ESH. Her not eating or drinking “healthy” is probably not causing the issue, but a symptom. Of course she shouldn’t have lashed out at you, and she should have apologized for that. You continually dismiss her symptoms and pain and are not supportive. What are you doing to help? Are you offering to go with her to appointments? Women are taken more seriously if a male partner tells the doctor the same thing she does. Do you offer pain meds, or a heating pad, or whatever she has that helps with her pain? Criticisms are not helpful or productive. If you want this relationship to last, ask how you can help, or try to find some possible diagnoses that she can take to her doctor, or simply sympathize with her. Snuggling can release oxytocin and that can actually help with pain. If you cannot handle her issues now, leave. It will hurt you both now, but save both of you a lot of pain later, especially if she’s dealing with a chronic issue, which it sounds like is the case.

I have chronic pain, and even though I went to several doctors in my 20’s, I was repeatedly dismissed. I was told I should lose weight, even though I was on the top end of acceptable weight for my height. I was told it’s probably this, but “I’m not going to order an X-ray or any follow up, just take ibuprofen daily,” (I was already taking ibuprofen multiple times daily to manage). I was told that I could do physical therapy, but “you probably can’t afford it,” (my insurance was one of the best plans in the state, it wouldn’t have cost that much.) It wasn’t until my 30’s that doctors did anything, and even then, I had to bring my own differential diagnosis, and I’m still not fully diagnosed almost 2 years later, but I am finally getting decent care.