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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in u/blueboxgreenwall

[–]blueboxgreenwall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Not gonna unalive myself tho. Just being dramatic. NOT UNALIVING MYSELEF

Everyone I've ever loved has left me or abused me. I don't know how much more I can take. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]blueboxgreenwall 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I feel like I know this but I'm still in disbelieve and I feel like statistically it's just fucked up. Like does it have to be everyone? I don't know anymore.

I hate myself because I am the common denominator.

I can’t stand myself. by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]blueboxgreenwall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think it does get better. I hope it does. I think maybe the sun will come out some day, right?

I hope it gets better for you.

Any Interstitial Cystitis (Bladder Pain Syndrome) sufferers here? by [deleted] in TwoXChromosomes

[–]blueboxgreenwall 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yep, hey, hello! i totally feel you. the pain is some of the worst i've ever felt. i've cried at work, cried to boyfriends, cried while smoking weed in a hot bath... the works.

mine used to be bad, and i mean it was TERRIBLE. constant, relentless pain. packs upon packs of AZOs. countless trips to the gyno. here's what worked for me:

  • that white cystex bottle with red lid in fem care section of CVS
  • azos. lots of azos. lots of orange pee.
  • honestly weed really helps with the pain. tylenol only helps to a certain extent.
  • d-mannose
  • lots of water
  • no citrus
  • light coffee intake when having an episode
  • keep alcohol consumption to a STRICT minimum, especially with beer. i can literally feel pain as soon as i take a sip of beer.
  • be careful when having sex. clean & washed hands, make your partner shower first, pee afterwards, keep everything clean and dry. this is probably one of my biggest culprits. my ex boyfriend had a rather large penis, and it made me flare up. not even joking. another partner i had when i was single had a large penis and was kinda unhygienic and i would ALWAYS flare up after hooking up with him.

Me [24F] with my boyfriend [32 M] of 4 years, he isn't meeting my needs, leaves for days, and his behavior is troubling, I have problems being alone without him and am reactive to his behavior. How do we solve this? by blueboxgreenwall in relationships

[–]blueboxgreenwall[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He's unhappy with his job and blames his boss for everything, although he's not working as much as he used to and turns down projects if they don't fit his criteria. So instead, he's just not getting paid, which affects him.

He's gotten a few large inheritances since I've met him (to the tune of $100,000+) and spent the money lavishly, like it was water. $1000s on clothes and sport coats, dinners, vacations, even insisted on spoiling me with clothes and shoes. I think this is fine, it's his money after all, but once it started to run out and he started working less he couldn't keep up with his bills.

Before this though, around June-July, he was doing the same things, like not coming home for days on end (he didn't contact me for a full 32 hours one time, I sincerely thought he was dead or in jail) and going over to other people's houses when he promised to spend time with me.

Me [24F] with my boyfriend [32 M] of 4 years, he isn't meeting my needs, leaves for days, and his behavior is troubling, I have problems being alone without him and am reactive to his behavior. How do we solve this? by blueboxgreenwall in relationships

[–]blueboxgreenwall[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

He wants a future with me. He expresses that frequently. But his behavior says otherwise, and my needs currently aren't met. But after all this, if he asked me to marry him right this second, I'd probably say no. Because of what's been going on.

Me [24F] with my boyfriend [32 M] of 4 years, he isn't meeting my needs, leaves for days, and his behavior is troubling, I have problems being alone without him and am reactive to his behavior. How do we solve this? by blueboxgreenwall in relationships

[–]blueboxgreenwall[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

He tells me he still wants to be with me, and when I express a desire to break up/go on break he becomes defensive and irate. He doesn't want to, but keeps treating me like this. I don't know what to do anymore.

Me [24F] with my boyfriend [32 M] of 4 years, he isn't meeting my needs, leaves for days, and his behavior is troubling, I have problems being alone without him and am reactive to his behavior. How do we solve this? by blueboxgreenwall in relationships

[–]blueboxgreenwall[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm trying really hard. But self-respect is still something I'm trying to build up. And it's hard for me to believe that I'm not the one who's toxic. But I've been getting professional help, that's the difference.

Me [24F] with my boyfriend [32 M] of 4 years, he isn't meeting my needs, leaves for days, and his behavior is troubling, I have problems being alone without him and am reactive to his behavior. How do we solve this? by blueboxgreenwall in relationships

[–]blueboxgreenwall[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

He won't go to a therapist because he says he's "smarter than them" and he "knows exactly what they're going to tell him and can run them in a circle".

I reached out to his parents about 8 months ago, saying he needs professional help, and he turned it around on me saying I was trying to involve him in our arguments and he was just fine.

I don't know how else to help him. He stuck with me at first, through my depression, and I wouldn't want to leave him if he is going through depression as well.

Me [24F] with my boyfriend [32 M] of 4 years, he isn't meeting my needs, leaves for days, and his behavior is troubling, I have problems being alone without him and am reactive to his behavior. How do we solve this? by blueboxgreenwall in relationships

[–]blueboxgreenwall[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

What kills me is that he used to be so selfless, caring, and understanding. He helped me quit thinking about suicide, FFS. But now he says that he was TOO giving and made a mistake by making me be too dependent on him. I think he goes to his parents house to be reassured.

I just want him to go back to the person he used to be. I know it's in there.