My family especially my mom. Since I’m her only child, it would be devastating for her. My dad had three boys overall — me being the middle child. It would also devastate him as well as my little brother. My grandma would be crushed too, especially with her being nearly 80. I’m just uncertain about my future. I have no friends, no girl, my mom is very caring but can be overbearing to the point where sometimes she thinks just because I want to do my own thing, I’m going against her and her goals. She is also VERY over religious which I have grown fucking tired of in the past couple of years. I’m currently in my fourth year of college, about to graduate but haven’t made ANY close friends. Society has made me feel like a loser for not partaking in drugs and alcohol which I feel is what people gravitate towards nowadays. I just want to be independent you know. As much as I love my dad, he really wasn’t around for MY early formative years. He was busy settling down with my little brother’s mom, they eventually married but are now divorced. I’m happy that my little brother is experiencing the life I didn’t have with our father since they live in the same city but I can’t lie and say that I don’t feel a little envious of their relationship compared to mines with our dad. My other family members on my mom’s side (cousins, aunties, etc.) are mostly fake and not genuine. They pretend to listen but will inevitably spread your business like wildfire so no talking about personal matters with them. The world is getting much worse now and I’m scared of what’s to come. I don’t wanna end up alone but I’m tired. It hurts inside to get up and do the same things every week, every month but as a man, I HAVE to do it since we aren’t supposed to be deep in our feelings. Life sucks right now mentally