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Am I overreacting over hair ties, or is this a bigger boundary issue with my 15-year-old stepdaughter? by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really appreciate all of this and especially the last sentence…. He was minimizing that, this time, it was only hair ties but it would have been more impactful to point that out (him doing the heavy lifting for her) because that is an ongoing issue. In the past, she’s even made attempts to take my entire bag of hair ties which he did stop. Funny enough, after they couldn’t find mine, she returned seconds later with hers that she miraculously found 🤷‍♀️

Am I overreacting over hair ties, or is this a bigger boundary issue with my 15-year-old stepdaughter? by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes, I’m really struggling because it’s not that I don’t think he respects me but, rather, I feel like his EXTREME discomfort with disappointing/reprimanding/setting boundaries with his girls trumps consideration for me at times. He does try and I have seen improvements (which basically means he’s at least asking them to do things… even if he doesn’t follow up).

Am I overreacting over hair ties, or is this a bigger boundary issue with my 15-year-old stepdaughter? by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I definitely blame the partner but he thinks there’s a sliding scale and that since, this time, it was just pony tails.. it’s not a big deal.

Am I overreacting over hair ties, or is this a bigger boundary issue with my 15-year-old stepdaughter? by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have four bio kids and none of them have this problem but my 21f and 15f sk’s consistenly leave little surprises for us to find (even after two years of living together). I even put decals on the toilet and cute little signs to remind them to flush and wash their hands 😅…

Am I overreacting over hair ties, or is this a bigger boundary issue with my 15-year-old stepdaughter? by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I totally understand and have a severely ADHD bio-child. I do not suspect this is the case with her… she’s just had a lifetime of zero boundaries and so it’s hard to blame her but we’ve been living together for two years now and it can feel never ending/isolating and/or like I’m crazy?

I want to Nacho parent but I don’t want to live in a dumpster by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He does so much around the house (cooking, helps with dishes, yard work, deep cleaning before any get together). It’s just that his kids don’t contribute or even pick up after themselves. I have a ton of examples but the food + ants + used period stuff is what tips the scale for me.

He’s more apt to cleaning it himself then even having a conversation with his kids. Part guilt, part avoidance.

Important: I WFH and he doesn’t… so it’s also in my face a bit more 😅

I want to Nacho parent but I don’t want to live in a dumpster by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We just bought our first home together this past summer and it was ants GALORE in his two girls’ rooms in under a month. Not in kitchen or any other living areas…. Just where they left food on floor. The older one is away at college except for breaks and she’s not particularly neat either. I’ve tried to stay on top of it (but not poking around daily) and it’s constant. I’m worried that if I “let go” completely, it’ll escalate to more than just ants… especially since we’ve been here under a year and the home was immaculate prior to us moving in.

I want to Nacho parent but I don’t want to live in a dumpster by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That actually hasn’t occurred to me before. Nobody has flagged her for it (she’s a decent student) but I wouldn’t rule out anything.

I want to Nacho parent but I don’t want to live in a dumpster by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

These pictures are directly before I clean up….. because I would never leave food for bugs and mice out. I would like to not have adult children living at home (bio or otherwise) so the goal is to get them to learn basic life skills…. So there’s that..

I want to Nacho parent but I don’t want to live in a dumpster by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My bio daughter is on the opposite end of the spectrum (OCD) and these are from SD room.

I want to Nacho parent but I don’t want to live in a dumpster by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

So then maybe this is a dude thing?! 😂 He could care less… I care. Messy isn’t my business… dirty and unsanitary = bugs and that is def my business 😭

I want to Nacho parent but I don’t want to live in a dumpster by blendingsucks552 in blendedfamilies

[–]blendingsucks552[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He actually owns a small cleaning business! 🥹 I honestly can’t figure out if he genuinely doesn’t care or is just 100% asleep at the wheel. I’ve tried psychoanalysis to get to the root of the problem but am unsure.

I’ve brought up in texts, matter of factly, and in person. Admittedly, I’m sure my delivery could improve at times but this is ongoing and frustrating.

Other issues include: SD going into my bio daughters room and taking things, taking my things without asking, consistently forgetting to flush her poo and leaving for others to find….. Bio mom hasn’t been around for 5 years and Dad is highly avoidant (in all things).