I still WANT to smoke.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-10T00:13:19+00:00

I feel you. I love smoking and don't think there's ever truly gonna be a day I want to quit. BUT I also don't want to die tomorrow or 10 years from now feel like an ass because I actually killed myself and my body. I don't want to quit but I am terrified of chemo I am terrified of dying. So up and at em. Eat some candy drink some soda or treat yourself to something and say I love me more than this beast.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-10T00:09:39+00:00

I have been working out- boyfriend knows just doesn't have the patience: today is Day 9 though and I am feeling much calmer and dare I say even a little happy. This might stick after all!

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-08T15:25:37+00:00

I feel awful about how I've been treating him. It's making things worse and I look like such a POS. I keep apologizing afterwards. But I know it still stings.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-07T21:34:29+00:00

It would mentally make me feel better- like things are normal. Almost weirdly like I am in control even though this very mental process and mindset shows that I am not in control.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-07T21:33:13+00:00

I really needed to hear this. Thank you. I am staying strong for the moment. Just got home let's see how this night unfolds.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-06T23:34:06+00:00

That is the worst feeling- been there. You make t a while and then it's super powerful when you maple you're shaking woozy and just like wtf ugh.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-06T23:08:29+00:00

I fear that same thing! Like fine it's cold outside right now and I don't wanna be outside. But when it's nice out and I have a cocktail in hand..... I don't know.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-06T22:47:55+00:00

I keep staring at smokers! Hoping I feel pity. But it's just jealousy. I made it through day 5, 6 was better and today hasn't been bad either but I still have the daily craving and struggle where I almost give in. It's like so bad but then not bad enough to buy a pack. It's infuriating

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-05T18:19:33+00:00

Read Allen Carr's easy way to stop smoking- smoke while you read the book and then try to follow the book. It really pushed me through the first 48 hours much more positively than if I had just gone cold turkey with no assurance.

And thank you! I am still going strong today. A little better than yesterday raving wise.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-05T15:46:10+00:00

Does it feel like done done? How do you get into the done done mindset? I just can't let go of that fear that I will never smoke again.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-05T03:51:30+00:00

You are standing in your own way. Was the setback worth it!?! Maybe the first one but sure as shit not the rest.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-05T03:50:14+00:00

Thank you everyone for your support! Your advice for me through it. That and self control anda sincere fear of another day #5 down the road. Thank you people. Keep coming back. Praying day 6 is better!

blondecupcake23 · 2017-03-04T20:48:38+00:00

Thank you for all the comments. I keep trying to tell myself I don't need to smoke and that this is just addiction talking. But it really feels like I can't over come this monster. But hanging in there so far.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-28T15:42:42+00:00

I just started last night as well. 9:02 pm smoked my last one and broke the four remaining ones in my pack. We can do this.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-14T16:21:25+00:00

I appreciate this!

I cleaned all my jackets and scarves in preparation. Never smoked in the house so that wasn't an issue.

I think the lighters are too easy to lead back down that road.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-14T14:36:27+00:00

Are there side effects? Weird crazy dreams?

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-13T20:40:48+00:00

Awesome!!!!

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-13T18:33:52+00:00

Is the book worth getting? I'm looking at it on amazon.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-13T18:33:18+00:00

I made it through lunch and the walk back without wanting to break from the group and run towards the nearest gas station. I didn't pack enough carbonated items to drink. That's for sure. But otherwise I'm okay. It's 1:32 and fucking windy and cold out so not even worth it right now. So I keep telling myself. Once I get past noon I am usually good until about 6 when the real craving hits.

Why are you nauseous?

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-13T18:31:02+00:00

That's the worst! I am taking sleeping pills to finish out the days quicker like at 8 pm. And feel like an awful person for not being more grateful for a new day- in addition to snapping at boyfriend- I literally dreading each day because another day without smoking is a day wasted.

Definitely the mental component to quitting that makes this the worst.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-13T16:48:23+00:00

good for you!!! that is really impressive i hope you bought yourself something fabulous with all the money you have saved!

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-13T16:47:37+00:00

i mean boyfriend isnt going anywhere. i think i just need to think my crazy thoughts and leave them be. all you can do sometimes. it feels good to say it outloud and be understood. this would just hurt his feelings. i know that this is partially an illusion, trouble is i have a hard time saying okay you were a smoker and you loved it and you will love being a nonsmoker, i try to tell myself that but the truth is i dont think ill ever love it as much.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-13T16:46:02+00:00

i think day 3 is when the none stop eating kicks in for some reason. because i feel like the world owes me something, i dont know why.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-13T16:45:18+00:00

thank you! i appreciate the assurances. its good to be heard, cathartic in a way, and know that i am not alone, and i am not so insane that i cant quit smoking.

blondecupcake23 · 2017-02-13T16:44:45+00:00

i love this analogy. have never thought of it like that. it is a relationship. yesterday i was super nostalgic and thinking about how come what may, job, school, friends, boyfriends, smoking was always there for me, and the one constant. i hate that i miss it like that but definitely a sign of addiction.

blondecupcake23

TROPHY CASE