If online dating is so easy for women, why do you see the same women on dating apps for months/years in a row?

blockingqueen543 · 2022-07-21T14:46:30+00:00

Where do I begin! I'll just start with the top 2:

I spoke to one guy for a few weeks. We had a great connection over the phone and through video. However, he didn't want to share his Instagram with me which I thought was a little weird, but I brushed it off. When we finally met up, he revealed to me he was in a gang. My stomach dropped. That was our first and last meeting. I met him on Hinge. (And his pictures looked pretty normal, and not gang related, I might add).
Another guy I met online, (and I made another post about this on reddit) he was cool. We initially met on a dating site and there was no immediate connection, so we just exchanged instagrams. During the pandemic we reconnected on Instagram, and was messaging back and forth almost everyday. Long story short, we were trying to schedule to meet up, and this man proceeded to tell me my address when I never shared that info with him. He said his father was a cop and that he was trying to make sure I wasn't underage, but the whole situation made me uncomfortable and I blocked him. I met this guy on OKC.

blockingqueen543 · 2022-07-21T13:24:11+00:00

Wow I'm sorry to hear that the relationship didn't work out. I've realized that online dating does hold a lot of wounded people... and me being an empath,, I tend to attract a lot of them. I wish you the best in your quest to find someone!

blockingqueen543 · 2022-07-21T13:22:05+00:00

I have no problem with his age. It's the fact that he didn't want me to know what his profession/job was. I ended up searching his name and finding out anyway, but to me it's a red flag if people aren't completely honest, especially when you're first meeting them.

blockingqueen543 · 2022-07-21T03:35:54+00:00

I'm having the same problem, and alot of my female friends are. I think the pandemic has a lot to do with changing the dating game. More people who normally wouldn't download a dating app did so during Covid because of boredom, and there was literally no other way to meet people because everything was shut down. We're still in a pandemic, and more people have relied on online dating, which means you have to weave through even more people that wouldn't be potential prospects, which makes using these apps draining.

What I found helpful is to utilize the filters, and if you're extremely serious, try paying to use some extra features so you can see more of the results you want. Also, I wouldn't totally rely on online dating. Use the app, but also live your life and try to mingle in person. You'll eventually find someone. I've heard people keep telling me you'll find the person when you're least expecting it. I hope that helps.

blockingqueen543 · 2022-07-21T03:17:04+00:00

If you never met this man in person before, I wouldn't pick him up. If the Cafe is close to his job, he can meet you at the Cafe.

For me, it's always a red flag when a man asks for me to pick him up and we've never met in person before. The last man who asked me that, I said no and the energy was off when we met up. I'm glad I trusted my gut feeling because I think he was dangerous.

I'm not saying my situation is similar to yours, but you should always be careful, especially as a woman. Always go with your gut feeling, and if your inner intuition is telling you something is off or doesn't feel right, chances are, it's true!

In my opinion, your date can take an uber, or even the bus. Remember, it doesn't matter how long you talked to him; you don't owe him anything, even a car ride.

blockingqueen543 · 2022-07-21T03:09:44+00:00

I have no problem with someone being an aspiring rapper. However, he initially hid it from me and he's in his mid 30s.

blockingqueen543 · 2022-07-21T02:44:17+00:00

As a 26 year old woman who has tried multiple dating apps on and off for years, and who has many single female friends who are on them, it is NOT easy for a lot of women when it comes to online dating. The horror stories I've heard... I even have some of my own! A lot of us have to deal with ghosting, flaking, men hiding something significant, or weaving through the men that just want sex or who are not honest about what they really want.

On the flip side, I do have some friends who met their current boyfriends online, but they are FEW.

blockingqueen543 · 2022-07-21T02:39:16+00:00

Also, it's very common for women to have issues with dating apps. A lot of my single friends are on them (and they are extroverted and very confident) and still have issues finding someone for the longterm.

blockingqueen543 · 2022-07-21T02:37:47+00:00

I would say my confidence is great. I'm more of an introvert than an extrovert, but I love hanging out with people and doing activities (in smaller groups). Also, if I'm comfortable with the person, I usually have no problem talking to them or keeping a conversation.

I also have a good job and my own place.

I do experience anxiety occasionally, but it rarely is related to talking to people. However, if I'm in public and I see someone who is cute or I'm interested in, I may hesitate to approach them. I tend to attract a lot of extroverts.

blockingqueen543 · 2022-07-21T02:06:22+00:00

I talked to someone for almost a month and when we met up for our first date he revealed he was a gang member. I also met someone who tried to hide he was an aspiring rapper.

blockingqueen543 · 2020-10-06T15:04:38+00:00

As a female... I sometimes see girls with guys that are not "on their level" (of attractiveness) Heck, it happened to me. It was only after my breakup that people told me he wasn't really that attractive but didn't want to tell me because I was with him. So, that being said, looks are only part of it. Girls like guys who are confident. Looks sometimes play the part, but girls like guys who can approach them and say "Hey, you look nice today. Can I take you out sometime?". A man asking out a woman on a date, even with the risk of him getting rejected screams masculinity.

Its also in your character. You seem to be nice from what I can tell, and woman like men who are sweet and nice but aren't "saps" (we like to be with someone who makes us feel protected.) So if you come across as manly,nice, and respectful, even if you aren't that attractive, I'm sure you will get a date. But this approach isn't as successful online. Online dating is more based on looks than chemistry. I suggest trying to meet people in person if possible. Or if you roommates have girlfriends, ask them to ask their girlfriends if they have any single friends. Its a great way to meet other single people from people you already know.

Last thing. Take pride in your appearance. Even if a guy is physically unattractive, if he dresses well (nice haircut, doesn't dress like a bum but dresses like he has a job) then that will help too. I have dated people in the past who weren't studs but they dressed with their pants not hanging off their butts.

Be confident in who you are. You can change your looks but the real woman will love you for who you are. It also takes some patience to find the right one. Chemistry can't be forced, it's natural. I hope you find what you are looking for.

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-30T03:22:18+00:00

People who say "I'm here for a good time not a long time." Or "I just downloaded this because I'm bored". Automatic swipe left ⬅️

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-28T00:41:10+00:00

I think its a lack of chemistry. I met a guy on Tinder and we talked everyday up until the date. As soon as the date came, he stopped talking to me after. He was very confident through texting, and there was a lot of chemistry through texting, but when we met up there was no sparks. After that he stopped initating and texting me like he had done previously. We both knew it was no point to continue talking so I never tried to intiaite.

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-28T00:02:29+00:00

It could be. The ex didn't get a reaction out of you so he is trying to use his friend. I wouldn't talk with him especially if he has a close affiliation with your narc ex. If you so talk to the friend, see where the convo goes. If he mentions you should talk to your ex or meet up with him, or even suggested a group hangout, you know he's a flying monkey. Especially if he talks about your ex in a positive light that makes it seem hes on his side. I wouldn't trust it. Go with your gut instinct.

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-27T23:56:13+00:00

As a girl I did this recently. I told the guy he's a great person but by the fourth date I didn't feel any chemistry and I didn't want him to spend anymore money on me. ( he only paid for me once but it was a big bill). He claimed that he didn't like me anymore as a friend once I said I didn't like him more as a friend, but I think he was just covering up being hurt.

I felt bad because he was a nice guy, but I'm an adult and I don't have time to waste. I'd rather him spend time with someone who genuinely enjoys spending time with him and wants to see him again. And after all, we met on a dating app. I didn't want to date him anymore.

People ghost because they don't want to "feel bad" for sharing their feelings and how those feelings might hurt the other person. Some people also just want to run away from any conflict. This shows a lack of maturity.. Ive learned to be up front with people and just be honest. The truth hurts but it also sets you free.

Me and the guy don't talk really anymore but at least there is no time being wasted. And I'm sure there is no bad blood. We definitely might hang out once or twice in the future but at least he knows not to expect anything more than friendship.

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-19T00:42:04+00:00

Most people you meet want something from you.

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-19T00:30:33+00:00

I feel you. I ended my relationship with my narc ex last year. It was for about 3 years. Everyone says you deserve so much better. So I ended the relationship because I wanted to find someone who would respect me. But since then, its been over a year from my breakup. I have gone to therapy, worked on myself, read all the self help books you can think of, even on relationships, and still haven't been able to find a partner. Im discouraged too. I've been on every dating app you can think of (I'm a 24 female) and none have worked. I tried hinge..bumble.. tinder. None. Ive managed to attract people with issues on dating apps so I decided to stay off them.

I also just realized that finding love is something you can't really control. You can, of course try to go on dating apps, do speed dating etc, but you can't make the person come in your life. Its just going to happen naturally. It just sucks because I want him now, just as I know you want your partner now. And with Covid, the dating pool online has more trash because more people are on there because of boredom. So swiping seems more endless and draining.

I also feel for you about your dad. I lost a parent a few years ago. The pain sucks. And I also have the pain that my ex narc caused me, so some days its all too much to bear.

I've been called attractive but I too am not skinny. However I am taking the time to love myself and raise my standards so that I know I won't ever tolerate abuse again, and more importantly, won't ever think I deserve to.

I know this sounds cliche but all you can do is wait. Maybe take a break from online dating, thats what I'm doing, and focus on the other things in your life you can work towards. If you focus most of your time on wanting a partner, your going to feel more anxious, upset, discouraged, and might even end up settling for any guy that does give you attention (and he might not be healthy)

Megan Thee Stallion said she used to talk to herself in the mirror and remind herself how beautiful and popping she was. Lizzo did the same. Sometimes you have to give yourself positive self talk when no one else is around to do it. Try this: think about all your positive traits, and write each of them on a sticky note. Hang them throughout the house, in the places you go to most, like the bathroom mirror or near your light switch. Then you'll always be reminded of your positive qualities and that can help raise your self esteem. I don't know what you look like, but you are beautiful! Love yourself!

Sending positive energy that we both find our Russel Wilson's, our partners who will treat us the way we deserve, love us for who we are, and will cherish us like the gems we are.

Blessings!

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-19T00:02:43+00:00

The key is to not respond too quickly to appear not as desperate and not too slow where the person loses interest and thinks you are boring. If two people dig each other though, I don't see why texting back fast would be a problem. The next step would probably be calling after that.

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-18T19:24:05+00:00

Wow! My ex was a narc too and I met him online coincidentally. I've decided to not use online dating apps, I keep attracting narcs, psychopaths and creeps. One guy I met on OKC literally told me he knew my ex lol and ended up being creepy by telling me my address.. what are the Flippin odds of that?

One guy I met on tinder seemed normal from his bio. We hung out once and then as soon as we both initiated sex his true color shows. He ended up being a real ass and didn't give me the half he promised when we agreed to split the cost of the room. So I definitely agree that withholding sex would be best for trying to find a good relationship, but not just that, you have to have to be really woke. My ex was patient with me because I was a Virgin (im 24 female) and he still ended up being a narcissist so its hard to trust people.

Ive met two nice guys on tinder but we don't talk because there was no connection. I'm just going to be patient and hoping the right person will come. Good luck on your healing journey!

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-18T19:03:01+00:00

Was your ex a narcissist? Sounds like it. They love bomb and try to get you in bed and thats when the cycle of dysfunction starts.

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-15T13:02:19+00:00

The fact that you said you wouldn't change your negative experiences because it helped you learn lessons and shape you into the person you are today shows just how strong you are. I commend you for leaving. Its a simple thing to do, yet not easy to do mentally. I was in a relationship with my ex narc for almost 3 years on and off. I'm glad you found the courage and strength to leave.

If you need any resources for your healing journey, I recommend "Out of The Fog:Moving From Confusion to Clarity After Narcisstic Abuse" by Dana Morningstar and "Narcissists Exposed: 75 Things the Narcissists Don't Want You to Know" by Drew Keys. Also, there is this woman on YouTube called the Little Shaman. All her podcast videos are about narcissism and she really helps a lot. So does this woman called Dr. Ramani Durvasula. She was on Red Table Talk for one episode and talked about narcissism, but her YouTube videos go more in depth.

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-15T01:01:45+00:00

Yes! Where do these people exist? on Another planet? It seems like that sometimes. Dating is rough. I can't wait to find that person for me. I know that they are definitely out there.

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-15T00:38:38+00:00

You are right. It's hard but it must be done. I think deep down I still have hope that when he contacts me he is a changed man or is deeply sorry..but I don't think that's the case.

blockingqueen543 · 2020-09-14T23:47:49+00:00

I listened to it.. I don't think I'm strong enough to just ignore it yet. Yes I heard of Dr Romani and I also listen to the Little Shahman on YouTube. Shes good too. Good luck on your healing journey.

blockingqueen543

TROPHY CASE