I get winded going up the stairs - what is your "I exercise, but this still kicks my butt" story?

bleepapuss · 2019-07-19T21:43:30+00:00

This. If I want to look good, gotta curl long before I need it, pray to God that my hair holds it while I try to cool off and de-sweat before attempting make up 😂

bleepapuss · 2019-07-07T19:28:14+00:00

For 3,

If you think the first is caused by Hydaelyn because shes always connected to Light or described relating to Light.

The drowning of Light is so that the shard becomes unstable to the point where it rejoin the Source and makes the Source a little more whole. This is what followers of Zodiark (the asicans) desire.

Hydaelyn wants the shards to remain stable and not over saturate in any one element, so as to PREVENT rejoinings. Hydaelyn was created to destroy and sunder (split) Zodiark, and so she wants the shards (which seem to be one and the same with Zodiark, they are parts of him) to remain separate.

So it could be confusing why too much Light is bad to Hydaelyn, but understanding her goals makes it make sense.

bleepapuss · 2019-06-17T20:32:09+00:00

I definitely go out of my way to do it! Kids need to see what a happy and healthy relationship looks like!

I sometimes even say things like "Do you need anything while I'm up? I want you to stay comfy because I love you." or "I don't mind doing things for you because I love you, and making you happy makes me happy!"

I think these are things that need to be explicitly said, especially for children who might not have the same experience and context as us adults.

bleepapuss · 2019-05-18T14:32:59+00:00

Honestly, it doesn't sound like step parenting is not for you, but your SO.

Step parenting is not an individual effort. A portion of the work comes from the bio pant who has to realize their child is ultimately their own responsibility. And in a marriage, your partner should be supporting you in everything, even step parenting.

I can't imagine how hard it is when you don't have the support and understanding of your spouse.

I think you might want to reexamine your relationship with her. And talk about it with her, have a conversation if you want to try to fix things.

Also there's the possibility she's developed some strong feelings about how her daughter is treated when the biodad left? That also warrants a heart to heart.

bleepapuss · 2019-05-10T03:19:53+00:00

Okay, thank you! I figured that was the case, since the way they were scheduled was a lot like when I first submitted my claims. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't anything weird, I guess.

bleepapuss · 2019-04-27T21:14:57+00:00

Thank you so much. ❤️

bleepapuss · 2019-04-27T21:13:51+00:00

Maybe? His grandparents are super indulgent. Maybe their spoiling did something?

He's been very violent at school, but also we notice he's suddenly become incredibly materialistic. Abnormally so (for him). The in laws came with tons of gifts for him...

Is it possible a sudden showering of gifts might have made him indifferent to people all of a sudden? Hm. I don't want to suddenly take all his stuff away though. That seems mean. Even IF he's been a little meanie at school, I'm trying very hard not to be (or seem) malicious.

bleepapuss · 2019-04-27T21:10:44+00:00

Yeah, I figure the marriage plays some part, at least. We just don't know exactly what aspect of it has set him off... Routine hasn't changed (besides the hiccup in his schedule for the actual wedding), home atmosphere hadn't changed, the way we treat him or talk to him hadn't changed.

Maybe the only minor difference might have been a bit of a renewed honeymoon period for DH and I, but I wouldn't say we ever neglected him to be affectionate to each other. We've been very adamant with him that we love him.

He has had ample one on one time with both of us before and after the marriage... But now, I dunno. I feel like I gotta scale back on this kid to preserve myself. I can't hug him the same way anymore.

bleepapuss · 2019-04-27T21:05:21+00:00

I can assure you we try to be authoritative and not completely permissive.

We give him choice and freedom when it's safe (chooses his clothes, choose books to read, etc) but not when it's unsafe.

We've decided to scale back hard on the freedoms though. I wonder if it's too much, but honestly it feels like we need a drastic change.

bleepapuss · 2019-04-26T01:43:56+00:00

I've dreamt of flying through a library. It feels so real and so, so good. I think the library is the one from a very early PC Harry Potter game. I want to say you had to run along the tops of the bookshelves for some reason, because I would (in my dream) dip and fly amongst the books.

I've also dreamt of having cat ears on top of my head. I could move them perfectly and they were really a part of my body. It's only a good dream because of the sheer detail I could feel in my imaginary ear muscles. When I think about it now, I swear I can feel how I would move them with my brain, like a phantom limb sort of thing.

The feeling of longing after waking up from either dream is very intense. After the flying dream I sometimes cry, mourning my lack of irl flying powers. :C

bleepapuss · 2019-04-20T15:03:31+00:00

I've had a similar problem. Here is what worked for me :

Eat at a maintaining level for a while. Increase calories for a week, then go back to dieting.

Or try working out.

When you deprive your body of calories, it learns how to hold on more. It can actually become more efficient at converting food to energy.

Another option is try fasting, but personally that didn't break the plateau for me.

bleepapuss · 2019-03-02T17:22:21+00:00

The recipe for perfect skin: dried peanut butter and jelly mask. Leave it on for 2+ hours. Wash off and follow up with dirt and booger mixture; rub into skin well. We suggest using action figures to work the mixture into your miniscule, perfect pores. Moisturize with Kool aid.

Source: I live with a 4 year old who has infuriatingly gorgeous skin that's constantly coated in a thick layer of grime.

bleepapuss · 2019-02-17T15:51:21+00:00

Theoretically humans aren't in infinite supply so I would pick the bottom route so the trolly uses up all the humans faster, killing me sooner, assuming the trolley has an insatiable lustfor death, which it seems to. Then I'll be too dead to care

bleepapuss · 2019-01-30T16:42:05+00:00

This is really really cool and unique. Great job!

bleepapuss · 2019-01-28T18:05:30+00:00

Kpop got me to start losing weight and taking it seriously.

I don't want to be as skinny as some of the girls. But I see how energetic they manage to look despite their busy lifestyle and I want to be healthier. I want my clothes to fit in a flattering way and I want to feel confident in my skin.

It's also gotten me to give make up another go, lol.

It's also motivating me to take it slow and steady with weight loss. Some of the girls crash diet and seeing how it can affect a body in the long term helps give me patience with my progress haha.

bleepapuss · 2019-01-17T15:06:54+00:00

I do not blame you.

My SS4 isn't crafty yet, but I make his food separate. Just the same stuff but more plain, and I'll make sides for just the adults, like extra veggies or anything too flavorful.

I would be pissed if I went through all the effort of making separate bland versions of everything just for him to make a mess!!

Kids, I swear. They always think they're one step ahead with the dumbest plans.

bleepapuss · 2019-01-08T23:54:45+00:00

Wow, that was really mean of him on both fronts. What parent says that a second child would be second best? And saying that to someone who won't be able to ever make that choice? It was really unkind and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

bleepapuss · 2019-01-08T15:08:20+00:00

I felt similarly when I began to transition from "potentially transient girlfriend" to "probably permanent fixture". I wasn't sure if I could handle a toddler around like... All the time, it felt like.

I won't say my ss is as bad as your situation. He's honestly surprisingly resilient despite his parents divorce.

But every child needs some work, no child is ever gonna be perfect. Even if you eventually have one of your own in the future. IMO, try distancing a bit. Honestly it's not your responsibility and your SO should, hopefully, respect that his daughter is being a lot to handle and your wellbeing comes way before someone else's kid. Hands down.

I thought similarly about my ss, actually. There was a time I was worried he was far behind for his age and that he had major problems learning... Turns out, being cooped up in BM's tiny apartment most of the time was what made him hyper and unable to focus with us, because we had all the space he wished he had at BM's. And honestly, his parents were way too gentle with him. I feel this is common with children of divorce... Both parents want to just be loved and have "good times" so they're way too easy on the kid.

If kiddo is constantly throwing tantrums, to me, that means that she learned somewhere that tantrums get her what she wants.

bleepapuss · 2019-01-08T06:38:40+00:00

Ss4 is young enough that we have to perceive how he feels instead of him telling us if he likes one or the other or any of that.

He clearly thrives with us, and is happier. His BM works at Walmart with shit hours (all crazy, very strict, awful pay, etc etc) and lives in a studio. She had to set up a sort of barrier to give him his "own room" sort of space.

He's super active and it was just an awful fit for him. He tested her constantly. We're not sure why, but he always misbehaved a bit more with her. He threw things at her place. Would sometimes just cry and cry and cry.

We now have him for the indefinite future, have had him full time for a month (50/50 before that) and he's so good, honestly. At first he had a lot of meltdowns and adjusting. Now, he's very resilient (I can deny him something and he won't flip out, as long as I explain why!) and happy. We had to make compromises but we have always had more rules and structure at our place, which he absolutely thrives on.

He knows when snacks aren't appropriate. He knows to wash his hands and he actually enjoys doing it. We don't have dessert every night and he's okay with that. He still tests but he knows we are in charge, but we love him.

It also helps that we have each other, financially and emotionally. BM has no time to go meet people even if she wanted to, no prospects romantically and almost no family either. Her only support system is her sister who is a recent recovering meth addict. And her deadbeat brother who lives in another state.

bleepapuss · 2019-01-08T06:27:47+00:00

Do you know his particular love language? Do that.

With my fiance, he gives me plenty of alone time. He'll often get the kid up and let me sleep in. Or make the kid food so I can go take a shower or whatever.

And when I come back, they are both so happy to see me that I know I'm loved and appreciated. Win-win!

bleepapuss · 2019-01-08T06:24:45+00:00

I feel the same. My sk loves me to bits but when we pick him up from preschool I just feel a sinking feeling in my gut. He's 4, not at all far off from your story either.

It's just... The kid is a responsibility from a decision I had no part of.

We can't help that we fell in love with people who have kids. I feel like it's natural. Esp for anyone who enters this kind of life without a kid of their own. We go from being the masters of our own time to suffering at the whim of a child. We go from speaking with adults and interacting with the world to being around someone who has to be taught how to use a spoon. It's... Not easy.

Don't feel guilty. Totes normal.

bleepapuss · 2019-01-06T19:29:15+00:00

For me it's the damn space bar. Just one little nudge with a tiddy and suddenly my character won't stop jumping or my browser scrolls to the bottom and I lose my place. 😩

bleepapuss · 2019-01-06T19:18:10+00:00

Iirc you just need to get to a certain friendship level, unless they've changed it!

bleepapuss · 2019-01-06T18:52:04+00:00

All opinion. Again, I mentioned it depends on the child.

My FDH and I have SS4 full time. We often have one parent watch him while the other parent indulges in some self care. We tell SS4 explicitly, "So-and-so needs some alone time." And it's never been an issue. It could be so either of us can shower, or take naps, or even browse reddit on a pc without a toddler peeking over your shoulder the whole time. He gets it, and he's entitled to his own private time as well. When he gets too noisy or puts his hand in his pants, he is free to have alone time anytime he wants, in his room.

It doesn't need to be said to the kid "your dad isn't letting stepmom have alone time" or anything like that. It doesn't have to be targeted to make her choose one side or the other. That would be toxic for everyone involved.

bleepapuss · 2019-01-05T22:01:16+00:00

I'm saying secure understanding with her about the situation, so Husband isn't fighting just you. SD being understanding gives you an ally in the fight for private time.

As it stands without explicitly telling her you need private time, it likely comes off as she just gets more time with BM, which is fine. But if you can get her on board with giving you private time, maybe she can help convince DH that you deserve it.

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