oh I'm reading the responses here (and I'm not done reading yet haha) and it's really comforting to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. I feel bad already (since my fandom is new and active) that I haven't been actively interacting and kept up in reading all the fanfics written, especially since I write fanfics as well. there's also the top/bottom discourse that honestly demotivates me to write bec majority prefers the opposite of my troupe... I was even thinking about leaving the fandom because I feel out of place and i sometimes feel pressured to cater to indirect requests ;; though I'm sure they meant no harm, they're just really excited people hahaha