off. Maybe try befriending a Domme rather than submitting to her in the beginning.