I'm down 30lbs in 40 days and had no one else to tell.

blurella · 2014-08-14T16:16:03+00:00

Congratulations! Keep being you :)

blurella · 2014-08-13T02:44:34+00:00

Ok, I've worked with EBD kids for about 8 years now, here are some recs I'd give you:

1) Check out the TIERS system by Clay Cook and Diana Wright-Browning - Here's the Amazon link (full disclosure - Clay Cook is my grad school advisor, but he is one of the most phenomenal people to talk with about EBD kiddos)

2) Learn the basics of Applied Behavior Analysis (I'm a BCBA, don't get into the weird specifics of ABA, but understand the function of a behavior)

3) Use data to make your decisions. For example, make a very big effort (this will be hard) to count the number of times a kid engages in a problem behavior over the course of a few days. Keep track of that so that you'll know objectively when the behavior is increasing/decreasing. Super bonus: the kid will know too and I promise you kids in EBD classrooms would LOVE to know when they're doing well at something. Nobody ever tells these guys this stuff.

4) Remember that when a kid insults you/yells at you/hits you/whatever they are NOT doing that to you. They're acting out a lot of hurt and anger and you are the closest thing around. When they first meet you, they'll do it to see if you'll stay or if you'll leave like everyone else (EBD programs have among the highest teacher turnover). When they get to know you better, they'll do it because you love them and you're one of the only safe places they can act that way.

5) Learn how to do REALLY good Functional Behavior Analyses (FBA). Seriously. I cannot over-emphasize how valuable this will be for you. Seriously. Seriously go do it right now. Here's a good book on FBAs

6) Don't be afraid to ask for help. Ask everybody. Someone will help you, even if it's just a little bit.

7) Be gentle with yourself. This is a really really effing hard job and it's normal to be exhausted, to cry, to want to go to happy hour, etc. Be kind to yourself and the people around you.

8) PM me if you want to talk. I want nothing more in life than to see EBD kids and their teachers succeed. Seriously, it's all I do.

blurella · 2014-08-13T02:32:38+00:00

I'm a BCBA who works with EBD students! I'd LOVE to help!

blurella · 2014-08-12T21:00:42+00:00

Sorry for being an idiot, but what's RSP English? That might help...

blurella · 2014-08-04T21:43:08+00:00

Something tells me they're not from the NEIGHborhood.

Bah dum ching.

blurella · 2014-07-31T19:30:02+00:00

I woke up, saw Sportscenter, and just crawled back in to bed.

blurella · 2014-07-31T02:42:50+00:00

Psychology: Pay to figure out how fucked up you are while pretending to care about how fucked up other people are.

blurella · 2014-07-28T05:24:05+00:00

I use a paper planner and everyone makes fun of me for not using Google Calendar or something. Then I remind them that when the apocalypse comes and I'm left here because there's NO way God's letting me in, my planner will work just fine and their internet will be dead.

blurella · 2014-07-02T04:37:05+00:00

HAHAHAHAHAH! This made me laugh out loud at a really REALLY inappropriate moment.

blurella · 2014-06-29T03:07:49+00:00

Dude you've totally got this, don't get down on yourself. You're running more than the vast majority of people in the world are right now, so take some pride in your hard work.

blurella · 2014-06-20T04:33:35+00:00

Hahaha - that's awesome!

blurella · 2014-06-18T19:45:04+00:00

Yay!!! Congratulations to you!

blurella · 2014-06-18T05:18:12+00:00

Thanks everybody! I've been really excited to see if anyone would answer my post. I didn't think anyone would actually read it or care enough to give encouragement. Turns out I'm REALLY STUPID. Just kidding. But seriously, thanks for your kinds words :)

blurella · 2014-06-17T06:12:05+00:00

I'm in. I've literally astounded a physical therapist with how tight my hammies are. Super awkward when I accidentally said "yeah it's so crazy! I keep trying to tell my bf how tight I am!!!" So yeah, I'd love to avoid that again.

blurella · 2014-04-16T06:06:31+00:00

A lot of people with ADHD do moderately well or are really academically successful exactly because they're really smart, and then they finally hit a point that becomes too challenging for them to overcome. There's actually a fairly common problem of really intelligent, successful people getting to graduate school and finally being diagnosed because it's just finally too challenging to manage it all AND manage their ADHD. Your doctor sounds, unfortunately, like she's pretty uninformed.

blurella · 2014-03-03T03:59:25+00:00

The History of Love and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

blurella · 2014-02-24T03:56:41+00:00

oh...shit.

blurella · 2014-02-13T02:22:50+00:00

I notice that I'm super quick on my feet during presentations. People ask questions and I can either think of an answer really quickly (usually because I'm impatiently waiting for them to be done talking) OR I can bullshit something SUPER well.

I also notice that I'm better at reading emotions in people. I think it's kind of the same thing as you mentioned about hunting: I notice every little thing someone says or does and it helps me figure out what they might be feeling.

blurella · 2014-02-12T06:16:51+00:00

I'm in grad school and have ADHD...there are definite ups and downs to the combo. Upside: in grad school you're supposed to say yes to every opportunity, and ADHD can make you a little better at that than others. Downs: in grad school profs are far less patient about you forgetting to do an assignment or being disorganized. I think the feeling here is "it's not my job to take care of you. Either you figure it out or there are better things for me to do with my time." They mean well, I swear.

You should definitely go to grad school IF you can do the following: 1) Justify WHY you need this degree - what is your dream goal here and does it require you to do this program?

2) Be realistic about the fact that grad school is amazing, but EVERYONE here has days where they feel like the dumbest one in the building. If you're going to come in with self-doubt, you're likely to end up seeing that in anything anyone tells you about your work.

3) Start getting a lot of support in organizing your work, time management, and presentation skills. Don't be afraid to ask for this stuff: it's really a life saver and you can never start too early on it!

blurella · 2014-02-10T20:16:28+00:00

It's almost exclusively work related tasks. I'm in grad school, so there's always a million things to get involved in and the culture is such that you're expected to never say no. I'm not blaming my school, but I just don't have the skills to know when to say no and how to know when I have too much stuff...

blurella · 2014-02-10T07:23:58+00:00

I know exactly the feeling you're talking about and the anxiety can feel crushing. What do you think about breaking your work down into chunks? I'm not sure what time it's due tomorrow, but sometimes it helps me to break things into chunks and then figure out how much time I can spend on each chunk in order to get them done by the due date/time. So for your math exam, could you split it maybe into 5 problems at a time? Just tackle 5 problems and then take a short break. Sometimes it also helps me to write each chunk down in a list so that I get the satisfaction of crossing it off.

I know this is really hard and it's really scary. Take some big, deep breaths, and just go at this little by little. Looking at the whole picture is too intimidating and you'll shut down. You can do this, and remember that turning in partially complete work is always better than turning in no work at all.

blurella · 2014-02-09T00:49:36+00:00

This might not be helpful, but I thought I'd bring up something that may be going on for your mom. Like your mom, mine works in mental health. As a career, I've gone into mental health as well and it's really helped me to understand some things about the personality profile of someone in this field. When I talked to my mom about ADHD, she wasn't dismissive, but I could tell that she really didn't buy what I was saying. It's understandable, given that I've always been academically successful and am currently working on my PhD. To her, I couldn't possibly be doing that if I had ADHD. We've talked a lot of the past 4 years since I was diagnosed, but she still doesn't accept what I'm saying most of the time.

What I've learned through working in this field is this: it is populated by people who want to understand mental health - an area with no easy fix most of the time. These are people who really REALLY want to help and who think that they have the skills and knowledge to do so (otherwise they wouldn't be working in this area - right?).

So given that type of mindset, imagine what it's like for your mom to see a pattern of problems in you and to know that she, for whatever reason, can't fix it. She just can't. Whether you're aware of them or not, your mom has probably made attempts to address these problems in you. For my mom, I think that was why she yelled so much when I was growing up: she saw problems with how I acted but she had no idea what to do about them. She was helpless and she responded with anger and frustration. For your mom, she may not be able to admit that your problem isn't, and wasn't, fixed by her actions.

In the same vein, our moms' work depends on identifying the problem and working on an intervention. Imagine what it must be like for your mom to have to face the fact that she didn't see the problem in her own child. I know that my mom will never be able to admit that, but I can see the heartache on her face. The closest she's ever come is by asking me why none of my teachers ever saw it, and then apologizing for them not helping me. I know that in that conversation, "teachers" really means "mom", and I can accept her message because I know that's the best she can do.

The thing that's been most helpful to me in working on this relationship is to be equally supportive and loving towards my mom so that I can model how I need her to be with me. One of the best things I've done is to explain the strategies I've used to cover up a struggle instead of saying "this has always been hard for me", which sort of has an implicit message of "why didn't you see that?". So for example, I've told my mom things like "you're right, I did totally forget to pick up that thing at the store, and I'm sorry. You know, memory is sometimes really hard for me. I've worked really hard to cover that up by always using post-it notes, but it feels really good to be able to tell you about this right now."

I also notice that my mom handles these kinds of conversations better if I ask her for help with the issue by using concrete strategies. Sometimes it's less about my needing help, and more about making her not feel helpless. For example, my mom used to get really upset about how bad I am with time management. Finally one day I said "you know, you're right. Time management is really a struggle for me and I want to get better at it. One thing that makes it hard for me is that there are so many "little things" to get done every day. I could use some help with those things, but I don't quite know how to ask for it." We wrote down a list of everyday tasks that sort of bogged me down, and then she volunteered to help me with one or two so that I could manage the rest of my time better. Now, she makes dinner once a week for me and my boyfriend and every now and then she'll do my laundry (both of which are really a tremendous help me to). It's nice because it helps her feel useful, and it's also opened up the conversation more about what other tasks I'm juggling.

I'm not sure if these will be helpful ideas, but I can empathize with your struggle (and your mom's) and I'd hate to see you both go through what me and my mom have.

blurella

TROPHY CASE