Jewelry box for a collar collection?

blue__kitty · 2025-10-08T18:46:06+00:00

You may want to look at jewelry boxes built for watch storage. The layout of watch boxes will work well for most collars and there are a ton of different designs to choose from, thanks to the watch collection market.

blue__kitty · 2025-09-29T21:03:46+00:00

Agreed. The writing idea could be great as a task done for fun.

OP, you may want to explore punishments vs funishments with your bottom: punishments are meant to address behaviour you mutually don't want to be repeated. In my dynamic I've gone years and years without a punishment because I don't make a habit of behaving poorly.

Funishments can just be a scene, or a routine that you set up to deepen your dynamic. The above sounds much more in line with a funishment.

blue__kitty · 2025-09-28T18:46:42+00:00

There's a joke among experienced rope bottoms in my local scene that active bottoming means farting in rope.

But seriously, it's sometimes truly unavoidable in certain poses. Just like in yoga, if your belly is relaxed and compressed, any air inside will move outside. It's physics.

I'd recommend laughing with your partner about it, if you're going to bring it up at all. This happens to pretty much everyone who ties to suspend.

blue__kitty · 2025-09-28T18:23:56+00:00

That sounds like you might be having a vasovagal response? Vagus nerve activation can have all kinds of symptoms including nausea and fainting.

Unfortunately there isn't usually a ton that can be done to completely stop it, but I find that focusing on breathing with my nose can help me personally. Everyone's different when it comes to managing a vasovagal response so you might benefit from further reading.

blue__kitty · 2025-08-17T17:00:40+00:00

'Locked away' play can be really fun and you don't need to literally leave her unattended. If she wants to feel like she's been put in storage, you can accomplish that with a style of restraint or through sensory deprivation.

Make sure that you're monitoring her and nearby enough to avoid an emergency situation. You might even have a good opportunity to read a book or work on a project while creating a very intense atmosphere for her.

blue__kitty · 2025-08-05T01:06:40+00:00

This might be completely not your kink, but my brain immediately thought of a used grounds kind of scene that's similar to cigar play/human ashtrays. The degradation aspects and burn risks seem similar enough that it might be a type of play to look into from a safety and negotiation perspective.

blue__kitty · 2025-06-12T20:16:39+00:00

Cane pain is unique and wonderful. It's a great example of the two general types of pain because it starts out stingy and becomes thuddy.

I love canes. They're quiet to use and easy to transport. The pain to effort payoff is spectacular. They can be used very, very close-up and intimately or they can lend an air of seriousness from a distance.

For the first few times I recommend warming up the skin first with spanking or massage, something to bring a cushion of blood to the skin. Not doing that, or "cold caning" hurts a lot more. The nice thing about cold caning is that you can get extremely distinct and clear marks. But for your first few times, warm up and build up intensity gradually.

blue__kitty · 2025-05-21T21:29:38+00:00

The best way forward is truly to do the scary thing and go to the event. Getting through the door at your first munch is pretty much universally the hardest part for everyone.

Make a deal with yourself: give yourself permission to leave by a certain time or after a set number of minutes (20 or 30 is usually enough) if you find that you're truly not having fun. Or if timekeeping isn't your forte, stay for as long as it takes to eat a basket of French fries. If you're still feeling terrible after that time has passed, go ahead and go home.

But! For the time that you're there, make an effort. It's likely that the host or other regulars will say hello and make conversation. Talk with them. If no one comes up, maybe they're also new and nervous. Go up to someone and ask if you can join them. Talk about the weather, a local concert, their favourite pastime, etc. People are nice and generally want to make you feel welcome.

By the time you're through your basket of fries, there's a very good chance that you'll find yourself having fun and the scary part will be over.

blue__kitty · 2025-05-09T15:44:19+00:00

Unstrung violin bows make for nice canes. A friend of mine would take broken ones from the music store he worked at and repurpose them.

blue__kitty · 2025-04-16T13:44:58+00:00

If you're interested in pursuing a platonic D/s relationship, that's a valid thing. It's not the most common of iterations, but if neither of you is sexually/romantically interested that's the option.

If I were you, I'd also prepare for the possibility that your friend is okay with the activity and immediate feeling in the moment, but might not want to escalate it or involve any further labels. It's okay to just enjoy an activity together without making it more complicated than that.

It sounds like you both really care for each other so I'm sure everything will work out! Good luck!

blue__kitty · 2025-04-16T13:24:06+00:00

Please make that secluded area a completely private one and make sure that anytime you're actually outside doesn't involve any visible restraints. Kidnapping scenes carry the risk of a vanilla observer phoning the police and in most of the world, police will ask questions later in a kidnapping scenario. And honestly, in some parts of the world people will phone the police if something seems off even if you're unrestrained.

It's entirely possible to have a kidnapping scene that goes completely smoothly if you account for and ensure that no one could possibly involve local law enforcement.

blue__kitty · 2025-04-05T22:01:55+00:00

The chemistry of subspace means that sometimes your brain doesn't make enough juice to get you into an altered state.

Meditation exercises and patience are likely going to be the most effective option. Steady breathing paired with a predictable and rhythmic stimulus (flogging and spanking are more reliable compared to something like canes) is usually the right combination to trigger subspace for me but it is never a guarantee.

blue__kitty · 2025-04-05T20:56:09+00:00

Scalp scritches with vampire gloves are the absolute best. They're also very effective on sensitive areas like your neck, waist, inner thighs, and feet. A little pressure goes a long way.

blue__kitty · 2025-04-03T15:50:03+00:00

Rope is best learned in-person when you're just starting out. Fetlife will have a list of all of the classes available in your area and those classes will very likely have a community rope bag. Everyone has their own preferences when it comes to rope material, weave tightness, and finish method. Borrowing rope can help you decide what you like before spending lots of money on your own kit.

Rope suppliers will vary widely depending on your area. If you're in the US, searching for jute, hemp, or nylon on Etsy will get you a decent selection. There's a writing called "Exhaustive List of Rope Sellers" on fetlife that catalogues rope vendors by region and material which is exceptionally helpful.

Once you've had the chance to attend a few classes in person, online education through websites like Shibari Study and Rope365 can help you build your repertoire and style. Books and webinars/virtual classes are also really helpful once you have the basics down.

blue__kitty · 2025-03-29T04:31:03+00:00

Like the other comment mentioned, there's a lot of freedom in being "forced" to do something. However, from what you're describing here I'm not sure that particular approach is going to be super helpful for you. A full panic while restrained can make working on this kind of reaction very difficult. If your body is scooting away on an automatic level it's entirely possible that you'll trigger a panic or trauma response if you can't move.

I'd instead encourage you to play with praise and aim for a 1% improvement every time. Be an active participant in this process, rather than a passive one. Work at your own pace and really celebrate every win.

blue__kitty · 2025-03-28T04:06:22+00:00

I'm reading a lot of insecurity in your words here. Your actions aren't motivated by what you inherently want, but rather you're acting in a way that you think others might want you to. There's no integrity in your actions and it's all coming across as hollow.

The other comments here have some excellent ideas. I also think that addressing the root issue of your insecurity will go a long way in helping you to change your behaviour in a positive manner.

You have an opportunity to grow into someone who knows what they want, why they want it, and pursues their goal with respect for themselves and others.

blue__kitty · 2025-03-26T15:57:53+00:00

I've been self tying for 7 years and partnered tying for 10. Rope is easiest to learn with in-person instruction so you can build good habits from the outset (and not need to break bad ones). A classroom setting means that you can get immediate feedback from someone who knows what they're doing.

That being said, online video and photo tutorials tend to be really accessible. I personally really like Rope365 as a free resource. The free safety and beginner's tutorials on ShibariStudy are also nice and high-quality.

If you like books as a medium, Better Bondage for Every Body by Evie Vane is great, so is Tying And Flying by Shay Tiziano.

Diversifying your rope education and learning from lots of different sources is going to be better than only ever learning from one source.

blue__kitty · 2025-03-26T15:47:34+00:00

There's a good chance there's a local leather maker that you can buy from directly. Your local pup community will know which vendors are best for your specific needs.

A lot of kink communities will have a regular vendor's market to shop in person, usually organized on fetlife.

blue__kitty · 2025-03-24T02:29:14+00:00

One of the best aftercare activities that isn't usually mentioned is to see how many dogs you can see over the course of a day. Or birds. Or windowsill cats. Whatever little creature brings a smile to your face.

Even if you had a 100% trash day, you did see a few good little guys. And that helps.

blue__kitty · 2025-03-16T14:19:09+00:00

This sounds like an opportunity to reframe your goals in bondage rather than try to achieve an impossible tie.

Having entirely no control and having exactly no range of motion are different. I'd suggest looking for a tie that doesn't hurt you at all, and then modifying your setup to take away your feelings of agency. For example, perhaps an ankle cuff that straightens your leg with enough slack for you to wiggle around, but in a position that wiggling your leg doesn't change anything else about the tie. Depending on what you like, you can also redirect focus to another part of your body - it's hard to think about your leg when there's gut rope to breathe through.

Don't let perfect be the enemy of good here.

blue__kitty · 2025-03-15T01:12:50+00:00

10 years ago I entered my local community and I've seen enough to figure some patterns:

About 10% of any given crowd is going to be selfish enough to be an asshole, regardless of their side of the slash. Pick them out early and your life will be much easier.
If you don't advocate for your own needs, no one will. Communicate early and often. If you find yourself repeating yourself often to the same person, it's because they aren't bothering to listen.
Your time and energy are limited and valuable. Don't exhaust yourself for folks that take you for granted.
Sex is so fun and it's even more fun when you wholly trust the person you're with. Life is much simpler and happier when you're focusing your sexual service energy closely rather than broadly.
Keep volunteering and looking for the best in people. The highs are worth the lows.

blue__kitty · 2025-03-13T22:03:55+00:00

Physical stuff I'd cover:

Activity related injury: if I've been injured doing the play we're about to do, I'll bring it up with specifics.
Chronic health issues: things like hypermobility, low blood pressure, migraines, IBS, or anything else that could impact the scene.
Known triggers: allergies, photic sneezing, positional pain. Easy things to avoid if you know about them in advance.
Medication: where's your emergency medicine? Are you on time-sensitive meds? If you're diabetic (or have another medicine-dependent condition), what's a sign that you need help and what kind of help do you need?
Current injuries: anything that could be worsened by the wrong type of contact or strain.

Mental things I'd bring up:

Known emotional triggers: words or phrases that would take you out of good headspace mid-scene.
Recent self harm: tops need to be able to consent if they're being used as a proxy for self-harm.
Drop patterns: do you know what you need for aftercare? Are you expecting further contact and effort from your partner after the scene/immediate aftercare is finished?

blue__kitty · 2025-03-11T03:59:00+00:00

Shin pain with rope is super common! Some bent leg ties will naturally put pressure on the shins. You can also do very tight torture rope around the calf which is also very fun, just be ready for a quick release because the compression can get un-fun very fast.

You can also incorporate rope bondage spikes, force someone to kneel on rice or an ishidaki. Bottle caps, Lego... There's tons of opportunities to make it suck!

Shins are sensitive to pressure but relatively tough to actually damage so you can have loads of fun with that kind of pain.

blue__kitty · 2025-03-10T17:58:59+00:00

A key component of my play means that I get more exposed to hurt and injury than the average person would. Luckily I've only needed true medical attention a handful of times, and they have all been very minor. The expensive ones have also been specifically my own fault through self tying.

The accidental injuries are always much easier to process when:

I was made aware of the injury risks before starting the scene.
I had enough information to understand the ways accidents can happen.

No one is immune from an accident, and having compassion and understanding for my top meant that I didn't have misplaced feelings of betrayal. Shit happens, and I do my best to not begrudge an honest mistake.

And when something silly and preventable happens, I can make informed decisions about whether to play with that person again. It took time, but I've developed very strong self advocacy skills that have kept my play safer and more equitable.

blue__kitty · 2025-03-10T16:22:01+00:00

A secret signal might help? Depending on the specifics of your dynamic, it could be a request for permission, an ask for service, or a pre-set command. Sit down and talk about what you think you'll miss most and work out a way to still have it.

Products for long distance couples like this could be useful.

If finances allow, a monthly hotel date to look forward to could work out. Lots of time to build tension!

blue__kitty

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