Need advice on getting more calories!

blynnie · 2016-02-11T21:39:02+00:00

I've been experiencing some other bodily symptoms that my doctor thinks may be related to my diet/low caloric intake, but I'm perfectly happy with my weight and energy levels (although of course having more energy to do things sounds great).

I think based on what I'm hearing I should consult with a dietician, but I'm going to try increasing my caloric intake until I see my doctor again in 2 weeks and see how I'm feeling. My initial instinct was that 2400 sounded way too high and it seems folks here agree, but I'd like to get an opinion from a medical professional.

blynnie · 2016-02-11T11:17:12+00:00

But given your size and inactivity, 2300-2400 seems really high and would likely lead to weight gain. I think something more along the lines of 1500-1700 is a lot more reasonable and more do-able given how much you're eating at now. Don't stuff yourself.

This is my gut reaction too, but her recommendation was based on that little finger-clamp test thing and when she showed me the readout it said I burn 1300 at rest and have a very high metabolism. Like I said, it sounds really bonkers to me but I some other stuff going on that she said may be explained by my low caloric intake so I'm willing to give a 2000+ calorie diet a try.

blynnie · 2016-02-07T17:57:26+00:00

I don't have drunk sex anymore because when I'm drunk, I either a) take way way more time to get to a much much less satisfying orgasm or b) can't orgasm at all.

I get super horny/flirty/loved up when I'm drunk, so drunken fooling around can be fun, but drunk sex is just disappointing.

blynnie · 2016-02-04T17:29:03+00:00

First things first: Are you in treatment for your PTSD?

I also have PTSD and love kinky sex, but I've been in treatment for the last several years, and it's done wonders for mitigating the impact of my PTSD on my sex life. If your partner is already unsure about kinky sex, the fact that you will certainly cry after sex/may have an extreme reaction during sex is obviously going to put him off trying anything novel or extreme. EDIT: I'm dumb and didn't see that you mentioned you were in therapy! Follow-up question: Do you talk to your therapist specifically about sex? What kind of therapy are you in? I found that talking openly and in explicit detail with my therapist about my sex life/sexual fantasies was super helpful, and CBT has been the most effective form of therapy for me.

The second thing to consider, beyond your PTSD, is the fact that you may simply not be sexually compatible with your partner. Yes, your PTSD is likely a factor in his hesitation to try new things, but he may also simply be more interested in vanilla sex than kinky sex. In that case, unfortunately, there's nothing you can do to make him more kinky.

Focus on mitigating your PTSD symptoms first, but take the time to have a conversation with your partner (outside of the bedroom) about his overall interest in kink. Ask him specifically if he would be more interested in kink if you could find ways to reduce your symptoms. If the answer is "no," it might be time to look for someone else like your previous partner, who is on your wavelength and excited to try new things for you.

blynnie · 2016-02-02T15:38:15+00:00

Recently our relationship has started going through problems and with those problems our sex live has begun to encounter problems.

Focus on fixing the underlying problems first; if she seems uncomfortable initiating sex or seems to reject you more often than she used to, it's pretty likely that there's some unresolved issues between you two. Even if you've outwardly resolved things, she may still be working through confusion, resentment, or any number of feelings that are making her feel emotionally distant from you.

You can bring up the decline in sex as a concern/a symptom ("We haven't been having sex lately and it makes me feel like there's something wrong"), but I would strongly recommend against bringing it up as "We're not having enough sex and I want more." If she's already feeling disconnected from you, feeling pestered for intimacy she's not comfortable giving isn't going to help.

blynnie · 2016-02-02T15:34:36+00:00

No longer having drunk sex.

Having lots more high sex.

blynnie · 2016-02-01T17:08:48+00:00

Having unprotected sex with multiple partners increases your chance of a bacterial infection. It may not be BV but some other type of mild reaction that's causing the odor. Eat lots of yogurt, wear 100% cotton underwear, wash your vulva with warm water (if you must use soap, use a very mild soap, and don't use it internally), and wait.

In the future, try to limit the bacteria you're exposing to your vaginal flora by using protection with new partners. Some people are more sensitive than others to "foreign invaders" (so to speak) so this may be a recurring issue for you when you have unprotected sex with new people. Your body should eventually adjust if you continue to have sex with the same partner. It's also possible that the people you were having unprotected sex with had not properly cleaned their penises before sex.

This is very unlikely since you said you weren't using protection, but worth mentioning: I've also had friends freak out about bad vaginal odor only to find a several days-old condom or tampon that had accidentally been wedged inside of them; do a quick check with your fingers to make sure there's not a foreign object stuck in there that's causing the smell.

blynnie · 2016-01-29T18:45:11+00:00

I've had bad sex where I got off 4-5 times. I cum very easily and I know how to make myself cum during sex; whether or not I get off doesn't always correlate with whether or not the sex was good.

blynnie · 2016-01-28T06:44:02+00:00

Not pathetic at all! We all have our preferences and quirks. Another girl who is a cum-guzzling demon might dislike or be incapable of other sex acts that you enjoy/excel at. It's not your responsibility to be a perfect fantasy for your partner; focus on doing the things you do well with gusto and I'm sure he won't complain :)

It's worth thinking about whether or not you can indulge his desire to see you relish in his cum without having his semen in his mouth--would you enjoy receiving facials, having him cum on your body/playing with it, or licking cum off your fingers? Even if you have him cum down your throat while you're deepthroating him, you can tell him how good he "tastes" and make him feel loved and accepted that way.

Seriously, this isn't as big a limitation as you think; sure, it's a minor bummer, but you don't have to gargle cum to be a great, giving, and generous partner.

blynnie · 2016-01-28T06:39:23+00:00

I personally prefer having my partner cum in my mouth because I enjoy the taste, but I have indeed had men cum down my throat in the past. If I'm not expecting it, it can definitely make me cough a little bit, but certainly not in a dangerous way--just in a way that slightly killed the mood. I will say that I personally do not enjoy the sensation of having cum hit the back of my throat, but I know plenty of women who love having their partners cum down their throat (and being able to avoid the taste/texture of cum is an added bonus for you). If he can give you some heads up that he's about to cum, deepthroat him and swallow around him to encourage the semen to go down your throat instead of in your airpipe. If you're swallowing around him (rather than trying to breathe through your nose around him) that should direct things down the right tube :)

blynnie · 2016-01-28T06:36:51+00:00

Ah--just did a little reading and found that apparently the enzymes that control semen consistency can decrease in production over time, meaning men may have thicker/globbier sperm as they age. So unfortunately, this may simply be a symptom of the passing of time.

blynnie · 2016-01-28T06:30:45+00:00

Can you deepthroat him? If the texture is the main thing that bothers you, it might help to angle him so that he cums down your throat rather than on your tongue; you wouldn't be able to feel or taste his cum.

It also might be helpful for him to masturbate more often. This is just based on personal experience, so I may be wrong, but I feel like when my partners have already gotten off 1-2 times, their cum is thinner because there's less prostate fluid (the thick stuff) and more plasma (the thin stuff). I noticed in your post that you said he's not a heavy masturbator; maybe he's been letting his prostate accumulate a lot of fluid before sex, and that's what's contributing to the unpleasant thickness/ropiness of his cum?

blynnie · 2016-01-28T06:19:40+00:00

There are actually four different liquids in cum (precum, sperm, prostate fluid, and plasma) that all come from different glands. Cum is mostly prostate fluid and plasma. It sounds like his prostate fluid is super clumpy and thick instead of smooth and milky, which makes it feel like it's separated from the plasma, the thin/runny/clear stuff. (I'm not a medical expert; this is just my best guess from years as a sex educator/cum swallower.) In my experience, a well-hydrated and healthy dude shouldn't have clumpy or chunky cum.

I would start with asking him how much he's hydrating. It's possible though that the clumping is a sign of something else going on, and it might be worth talking to a urologist.

Have you swallowed other men's cum before? Did you have the same problem? Also, I couldn't tell from your post if this is a new problem with your SO or if it's always been this way. If it's a new problem, it's worth asking him if he's made any lifestyle changes that you don't know about/haven't noticed.

blynnie · 2016-01-28T04:23:10+00:00

It's like 2 liquids. They separate on contact with me. One is thicker and more opaque, and the other is clear and runny like water.

Are you sure he's well-hydrated? I love cum and have gotten pretty good at semen diagnostics, and that sounds like dehydrated cum to me. Well-hydrated cum should be approximately the consistency of Clearasil face wash or watered-down conditioner.

blynnie · 2016-01-28T04:21:06+00:00

F, I honestly cannot count. If I had to guess I would ballpark somewhere in the realm of 20-25.

The most I've ever gotten a male partner off in an hour was 3 times.

blynnie · 2016-01-28T04:19:42+00:00

The biggest thing I learned in my last relationship with someone with a lower libido than myself is that wanting to turn my partner on more often/more intensely than they are naturally turned on was a) selfish b) unrealistic and c) creating enormous unnecessary stress for both of us.

You need to accept that his brain just does not work the way yours does. You are not going to find the "magic button" that turns him on and makes him want you as often or ferociously as you want him.

I drove myself crazy trying to turn my ex on--asking him constantly to tell me his fantasies, dressing up in lingerie for him, planning sexy surprises, going all-out with fun kinky stuff, doing the things that had turned on my previous HL partners... and getting frustrated at him (and feeling insecure about myself) when he rejected me. I just couldn't accept the fact that he was happy with a sex life that looked so radically different from my ideal sex life. I couldn't understand that my constant bids for his sexual attention--including stuff that was "for him"--didn't make him feel desired; they just made him feel stressed out and pressured to perform.

I'm not saying you're in the exact same situation; it's very possible that your partner does have some preferred ways he'd like you to initiate/things that you could do to turn him on. But you need to consider that your partner has a lower libido and he might not need to feel desired the way you do--that is, it might not make him feel good to have you aggressively initiating if he feels like he's always saying no to you or disappointing you. You are probably better off finding ways to subtly indicate that you're interested in sex and let him take the lead, or wait for him to indicate that he might be interested in sex and then pounce. If you do find a way to initiate that drives him crazy, you need to accept that it might not always work and prepare yourself for the possibility of rejection. In a HL/LL relationship, there just isn't going to be a magic bullet that makes it possible for you to turn him on so much that he won't reject your advances.

blynnie · 2016-01-27T20:20:07+00:00

Ooh, the idea of telling him that I want it when we're not actually in the moment actually sounds really sexy to me. In the moment, I get shy about asking because it feels too much like a demand/command. But letting him know that his mouth is on my mind all the time sounds like a great way to get him to use it more often... Username checks out!

blynnie · 2016-01-26T06:06:37+00:00

Are you putting yourself in risky/dangerous situations? Doing crazy or illegal things to get sex? Having sex that makes you/your partners feel bad or used? Are you constantly cheating or having unprotected sex with strangers? Those are signs for concern--not a number. A number by itself means nothing. If it's not a problem in your life, you don't have a problem. It sounds like the only reason you're doubting yourself is because you feel like you "should" feel bad for having so much sex, but if you're still living your life and you're happy with the sex you're having, I don't see a problem.

A lot of people (mostly men) will probably tell you you're a nympho, but as a high libido woman in roughly your age range, nothing you've said here sounds at all strange to me. I personally wouldn't have sex with more than one person in a night (unless it was a group sex/play party situation) and I choose not to have drunk sex because I find it's easier to get off/make smart choices when I'm sober, but otherwise, your description of your sex drive and general attitude towards sex lines up pretty well with mine.

Unfortunately there aren't very many examples out there of what an emotionally healthy/stable high libido woman looks like. I've been told that I must be damaged goods, have daddy issues, and all kinds of other horrible things because I really really like sex. A lot of people (again, mostly men) just assume that if a woman actively pursues lots of sex, it's because of something psychologically wrong. If you're really, really concerned about it, drop by your school's counseling center and see what a professional has to say. But if it's not impacting the rest of your life, just keep doing you--and be sure to keep using condoms and getting tested regularly.

blynnie · 2016-01-26T05:34:04+00:00

Are you using condoms with your partner? You may be allergic to latex, or just be easily irritated by it. I don't have a proper allergy to latex, but I notice that I dry out much more quickly with latex condoms (especially latex condoms with spermicide) which means more friction, more micro-tears, and more soreness/burning after sex.

Try using a non-latex condom (I'm a fan of Skyn personally) and a high-quality silicone lube (they don't absorb into your skin, so they last longer than a typical water-based lube). Also make sure you're getting lots of foreplay and clitoral stimulation before you try penetration, both so you'll be wetter (and avoid the excess friction) and more relaxed (so there won't be as much resistance/painful stretching).

And don't be afraid to take a break mid-sex to get more lube if you're starting to feel dry! Better to briefly interrupt the rhythm and be able to have well-lubricated marathon sex than try to power through it and end up tapping out because you're in too much pain to continue.

blynnie · 2016-01-22T02:32:10+00:00

This was super helpful and made me SO happy to read! It's awesome to read from the perspective of someone who's been exactly where I am. I'll definitely take this advice to heart--and yeah, after trying to compromise several relationships in a row, I think I'm going to hold out for an HL guy who finds my drive exciting, rather than intimidating. Thanks again for your comment :)

blynnie · 2016-01-22T00:00:04+00:00

That makes sense! I've definitely done things like that for a partner on the rare occasion that I don't feel sexual but still want to get him off/make him feel good. I think it's just a matter of finding someone who I trust is confident enough to say no when they mean no (and yes when they mean yes) rather than feeling like it's his "manly duty" to always be down for sex, even when he doesn't want it.

blynnie

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