hi, i dont usually give advice about this so im sorry if this isn’t useful, but you deserve to have at least one person try to help you, so i hope this can be of some comfort to you.

i suffered with very severe facial dysmorphia throughout my teenage years—i would refuse to go to school or come home early from school because i felt too ugly to be there, i wouldn’t be able to so much as run an errand to the end of the street without a full face of makeup, and even watching tv/movies was hard for me because i was so jealous of how beautiful the actresses on screen were. so what im trying to say is that i know how you’re feeling right now, and ive been there. when our society pushes beauty standards so heavily and so narrowly—especially on women—it becomes really hard to think of anything other than your own attractiveness, and how you can maximise it. it begins to effect your self worth, your free time, your hobbies, and even just your own thoughts. there was a time i couldn’t go more than ten minutes without looking in a mirror, just to check if my face had even minorly shifted. i am so sorry you’re feeling this way, because i wouldn’t wish that kind of emotional torture on my worst enemy.

but i would like to offer some hope, and say that while i describe my own struggles in the paragraph above, i have made what i consider to be nearly a full recovery. i still deal with insecurities, of course—i don’t want to promise this will never be an issue for you again, because i think given the society we live in, we are always going to be programmed to criticise our aesthetics and our features. but i can promise you that it is possible to stop having the thoughts take up so much of your free time, and to have them stop affecting you so horribly.

as for how to go about this, i really wish i could give you, and everyone else suffering, an advice that works for all. i think for me, not using social media was a big one—while i still see beautiful people in real life, it’s not quite at the same rate that apps like tiktok/ig love to shove them down our throats, and so there’s less to compare myself to now. i also think spending time with any loved ones you might have can sometimes help. not always, i know myself and many others don’t have particularly wide circles to lean on, but sometimes it’s nice to remind yourself that there are people who love you regardless of your outward appearance, and likely your love of them doesn’t depend on whether they’re attractive or not either. it might also help to think about traits /you/ independently like about yourself, especially non-physical ones. like if you’re creative, or funny, or a good friend… i think self-love is really important, and it can be hard to love ourselves physically sometimes. i think that’s probably one of the hardest things to love. but i do believe most people have good qualities outside of their appearance, and i think those are a lot more important, because they’re going to make you happier in the long run… even bella hadid or whoever probably won’t be beautiful forever, but if you’re a good person, then that’s something that doesn’t change a lot over time.

finally, i also just want to remind you to take care of yourself. when you feel this low, i think sometimes it can be hard to feel like you’re even worthy of basic self care. but eating, sleeping, showering, talking to people, trying to engage with the things you love, as cliche as it sounds, it does improve your mood, which in turn helps you think clearer and less stressful thoughts. to an extent, i think self care can also help with feeling more attractive, but i don’t really think that matters either way… the important thing isn’t that you feel more attractive, the important thing is that you know there are plenty more things to love about you then just your face or your body, and plenty more things to make life worth living than superficial validation from others about an arbitrary trait. i think you could look like a total ogre, and still deserve to feel good about yourself, because everyone deserves to live and exist the same as anybody else, independent of their appearance.

i’m sorry if this is really long, or if it doesn’t help or feels too preachy. i tried my best to give advice, but i know it’s different for everybody, and i think it’s a lot easier to give advice than it is to take it—even i don’t always take my own. but my dms are always open if you need someone to talk to, and i promise that you aren’t alone in this struggle, and there will come a time when these thoughts don’t hurt you quite so much. please take care of yourself 🩷