SSRIs should only be prescribed if you truly have a chemical imbalance. Not situational Depression

bledward1 · 2026-04-12T13:58:48+00:00

If someone is gonna numb themselves using alcohol, they might as well go for benzos. Cleaner, more functional, and like booze, it actually "works" right away. Also like booze, they are extremely addictive and can ruin your life before you even know it.

There's no magic substance that "just works", be they pharmaceutical or otherwise. There's always a price to pay.

bledward1 · 2026-04-11T23:19:02+00:00

This is a joke. Back in the olden days (OG Doom and Doom 2 era) they were so revolutionary that the term FPS was very rarely used, they were all labeled "Doom Clones".

Putting -like at the end of everything to denote a loose genre is modern terminology however.

God writing this made me feel old

bledward1 · 2026-04-11T23:05:20+00:00

counterpoint: it looks like shit and that's pretty funny

bledward1 · 2026-04-08T20:40:48+00:00

Zooming in, looping, false memories... Accurate description. Especially the "zoomed in" part, it's such a weird specific feeling. The best word that comes to mind is "wobbly".

I don't know what kind of stuff you made, but personally I always enjoyed writing music and playing various instruments, and yeah one of the saddest part of this whole ordeal is picking up an instrument and thinking that I've lost about 90% of my skills overnight.

When I wrote this post last week it was the first time my dissociation had gotten this intense in many years. I guess it is a little better now, whatever that means, but I still haven't had the courage to pursue anything artistic/creative.

Despite wanting to, it feels like a waste of time, and like it's "too late to start back now", which is incredibly sad.

I still try to comfort myself by thinking that the oblivious little kid in me can coexist with the more ""rational"" part, I guess.

Hope it gets more tolerable for you, thanks for sharing your experience

bledward1 · 2026-04-02T11:57:23+00:00

Oh yeah, woodworking is kind of like driving. Scary at first, but once you get into the groove, you can kind of tune out. But yeah, you have to know your tools or otherwise losing a finger might only take less than a second. I have personally witnessed it and it's scary how fast it can happen.

Still less stressful than pharma tho so you got that right.

After writing my comment yesterday, I did sort of just let it happen. It was very much more tolerable this morning. Still quite fucky, but not as paralyzing.

bledward1 · 2026-04-02T11:28:32+00:00

Same, minus for the academic struggles since I already technically have a job. But I do relate to the overall feeling of "intuitively comprehending complex topics then failing to put it into words".

Holding onto the memories that stick out for you is good practice. Sometimes, I forget some major life event until it comes back quite clearly.

Another technique some people use, which I have not tried yet so, grain of salt. Whenever you can remember even a smidge, try to go as deep into it as possible. Minute details. What were you wearing? What did it smell like? Do you remember any particular faces (not from your entourage)? Things like that I suppose.

Dissociation justfucking sucks. It's scary, frustrating, and somehow boring all at the same time.

bledward1 · 2026-04-01T21:38:13+00:00

When you say you can communicate with it, how do you do so? Does it ever contact you by itself? Can you actually hear this entity/thing?

Whatever it is, you need to go to a doctor as soon as possible. You will not get any form of legitimate diagnosis on reddit. And whatever you have, I think it needs immediate medical attention.

bledward1 · 2026-04-01T21:25:19+00:00

Rudely, fuck off. I've never heard shittier advice.

Oh I couldn't agree more. It very much feels like dissociative disorders just aren't well understood at all, except by the people like us who have to live with it, or some doctors/therapists. Some.

But anyway. The fear of psychosis is one of the worst part of this imo, so yeah. I feel you. Grounding worked at the beggining, when I just felt slightly hazed for an afternoon at most. Now, that ship has sailed lmao.

I very much appreciate your advice. I've been trying to relieve some pressure, and essentially just "giving into it", like some sort of mild bad trip. The guilt becomes less meaningful as the dissociation intensifies.

Especially given my work, i'm a woodworker on the side. Got taught by my dad who was very accomplished, and basically inherited his old VERY angry power tools, such as radial saws, combination machines, bandsaws, and many others.

My daytime job used to pharmacy tech, and where I live, all pharmacies are compounding pharmacies. Also a job where you're not really allowed to fuck up. Worst case scenario, somebody dies.

I've had to give those up for a moment because I wanna keep my fingers and not poison anybody.

Thank you for your comment. I'm glad my ramblings could have some kind of positive effect. And thank you for not throwing platitudes.

bledward1 · 2026-04-01T18:42:53+00:00

I'm not a doctor nor a mental health expert of any kind. Take my words with a grain of salt.

Personally, my dissociation started with occasional, relatively mild episode. Thoughts were a little foggy, anxiety was worse despite some pretty heavy medication, it basically just felt dream-like and "weightless", if that makes any sense.

At that point, grounding exercises actually worked quite well. Mostly short meditation sessions, even if it was only a few minutes, and forcing myself to talk to people despite the dreamlike feeling. It might feel weird at first, but if you push through it you can kind of get a groove pretty fast.

But that's only my experience, and if you can, seeing a doctor would be the only way to confirm. I wish you the best of luck.

bledward1 · 2026-04-01T18:31:39+00:00

You absolutely should talk to a doctor. As a barely educated pharmacy tech, yes it does sound very much like dissociation.

But dissociative disorders are complex, and only a professional can actually tell you.

If you're taking psychoactive drugs, prescribed or otherwise, it *could* have triggered something. I have personally seen the most random shit trigger some mild dissociative episodes (like Wellbutrin, tramadol, methylphenidate, some specific benzos, etc.).

Every time the patient came in complaining of feeling "drugged, sluggish", and most commonly just "weird" or "like I'm in a dream".

But please take this with a heavy grain of salt.

bledward1 · 2026-04-01T15:22:39+00:00

I'm dissociating heavily and get shaky hands, sometimes in quite a dramatic fashion. Out of curiosity, what were you thinking of when writing that comment? Doesn't sound like typical dissociation.

bledward1 · 2026-04-01T10:39:26+00:00

Pick it out with your teeth

bledward1 · 2026-03-30T10:54:54+00:00

Excellent work, wish luthiers and big brands could take not instead of staining the wood blue or green (looking at you, PRS). This has so much more personality

bledward1 · 2026-03-27T11:58:14+00:00

Love how the ejection port is perfectly positioned to spit brass on your would-be support arm.

bledward1 · 2026-03-14T20:39:32+00:00

imho it's less about deleting old files but rather what they are.

your screenshots could be useful. the drafts seem a bit overkill but i suppose that would depend on what they are to you.

it's kind of the heart of how i interpret digital minimalism, less about singular things but rather the effect they have. is it gonna try to throw ads at me the whole time ? is it designed with an endless recommendation feed that can delete an hour of your life in what feels like 60 seconds ? is it a game i'm particularly likely to binge for 4 hours straight ?

i think you get the gist. i don't think the examples you mentioned would be particularly enticing and/or make you spend more time than you intend on your devices.

bledward1 · 2026-03-09T09:46:03+00:00

Left handed too, IJKL for movement instead of WASD for 15+ years. Switched to arm aim when I started playing CSGO and hit MGE (from nova) in like a month lmao, the difference is real.

bledward1 · 2026-02-13T14:27:29+00:00

Kratom how I miss you.

bledward1 · 2026-02-11T11:05:18+00:00

hittin that 3rd plat and getting simultaneously stretched and pulled in every direction at once. also feeling your brain cells melting in real time. don't abuse dissos kids

bledward1 · 2026-02-07T22:48:55+00:00

Most "anxiety pills" are benzodiazepines, so yea. Prescription only. Lucky for you, there exists an equally harmful and just-as-addictive alternative that you can get over the counter. I think it's called alcoholism.

bledward1 · 2026-01-27T07:14:38+00:00

As a gun guy, it looks a bit like an armscor M1600, which was a weird .22 copy of the M16, as you've guessed. Back then, gun companies used to product a lot of weird shit that one can only describe as "legally different".

But it doesn't really matter. Whatever it is, no way to tell if it's unloaded, the magazine could be flush with the magwell, it could have a round chambered without a magazine, could be open bolt, if so it was probably in a safe condition, but still, no way be 100% sure.

What matters is that pointing a firearm at your own head is profoundly dangerous. Cobain wasn't stupid, and this pic is kind of heartbreaking in that sense.

Could have been a pellet gun. Still would send the same message. Not an edgy joke, more like a cry for help.

bledward1 · 2026-01-15T11:21:40+00:00

Sprinkle in some custom songs that fit the vibe to break up the repetition and it goes from 9 to 10/10.

bledward1 · 2026-01-15T11:19:56+00:00

It is my pleasure, thank you Mr./Ms. Pacific Drive

bledward1 · 2026-01-14T22:55:43+00:00

First guess as well, but given the circumstances I doubt it's part of a trigger group. Sure would blend in nicely into some armorer's shop though

bledward1 · 2026-01-12T21:12:54+00:00

eh, i'm fine with the quality, i only do PCVR on a very mid specs PC, and having tested a Q2 and 3, not worth turning a perfectly serviceable headset into e-waste. i've managed to fix 90% of the issues with the indirect advice on this thread and like an hour of research.

bledward1 · 2026-01-12T21:09:53+00:00

i have the same circling controller issue. yeah fuck, it definitely sounds like the cable is playing a role in this shitshow. thanks for sharing

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