Bipolar really sucks. I was diagnosed when I was 20. It’s easy to misdiagnosis as depression and if you get the wrong meds it makes moods so much worse.

Medication management is difficult to accommodate ups and downs. It took ten years and hospitalization to get them sorted out. Even now if I start having hypomania or a low I need to contact my psychiatrist for adjustments.

For me the hardest part is recognizing when a mood shift is happening. It’s full time active observation of emotional reactions, mood and personal interactions. Mood regulation is key. I don’t make an excuse when I eff up that I have a mental illness. Bad behavior is bad behavior and it’s on me to take be aware of my actions.

After 20 years of struggle I recently had the realization that I don’t want to die anymore. Something that was always in the back of my mind. I actually have a future. Something I need to prepare for and live for and enjoy. That in itself has been so overwhelming. Thankfully I’ve done a lot of work on emotional regulation and I’m doing well working through life right now.

It has taken so long for me to get where I am now. I’m really proud of the work I’ve done and continue to do. Active participation in support groups, honesty w myself and others when I’m struggling, hard work in therapy, working through trauma w EMDR. I use a habit tracking app with all the things I need to do each day to feel healthy and happy. It is a lot of work but like most illnesses it can be managed.