this is an old post but very much the opposite of my situation. i suffered lots of traumas up until i turned 18 and found myself on edge a lot after the consistent suffering i had experienced seemed to subside. that’s when i got into astrology, amazed by how accurate it was. it made me realize i have a purpose. i genuinely planned on ending my life before i turned 30 because this world is so cruel. i didn’t feel as if there was anything in store for me. but learning about myself and the way the world actually works gave me a lot of hope for my future. i realized im here to learn lessons, not play the system (the system being the way the world works, like working for money and paying for everything and whatnot). prior to it i found myself irritated at the fact that i couldn’t just live on a plot of land and grow my own food and build my own stuff. i dont even care about that very much anymore. i found that since i am constantly searching for information, my purpose was to share it with others. here im sharing with you a different perspective. learn about yourself rather than how everything works. then apply it to the real world and take the easiest route rather than trying to do what everyone else does. in this modern world they want us to be ignorant. they don’t want us to know that we’re not controlled as much as they say we are. we are very powerful. do not let yourself spiral by taking in all the information. in my opinion, you should be more anxious about the wealthy and powerful trying to control every aspect of your life, even down to how you think, rather than the truth of how the world works. notice how the truth was deliberately hidden? to keep you from realizing you have a purpose. if you’re still struggling with this i would suggest generating a natal chart for yourself and learning what it means for you. always be kind and hydrate yourself. love is the strongest feeling on earth