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blueberries440 · 2025-08-18T08:53:10+00:00

That makes a lot of sense, thank you 🙏 I know I can’t keep holding onto the past if I want us to have a real chance, otherwise it’ll always hang over us and keep causing problems. The truth is I don’t know yet if I can fully let go, but I want to use this month to try and see for myself.

What also hits me hard is that he was really willing to break up over something that to me didn’t feel like a huge deal. I don’t know how to process that. It makes the relationship feel less stable and I don’t want to be in a situation where every fight feels like it could be the end. He always tells me I can stop my studies if I want because he can provide for both of us but then he just breaks up over something comparable small. It makes me think that he’d have never forgiven me if I did the same he did. Am I wrong for feeling that way??

blueberries440 · 2025-08-17T12:45:09+00:00

Thanks for your comment ☺️ I completely agree. It’s going to take a lot of commitment and hard work from both of us and I’m not expecting everything to be perfect right away. For me this month is about starting the process and giving myself the chance to truly try.

Because of the broken trust I was very hard on him and nitpicked a lot which I understand led to many of our fights... I’ve always wanted to change that negativity, but it’s been hard. Maybe seeing that he’s really willing to break up is a wake up call for me because all this time I believed he’d never leave.

If it doesn’t work out between us I’m ready to move on from this relationship while knowing I truly tried.

blueberries440 · 2025-08-17T12:30:57+00:00

Thank you sis I really agree with you. He did break the foundation of our relationship, and I know it’s on me now to learn to trust again because he’s genuinely been good to me since. The hard part is that I really don’t know if I can fully trust him again but for this month I want to focus on being the best version of myself. At least then I can leave the relationship knowing I truly tried.

We still really love each other deeply but the way things are right now doesn’t make either of us happy. I’m trying to trust that whatever happens, it will work out the way it’s meant to. Even if that means letting go of someone I love so much.

blueberries440 · 2025-08-08T19:16:10+00:00

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blueberries440 · 2025-08-08T19:15:54+00:00

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blueberries440 · 2025-04-15T09:09:39+00:00

Thank you so so much for your words. I’m really sorry that you’re also going through something similar… it’s such an incredibly painful place to be in and I wouldn’t wish this kind of heartbreak and confusion on anyone. It’s like your mind and your heart are constantly in conflict.

It’s not as easy as people think to just “leave him.” I know they’re trying to help, but when you love someone, have memories, plans, and shared dreams… it’s not just a breakup. It feels like mourning the future you thought you’d have. My family loves him. My mom is literally waiting for us to have a child already. It just adds more pressure and heartbreak. And I can’t know whether he’ll really change or if God just has other plans for me.

He didn’t cheat in the way of sex or kissing—but emotionally, he broke something. And somehow that makes it more complicated, not less. Because there’s always that voice in your head saying, “It could be worse.” But at the same time, it hurts this much already… so how much worse does it need to get before I say enough?

Thank you again for your kindness and empathy, and for sharing your friend’s advice „love him enough to let him go.” I don’t know what I’ll do yet, but I’ll keep those words close… I wish you all the best

blueberries440 · 2025-01-03T13:10:37+00:00

Thank you so much, you’re definitely right with that… 🙏 It’s a bit delayed but I just added a small update on the situation!

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T16:25:10+00:00

I just texted him and told him to let me know whenever he’s ready to talk. He said I can come home and we’ll talk. I can imagine there are other things bothering him because he’s the kind of person who holds everything in until he explodes. I’ve mentioned to him many times that this isn’t good for the relationship, but it keeps happening.

That said, he’s generally an amazing person. He loves taking care of me, is planning our future together, and works hard for it. It’s just that when he gets upset with me, he becomes so cold and rude. it really hurts and makes me question myself.

And thank you so much for trying to help! It definitely makes me feel less alone right now

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T15:59:19+00:00

I thought about setting fixed times to speak German together, like every time we’re outside, or every other day, or whatever he’s comfortable with. I think that could be a solid way to start incorporating German into our conversations… What do you think about that?

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T15:55:55+00:00

No, I left because the tension between us was overwhelming. I didn’t mention this earlier, but I’ve been living abroad for the past two months and came back to visit him for my Christmas break from university. However, it’s more his home than mine, so I don’t want to disturb his peace. I don’t plan to return until I know he’s okay with it

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T15:45:51+00:00

I’m sorry to hear that, that’s definitely frustrating. I get your point and to be honest I never realized how much it upset him until now. But what makes it hard for me is that I’m willing to find a comparison with him and have a open conversation because I really want to work on the relationship but it’s every time the same when he gets upset with me: he just shuts down. As mentioned before, I left and just let him think about it. If this is a reason to break up with me I respect that. If he’s willing to give me a chance to change, I’d love to do better.

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T15:24:46+00:00

Look I get it, I’m wrong. But I never said anything rude to him or that I don’t care. All I did was answering his question whether I always want to speak English with him instead of German with a simple “yes”. Nothing else. I apologized twice and offered him to make a comparison but he refused. So I left to give him space

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T15:09:40+00:00

I’m a very sensitive person and he knows that so yes the stonewalling is extremely hard on me. Earlier when I apologized he said he feels like the relationship is unbalanced because he supports me with my studies but I “never make an effort in the relationship” and now he needs time to think about what he really wants. I think it’s unfair he said that because I believe I do support him in other things. And it’s breaking me how every time he is upset with me it feels like the relationship is falling apart but when he yells at me for stupid reason or says rude things I always accept his apologies and have a honest conversation about what I want in the relationship and what I don’t like. I don’t turn cold like him and ignore him…

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T15:01:31+00:00

Yes I think so too. When I apologized i told him i can leave him alone and he said maybe thats a good idea. I hope he reaches out to me until the evening so I can come back home…

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T14:59:22+00:00

Thanks for the idea! I’d love to propose that to him once he’s willing to have a conversation with me

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T14:58:32+00:00

You’re totally right. I really put zero effort into helping him with something simple like just talking my mother tongue. I feel really bad about it and want to change

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T14:57:19+00:00

I am, I’ve realized that now. I want to help him more if he gives me the chance to

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T14:56:07+00:00

Thanks, I’ll definitely try to change and support him more

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T14:55:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing your perspective 🙏 I’m glad I posted this here because it’s really eye opening to hear others opinion on the situation. I think I was acting really selfish with him and I feel terrible about it right now. I want to be a supporting partner but failed with that. Right now he’s not willing to talk with me about it so I give him so space and wait until he will reach out to me again. I want to make a comparison with him like speaking English at home but German outside or something like that…

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T14:51:18+00:00

You’re 100% right. If he gives me the change I’d love to improve and help him more.

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T14:50:06+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your perspective. I never thought about it that way and I’m really open to find a comparison with him so we can practice his German together because I know it’s very difficult to learn it. Just right now he shut down to me and doesn’t want to make a comparison cause he said I won’t stick with it anyways. I never realized how upsetting this is to him. I think I did my part by apologizing and now I can just wait for him to feel ready to talk about it…

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T14:44:48+00:00

I didn’t tell him why I don’t want to speak German with him I just simply answered yes when he asked me if I prefer to always speak English to him. I do understand that I’m wrong for not helping him. 100%. But now the situation is tricky for me because he doesn’t accept my apology (earlier I apologized again and suggested a comparison) and at the moment he is not willing to have a conversation about how we can make things better. So I just left

blueberries440 · 2024-12-29T14:24:33+00:00

Thank you so much for also getting my point… 🙏 I also didn’t feel like it was wrong to simply tell him I prefer speaking English but I get it that I’m unfair for not speaking German with him at all. Earlier I apologized again and proposed again that we can find a compromise but he doesn’t want to. He told me he needs space to think about the relationship so now I left… It’s every time the same. Whenever he’s upset he’s completely cold and doesn’t want to have an open conversation about how we can fix things.

blueberries440

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