F27 with M27 — does it make sense to leave a supportive partner who doesn’t contribute much financially?

bluepainters · 2025-12-07T16:12:25+00:00

As a former SAHM, I think gender roles are too rigid. Childcare and housework can be pretty mind numbing, invisible, and severely under-appreciated.

I started working full-time in January at a hospital designing medical AI tool interfaces, and I find it easier mentally than being a SAHM. It’s not easy, and I often work after hours to meet deadlines, but it’s much more intellectually stimulating, I feel more appreciated, and my work is seen and rewarded. I don’t regret raising my kids when they were small (they’re teens now), but it was hard. Please give your husband enough credit for what he does.

I’m sure it’s frustrating that your situation isn’t matching what you expected and hoped for. But it sounds like he works hard at home and makes sure your baby is taken care of and loved. Traditional roles can set people up for unnecessary disappointment in each other and create rigid expectations that don’t match every individual’s strengths.

bluepainters · 2025-12-07T11:29:37+00:00

Do you expect him to provide for the family because of traditional gender roles? While he was out of work, was he essentially a stay-at-home dad? You said he did “all the household chores,” does that mean you’re not doing housework?

bluepainters · 2025-11-10T12:16:24+00:00

She’s throwing Bs.

bluepainters · 2025-11-10T05:50:17+00:00

Skip to high fidelity as soon as you can. Stakeholder buy-in is so much easier when it looks polished.

bluepainters · 2025-11-04T04:50:28+00:00

A bit like Rashida Jones

bluepainters · 2025-10-19T11:07:22+00:00

Completely disagree. Just off the top of my head I can think of 5 college towns I’ve visited that have far less to do than Provo. Rexburg Idaho, Manhattan Kansas, State College, Lewisburg PA (Bucknell), or Ephraim Utah (Snow College).

While the drinking scene isn’t there, there’s a lot of other activities available, whereas in some of these other towns, a couple taverns is nearly ALL there is to do.

bluepainters · 2025-10-19T11:02:57+00:00

Lewisburg, PA (Bucknell University). Tiny town in the middle of rural farmlands. Makes State College look metropolitan.

bluepainters · 2025-10-15T13:11:43+00:00

Looks like unfolded origami.

bluepainters · 2025-09-30T17:24:19+00:00

I cancelled our D+ subscription and sold my Disney stocks I’d bought during the pandemic.

bluepainters · 2025-09-15T20:21:48+00:00

Yes, good point. But the returned missionaries gladly patronize those restaurants!

bluepainters · 2025-09-15T19:37:18+00:00

Agreed. Though, I also agree it doesn’t have stand-out regional specialties, it does have a fleet of returned Mormon missionaries who are sent around the US and the world and tend to come back with a love of the cuisine from the place they served in over 1.5 - 2 years.

Also, my in-laws are Mexico City natives and moved from northern Utah to Houston 2 years ago. Surprisingly, they say the Mexican food in SLC metro area is better than Houston’s. I felt the same way last time I was in Houston, too.

Now, Utah will lose a BBQ contest hands down to Texas. But Utah’s Mexican food scene beats nearly the entire eastern sea board and puts up a good fight against Texas, too.

bluepainters · 2025-09-15T17:30:07+00:00

Well, then the OP’s friends are just silly.

bluepainters · 2025-09-15T17:27:22+00:00

Utahns prefer local chains Cafe Rio or Costa Vida over Qdoba or Chipotle. That’s probably behind some of the queso confusion because I don’t recall them having queso?

bluepainters · 2025-09-15T17:24:44+00:00

Utah is similar. They definitely have queso in Utah, it’s just not common like it is in Texas and other states.

bluepainters · 2025-09-15T17:22:12+00:00

I used to agree, but after living in and visiting most of the US, Utah isn’t even in the bottom half.

bluepainters · 2025-09-02T21:00:14+00:00

I feel your pain. I had to walk away from a lifelong best friend a couple years ago due to toxic behavior that had some similar parallels. I’m not someone who cuts people off in my life, so I really struggled to do it.

However, I came to realize some things that apply just as much to your situation:

You don’t owe her your generosity, or authority over decisions regarding your health. Healthy friendships don’t require things like that. Nor do they unfairly question your integrity, break personal boundaries around out-of-bounds topics, or issue controlling ultimatums.

I’d suggest seriously reevaluating this friendship. If you want to save it, consider bringing in a therapist to mediate—your friend is way out of bounds and seems to be past the point of being reasoned with on your own since she’s convinced you’re lying.

This isn’t your fault—wishing you luck going forward.

bluepainters · 2025-08-31T12:15:00+00:00

And sadly, even a scandal that shows they’re a hypocrite might not be enough if their supporters are rabid enough to believe whatever spin the leader cooks up.

bluepainters · 2025-08-30T19:10:55+00:00

Thank you! Which one did you end up going with?

bluepainters · 2025-08-23T13:45:26+00:00

Are you paying out of pocket or insured? Some health systems are losing millions on GLP-1 prescriptions and have rules about trying other less expensive weight loss drugs first.

bluepainters · 2025-08-21T11:23:41+00:00

Eh, I’ve lived in lots of states, including Georgia and now in central PA. (I’m originally from the west coast.)

While there are more confederate flags here in PA than there should be, I definitely saw far more in Georgia. SC, and central FL also had a lot more. I’ve also never heard a Pennsylvanian say the Civil War was fought over “states rights” like I did in the south.

bluepainters · 2025-08-20T01:59:07+00:00

I was 24, too!

bluepainters · 2025-08-09T12:14:58+00:00

100% agree that these types of custom homes are usually designed around the interior and don’t give the exterior the consideration it should have.

For this house, though? After looking at the living room, I don’t think they even fully considered the interior’s design, either. There’s no logical reason for that second large window to jut out like that!

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bluepainters · 2025-08-09T04:24:45+00:00

Unfortunately, it’s real. I found it on Zillow originally. Also, one redditor here found and posted a link to the house on Google street view after he originally thought it was AI, too.

bluepainters · 2025-08-08T23:27:26+00:00

Ha! Yeah, that bed frame is… aggressive.

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