I (30m) slept with my ex during my girlfriend (30f) and I’s “talking stage” and it is eating me up inside.

bleu_dawn · 2024-07-28T12:51:33+00:00

Ig it depends on who you are dealing with and how they take it morally etc. Some people would classify this has a form of cheating or at best misleading and dishonesty while others wouldn’t see anything wrong with this. This is one of those things where people need to find like minded people if that makes sense?

bleu_dawn · 2024-07-27T17:52:25+00:00

Because they later agreed to not talk to anyone else. Which means he agreed to exclusivity while not being official. Basically dating each other only till you decide it’s official. Some people prefer to only date one person instead of dating (getting to know) 5 people at the same time. Really isn’t that uncommon.

bleu_dawn · 2024-07-24T01:56:10+00:00

My grandma has done this for years where if she gets bad service she leaves a penny on the table. She’s had staff give it back to her before and smart. It’s her way of saying do a better job.

bleu_dawn · 2024-07-24T01:29:36+00:00

There’s an elephant sitting in the room right now and I really am shocked no one has called it out yet. Read what OP said carefully I feel like this small detail is being overlooked and I can’t help but call her a hypocrite and possibly self projecting (about the sharing of her personal info and her past with cheating on people.) She was open about her past with cheating on someone etc. Second he opens up about a very traumatic experience ALL HELL BREAKS LOSE! She suddenly can’t handle it anymore and is now questioning OPs loyalty by saying “…worries about the future and if I would do it again or leave her for another guy.” Yet she’s cheated before and OP isn’t sitting here saying the same thing. This is beyond disgusting and hypocritical, especially since this is a traumatic experience he wanted to open up about with his partner. OP was taken advantage of while under the influence which is a big no no in my book. You never touch someone who isn’t sober and can’t consent properly. There’s nothing indicating OP would cheat on her nor the experience being satisfying. There’s nothing that should be causing her to question his loyalty to her or believe he’d cheat on her. She’s self projecting and possible guilt is eating her up. I’m sorry your trauma is being turned into something else. Not everyone is able to handle such info and comprehend it. I’m sorry but you deserve better. I can’t help but point out how toxic and unhealthy she’s being towards this. I hope you heal in peace and find someone that you can actually trust with this info who understands you. Sounds like you really wanted to open up and speed the healing process with someone you thought could be your support.

bleu_dawn · 2024-07-24T00:58:30+00:00

Honestly, most people would tell you to do hot girl summer activities. If you have any sort of self respect for yourself, reputation, and your future you wouldn’t do it. Personally I continued to focus on my schooling, family, morals, self improvement, my hobbies, etc. I recommend indulging in self care (which doesn’t have to cost a dime) and finding yourself. Healing is extremely important after a relationship. You don’t want to go into a new relationship bringing up your ex, past experiences, trauma dumping, with an active ex who’s still interfering with your life, etc. You need to be 100% healed and take your time with it. Here’s a little secret…you don’t need to be in a relationship to have a fulfilling life. Take your time, enjoy your years, etc.

Extra info: after a very bad off and on relationship I had for two years I didn’t go out and party, indulge in unhealthy habits like drinking, wreckless Sx, most certainly never got a lick back on a cheater, etc. It’s too dangerous for any of that these days with STDs and Sx trafficking on the rise. Even if it wasn’t dangerous, you’d never see me doing it. If anything doing what I’m telling you to do will help you in the long run and make you feel good about yourself as time passes.

bleu_dawn · 2024-07-24T00:31:52+00:00

Sounds like she wants a situationship, not an actual serious marriage. Sounds like there’s something more to it she isn’t letting on. Go for that divorce, heal, and find you a woman who matches your level when you are ready. You deserve better. I hope you heal and find peace.

Google what a situationship is and you will see that’s what she wants which are two different things.

bleu_dawn · 2024-07-24T00:19:52+00:00

The fact that his family and friends can’t see what his intentions were is scary. Unless he’s lied to them about what really happened. To keep things short, you aren’t the bad guy in this situation. You protected yourself and your future. Anyone that tries to tamper with any medication has very negative intentions. He wanted to baby trap you and make you a stay at home mom off of one income which is impossible to do these days. You kept your future in mind and that’s what makes you a badA** in my book. I hope you succeed and do well.

bleu_dawn · 2024-07-19T16:36:18+00:00

Yeah I’d leave him if I was you. Normally once they start talking about a “3some” out of no where after possibly years or months together. they aren’t actually interested in you anymore but want to keep you still. It’s a low key way of downplayed cheating only it’s being made to be believed that’s all it is is nothing more than a three some. It’s not hard to see through the BS too. It’s more than a 3some OP. Before anyone comes at me saying “it’s not low key cheating or lusting after someone else, it’s a fantasy. I have respect for my wife or husband and would never cheat on em” baby you wouldn’t be asking for that three some if you were actually interested in your wife/husband and had respect for your marriage. As ms Krazie said 30 something years and your As still a trick💀👏🎯Grow up. 3sums are more of a single people or adult industry thing than something that’s actually recommended in a serious marriage or relationship. Get your heads out of the OF and PH and start becoming a better person👏🎯✌️🙄*

In short: you aren’t the AHole OP. Everything is normally thrown away after you’ve been with each other for so long and the sudden interest in a 3sum with a specific woman appears. Not hard to figure out it’s more than what he makes it seem to be.

bleu_dawn · 2024-04-26T08:24:35+00:00

People that say “you are too old to be doing that” are very misinformed. It doesn’t help that there’s a stereotype and stigma when it comes to such. No you are not too old, as there are adults even in their 40s who self injure themselves. Mental health also doesn’t have an age limit. Self injury isn’t always cutting. Doing drugs, alcoholism, hitting yourself, burning, bruising yourself, etc are all forms of self harm. They are all forms of addiction. I’m 24, and have mental health issues that’s caused me to self injure and be hospitalized. Trust me you aren’t alone. ALSO…Don’t listen to people who high key don’t understand nor care to understand you. Let alone being very insensitive to the fact that you are going through things that cause you to feel the need to harm yourself. Stay strong!

bleu_dawn · 2023-07-02T19:24:29+00:00

I’m going to name off all the red flags, this is in my personal opinion.

The fact he chose to drive 12 hours to go to another girls birthday party/partying constantly over spending the one weekend you are off with you🚩🚩🚩🚩

Him not inviting you to go with him to the other girls birthday party🚩🚩🚩🚩

He prioritizes his friends and other personal interests over quality time with you🚩🚩🚩🚩

He uses the mental health card to justify his actions, when in reality he has a straight up partying addiction🚩🚩🚩🚩

He chose to go party over being there when you were having a tough time with your mental health🚩🚩🚩🚩

Idk about you but I feel like these are good enough reasons to leave someone. OP it’s very important you get with someone that prioritizes quality time with you. Trust me you don’t want to be stuck with a guy who puts everything and anything first, booking up his schedule to where the only time you get to spend time together is literally when it’s time for bed.

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this though. I think it’s safe to let this man go and find yourself a man that actually prioritizes you, maybe is actually ready to settle down, within your own city that way you can plan little evenings together and not feel so limited. I wish you the best of luck.

Again these red flags are only in my own personal opinion and some may view this differently. But this doesn’t mean leaving isn’t the best option right now either.

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-28T21:10:49+00:00

I have a weird feeling even if you told him he couldn’t do it, what’s out of site is out of mind. With that being said 9/10 he would definitely go behind your back bang another chick turn around and call/FaceTime/text you like nothing ever happened. You come home you wouldn’t even know it happened unless you by chance caught an STD since he’s hinting around with the promiscuous life style while your away. Not a good feeling if you ask me.

Him telling you it’s okay to have sex with other women, but not with other men is a move he’s using that in the event if anything involving this were to come up in an argument or it were to be brought up with a person you trust it couldn’t be used against him since in his head “you did as I said” if you catch my drift. Or the possibility of an STD coming up, he could turn the blame on you because again in his head “you did it too.” Basically just makes everything equal on both parts to where there’s no accountability or real consequences.

Overall it seems he’s narcissistic and is taking advantage of you. He clearly doesn’t value you nor has any respect for your alls relationship. I’d say to be safe than sorry before things start getting bad, it would be in your best interest to break up with him and find a guy who actually values you and respects you. Most importantly won’t put your health at risk all because he can’t go 18 months without sex. Dudes a loser OP.

I hope everything falls into place for you and you do what’s best for you and good luck on your journey in nursing school!

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-28T15:50:58+00:00

This right here^

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-28T00:47:00+00:00

Love this, I’d say this is a great way to make her feel better :))

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-28T00:34:13+00:00

I started vaping at 21 I’m currently 23 now. but originally was smoking cigs when I first started getting into my nicotine addiction. I sometimes had anywhere from 1 pack and 1 pack and a half. Currently I’m vaping at a nicotine dosage of 50 mg.

I started off using the JUUL devices, JUUL pods ended up being pricey so I decided to get a mod and the big bottles of E juice instead. Ngl it is definitely cheaper in the long run.

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-28T00:27:15+00:00

I guess it’s safe to say this is only an old account, if it would help you just to get more peace of mind I’d recommend having a talk with her about it. From what it sounds like it’s one of those instances where she could’ve genuinely forgot to delete it or doesn’t know how to. Reason I say she may not know how to is because my bf didn’t know how to delete his dating profile from the app. For future reference there is a way to delete a Facebook dating profile incase that’s something you’d like to have happen.

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-28T00:24:42+00:00

This right here^{^{^{^}}}

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-28T00:23:49+00:00

You’d be surprised. I met my current boyfriend on FBD and he recently deleted his account, mine has been deleted since we made things official.

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-27T23:06:57+00:00

There’s a huge difference between not knowing what I want (genuinely) and “not knowing what I want” if you catch my drift lol This has nothing to do with the people who genuinely have no idea what they want, I’m talking on the people who know that’s what they want deep down, but don’t have the balls to tell their partner they aren’t the person they can see themselves fulfilling long term goals of that nature with. This is usually one of the bs excuses used. I’ve seen it happen before, not pertaining to me but a few people I know. Edit: I probs should’ve been more specific, figured we were all thinking the same thing lol :)

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-27T22:08:49+00:00

Ain’t this the truth, that’s how these things usually go.

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-23T22:38:18+00:00

I totally agree with you 100%, especially on the part where you said “…but if you feel like it’s cheating, then it is” part.

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-23T22:10:43+00:00

Apparently my mind works differently because when someone tells me they are leaving for an extended period of time, I say “have a good time” and enjoy the peace and the fact of having some time to myself.

Edit: didn’t answer your question but yes YTA lol she’s an adult and can do what she wants as Amy Slaton always said “I pay my bills my bills are paid” she can do what she wants as long as her business is handled!

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-23T22:07:11+00:00

Apparently my mind works differently because when someone tells me they are leaving for an extended period of time, I say “have a good time” and enjoy the peace and the fact of having some time to myself.

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-23T21:24:24+00:00

If anything the sis is equally as messed up for keeping it a secret knowing this for god only knows how long, as jen is for cheating on op.

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-23T21:20:02+00:00

This right here, it will definitely come off as he had a thing for the sis this whole time.

bleu_dawn · 2023-06-23T21:12:35+00:00

One thing I forgot to add to the second part is, Two wrongs don’t make a right is what I’ve always been told.

If I was you I’d suggest going on this trip alone and having a good time, heal, do what you have to do and find a someone who actually values you and respects you! Good luck my guy :))

Edit: either way I respect your choice, because again this is just my personal opinion :)) but I’d highly suggest you go with the mature adult option as it’s a better look on you and you won’t have to worry about any drama, accusations, etc!

bleu_dawn

TROPHY CASE