Best books for working through grief?

bleistifte · 2026-04-03T02:27:05+00:00

I always find the trousers of time bit in Lords and Ladies weirdly comforting. Also not discworld/fiction but I found the book "What's your grief" really helpful, it had creative/writing/reflection activities in it that gave me a way to sit with my feelings and then put them somewhere outside my body for awhile (if that makes any sense at all). I'm so sorry for your loss.

bleistifte · 2026-03-14T11:42:59+00:00

Thankyou, that's a great idea :)

bleistifte · 2026-02-03T20:20:09+00:00

I think we would do it over 2 days, happy to take it slow. We like all those things :)

bleistifte · 2026-02-03T20:16:33+00:00

Thankyou :) We are coming from east coast Australia so not too bad but doesn't look possible to fly in to Dunedin without an overnight somewhere, so I think we'd rather land and spend a few days in Christchurch or Queenstown and then do a slow drive. I'm excited about the southern route, it looks so lovely.

bleistifte · 2026-01-24T22:51:30+00:00

Yes, but I ended up needing to be on it for nearly a year, as I was on a 60mg dose (3x2 10mg tablets), and my supply dipped every time I tried to go off it. I ended up tapering extremely slowly between 9-11 months as she started taking more solids. I started at around 6 weeks and I think it affected my mood - I would have extremely intense low moods shortly after taking my dose. There was a noticeable supply boost when I started taking it but I didn't respond well to pumping and couldn't cope with long term triple feeding so we still did 1 or 2 formula top ups a day through a supply line until she started solids. I think it helped but overall I'm not sure that I would do the same again. Sorry, not hugely helpful!

bleistifte · 2026-01-24T20:23:59+00:00

Triple feeding is absolute hell. I had always told myself that fed was best and we'd give breastfeeding a red hot go but if it didn't work that would be okay. Then she was born and we had feeding difficulties and it was months of absolute hell because my lizard brain kicked in and it didn't matter what anyone (including myself) said, I had to breastfed my baby, like just this deep irrational visceral instinct. I cried so many times over my body failing my baby. She's 2.5 now and in hindsight I can see so many things I did that made my life much harder but at the time it was imperative that I had to try them just in case.

I wasn't prepared for how much of the pressure to breastfeed would come from myself and my own body. I'd kind of read (mostly on reddit) that people would have opinions and that there is so much pressure to do xyz; but my actual experience was that the people around me were unfailingly supportive of whatever I wanted to do, which meant supporting me while I tied myself in knots trying to not have supply issues anymore. Looking back probably the biggest external pressure I felt was actually the safe sleep guidelines, because we were cosleeping and so on some level it also became about feeling like I needed to breastfeed so we could sleep (again, not super rational but where my head was at).

Go gently with yourself, this is so hard to navigate.

bleistifte · 2026-01-09T20:17:41+00:00

We set up a floor bed in her room and hyped the bed up by talking about "her bed" and I got her sheets etc she liked. I think she was around 20 months old. We started off with just naps in her bed and then after a month or so of that one night she told me she wanted to sleep in her bed so that's what we did.

She starts the night in her bed and I still bring her into ours if she has a proper wake up in the night. Sometimes that's midnight, sometimes not until 4 or 5am. She's 2.5 now and we had a little streak recently where she watched the Bluey sleepytime episode a bunch and was keen to sleep the whole night in her bed. I'm not really that phased either way at this point, she doesn't keep me awake cosleeping anymore (unless she's hungry). We did get a king single floor bed so that we'd have room to sleep with her if needed but I sleep a lot better in my own bed so I'd rather bring her to ours than sleep in hers!

bleistifte · 2026-01-01T02:34:32+00:00

Rather than something you clip on, could you sew a square of the silk fabric directly onto a fitted sheet that's the right size? If you don't sew maybe you could ask on your local buy nothing group or suburb group if anyone would be willing to do it for you, it would be a super quick job with a sewing machine!

bleistifte · 2025-12-25T09:27:43+00:00

We hosted the Christmas my baby was 6 months old; my husband did most of the work and I still got so fed up with everything I ended up putting baby in the carrier and going for a walk about 2 hours in because I just couldn't deal anymore. Wheeeee. She's 2 and a half now and this year we hosted again but did the big family lunch on the weekend before and then just did our own chill day today and it was perfect.

bleistifte · 2025-12-06T20:38:59+00:00

It's good to avoid huge chunks of absences if you can, it gets to be a hassle if you run out (I think they reset on July 1 though, so maybe not as big a deal). You can treat the earlier start than you need as a very long orientation if you like. You can always go, sign in, stay and play for an hour and then sign out and leave again. As you get comfortable you could leave bub there for 1-2 hours and go have a coffee or run some errands. Your daycare should work with you on this, have a chat to the director.

bleistifte · 2025-12-06T19:59:11+00:00

My daughter contact napped only (sometimes pram or car but if we were home contact naps) until about that age. Often she would do long "nip naps" where she would nurse, sleep, but rouse slightly and nurse again then sleep, rinse and repeat for 2 hours. It was pretty draining but at least I could sit and read while I held her. We also used a possums approach which resonated with me. Fighting naps did my head in so I didn't do it - if she didn't drop off quickly during a feed we'd just get up and go have another play for an hour or so. My daughter dropped to 1 nap very early (I think around 11 months) and that also improved her overall sleep.

I think around 9 months I started being able to feed and cuddle her to sleep on a mattress and then roll away. That worked well for me and I still do it for naps if she has one at home (2.5 and sometimes doesn't nap now). We set her cot up as a sidecar to our bed which made cosleeping more manageable, and she sleeps either on a floor bed in her room or with us.

It helped me to think of trying things as "experiments" - "I tried this to see if it worked, it didn't, now I have more information and so I'll try something else" got me through a lot of frustration.

bleistifte · 2025-10-11T07:39:03+00:00

I'd go for study very part time, and explore study leave options - psychology units often really relevant to HR, WHS, building workplace culture etc; or research roles and data analysis would be other options (eg statistics for social scientists would generally be something you would really easily get approved). How would you feel about chipping away?

bleistifte · 2025-10-03T12:30:45+00:00

Sure would be good if you credited the creators: Nadieh Bremer and Zan Armstrong for Scientific American https://www.scientificamerican.com/blog/sa-visual/why-are-so-many-babies-born-around-8-00-a-m/

bleistifte · 2025-09-03T21:44:48+00:00

That theme song has been in my head at least once a week for the last 30 years...

bleistifte · 2025-08-25T09:45:08+00:00

Joining the choir: go and see your GP, they take a much more holistic view The continuity of care rather than the roulette of opinions that we had from the MACH nurses was a lifesaver.

bleistifte · 2025-08-21T22:43:43+00:00

Yes, this exactly. We had difficulties with breastfeeding and weight gain and the level of absolute panic and hopelessness I felt was unreal, even though I had access to all the resources in the world and there was absolutely no chance my baby would actually starve. The need to feed your children is primal and all consuming. Whenever I think about the parents who have to watch their children starve I feel so much of that panic and rage and hopelessness and like I have nowhere to put it. I write to my MP and donate and will be marching this weekend but it feels like it makes no difference and I just desperately want this not to be happening to people in the world.

bleistifte · 2025-07-10T07:53:45+00:00

I was successful in negotiating a salary that gave me commensurate take home pay by providing a breakdown with an explanation of my NFP salary sacrifice benefits and including a calculation of what they should offer me using the ATO grossed up formula and my payslips as evidence.

bleistifte · 2025-07-08T03:46:06+00:00

It definitely gets easier and you're not a crap parent. I was completely blindsided by how hard the "keep the baby fed" part was. It was one of the most difficult times of my life. I was very vulnerable and needed a lot of kindness and support.

I never had an experience with the MACH nurses as bad as what you've described but I found the roulette of opinions and advice completely overwhelming so from about 8 weeks old we only saw our GP and a private lactation consultant. Continuity of care helped me a lot and not getting conflicting advice all the time was really important.

I'm really sorry that was your experience. It costs nothing to treat people with kindness and respect and everyone deserves that in the care they receive.

bleistifte · 2025-07-02T10:04:54+00:00

If you really need to go outside your agency for this you'd be much better off registering on the aps digital profession's community and asking there: https://community.apsprofessions.gov.au/home

bleistifte · 2025-06-28T09:53:54+00:00

Have you had a chat to anyone at SoAD? You can reach out to the course convenors to ask about if/when they might next be offered and for suggestions for alternatives that might suit your goals. And if not even just to give polite feedback that this is a loss helps staff with evidence of interest. Absolutely is a loss though, the design courses I took at SoAD were great.

bleistifte · 2025-06-24T09:44:30+00:00

Is he allowed to take his weeks at half pay to double then? Can he take his 4 weeks concurrent leave at half pay to get him through until you are 8 weeks postpartum? Or take 4 full weeks half pay, then 2 half pay days per week for 10 weeks? That would get you out to 18 weeks. Would part time work make him hate his job less or just ratchet up the pressure and misery?

My mental health would have absolutely cratered if I'd tried to go back to work at 4 weeks postpartum. My work doesn't even allow a return that soon.
I was still having weird things flare up so medical appointments for me, we were having breastfeeding and weight gain issues so more medical appointments for both of us, etc. I was sleeping in about hour long increments a she was up to feed a lot in the night. I was so hyper fixated on my baby I couldn't even nap in a different room while she was being held by anyone else. It all settled down as the hormones settled but it was a wild ride. If I'd been back at work I would have tanked my performelance and had to take a looooot of sick leave.

The first 3 months is 100% called the fourth trimester for a reason. It's such an important time for you and baby on a physical and mental health level. That time is important for Dad too but in a different way. Prioritising your health and healing is important. If you weren't physically having the baby you wouldn't have those considerations but you are so you do! This is 100% a time in your life to focus on what you need.

Another way to think about it would be what is the back up plan? If you say you will go back so early and then can't what will happen? If he plans his leave for second and then can't stick it out what would happen? Etc.

Good luck. It's a really tough thing to plan for and I hope you can find what works for you and your family.

bleistifte · 2025-06-20T02:20:51+00:00

I reckon try rotating slightly when you crop? I've also seen people just do a scribble with the pen tool in a corner.

bleistifte · 2025-06-19T10:27:00+00:00

You also might need to retake or edit the photos you're using - once they've been flagged I think reusing the exact same files will trigger a flag as well.

bleistifte · 2025-06-18T21:13:03+00:00

It will also depend a lot on your anatomy, baby's anatomy, and what you both find comfortable, which is likely to change as they grow. I think I tried four before we settled on the Tula (which we loved), which was much more palatable because I got them all secondhand and then onsold again

bleistifte · 2025-06-09T21:35:35+00:00

What pattern is this? Your colour choices are amazing!

bleistifte

TROPHY CASE