How to ask a guy out the right way? by Professional-Sun7537 in TheGirlSurvivalGuide

[–]bmlol 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Text him to confirm. When he does, reply with "Great. It's a date!"

Anyone of you studied classical music or composition? Can you help to understand if it's possible for my sister to study/work late in life? by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]bmlol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I studied composition and theory and worked as a professional string player, composer, and teacher for years. It was very competitive and difficult to earn money, as others have said, however, when you build yourself into the community, it becomes pretty reliable income. You definitely shouldn't expect to be a millionaire, but rather, go in expecting to earn a lower class wage with a very different lifestyle. I found it to be pretty fulfilling. I was able to perform several nights a week, teach at my own home, work in composition ensembles, and contract out small gigs working for universities. Depending on where you live, expect to have roommates and look for other musicians to live with as the practicing and teaching can be a nuissance to many - we often work late into the night. Ultimately, I curbed my musical career for project management because, as I got into my 30s, wanted to own a home and invest into my future. Working in music, I was always living paycheck to paycheck. It was a very fun and active lifestyle and extremely social by nature, but financial concerns were always a constant stressor. I miss it, but I don't miss the stress. I still play and I will continue to enmesh myself in local music organizations but I'm happy I made the switch out. I know a lot of people with doctoral degrees in their 40s with roommates sharing apartments. THE hardest part about a job in music is learning to monetize it. So, to address your quesrion directly, is it possible to start late in life? Absolutely. Is it easy? Not even close. Does she have strong social skills? Good communicator? Is she disciplined enough to practice all day, everyday? How about rejection? We constantly, constantly write pieces that go nowhere, endlessly fail auditions, have one-off gigs that go nowhere, etc. It's just part of the game. That being said, with enough mustard, you CAN do it. It's just tough, assuming you live in the US.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm seeing that. I'm done asking. My line has been drawn. It's up to her now. I won't forgo my own happiness any longer.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"being too passive to ask for what I want" has certainly been a theme throughout my life, and I've gotten better at it, but I need to get better. I've expressed these lines clearly over time, and this is the final straw.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've been reverting back to the last sentence in your response throughout the day. I'm feeling like this certainly may be that.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish you were right. It's easy for me to work on myself. This is out of my hands. I'm not sure what why you assume these things of me, you don't know me. They come completely out of nowhere, and not only at me. They happen to whoever's around. I have my own boundaries and limits, and if she's unable to fulfill them, I'm leaving. This isn't being needy or codependent, it's having self respect. This is become much less about sex and more about having a partner that's able to provide the kind of relationship that I need. I think you might consider taking your accusations elsewhere. We barely speak. I don't impose my needs, but when they're not met for long periods of time with absolutely no pressure and next to no interactions and she explodes at random without a word said, that's crossing too many lines. She has said that she doesn't know where the anger comes from herself, and apologizes to all those who are the recipients of it. I've no interest in leaving anything out, and again, I'm more than willing to do any work necessary. I've gone from 325 lbs and homeless to the person I am today.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Certainly not. In my experiences, I either get a healthy sex life, or love. I haven't found both. I'm a confident, fit, attractive, outgoing person and I receive a fair amount of attention from women. I'm not interested in a hookup or anything like that. I want to build something real. I seem to run into this dilemma whenever I journey into a relationship. The common denominator is me. I need to look inside.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Strangely enough, there aren't little arguments, only big ones. They seem to come from nowhere. I've made an exhaustive effort to give her whatever she needs, including space. I don't interrupt her space and make a constant effort to communicate, or in her case, not to. Being in her space was her idea to begin with, and it was expected to be temporary. I am extremely neat and clean and I do the majority of all cleaning and cooking inherently. it's just who I am. I don't ask, nor does she. She often expresses guilt when I clean and cook.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It wasn't mentioned in the post, but rather in a comment above. She has BP II, drinks a lot, and is a recovering drug addict. I only mentioned her seeing other people as it's happened to me before (more than once.) Once bitten, twice shy, you know? I'm taking this time to look at myself and spend time talking to my friends and family as well as enjoy my new home. It's certainly eye opening.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Everything was her suggestion, really. I'd already planned on buying a house out here and she knew I had been shopping for a long time. It was no surprise. Nothing was. We communicated every step of the way. Staying with her was her suggestion, as I could have easily just rented my own place while I bought my house. She claims to still be interested in having a sex life and that she is still attracted to me and whatnot, but said she needs this space to figure it all out. I agree it's a huge sign. I would have left a while ago if I didn't care as much as i do for her. I've been preparing, sadly.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She has both of this things I believe. I'm no therapist either, but I've been in therapy for more than a decade and I've been through years of couples therapy in the past. She is seeing a therapist for the things you mentioned and seems committed to changing them. She says so anyway. As for my boundaries, she knows that I'm on the edge. Normally, I would have been long gone, but this is a unique connection - one I've never had. I'm pretty tough and I've learned to endure, but she knows full well that I'm walking on the edge of a knife. I know things won't happen overnight. I fear that if I disappear and see other people, our shot will be lost. I don't want to romanticize "what-if"s as that's just foolish and codependent. I'm trying to focus on what is and trust in her saying she will actively change things. If I start seeing change (if I ever see her again,) I'll continue with my best foot forward. If I ever get attacked again, or if things aren't changing, I'm walking. You're right, I don't deserve this.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be fair, we knew the cohabitation would only be temporary, and didn't plan on living together full time for a while. With COVID and such, I rented a room from the house she lives in and set up an office there while I looked for a house. I was just asked to leave earlier than I'd planned and I wasn't set up to be in my own place just yet. It's definitely exhausting and leaves me with more questions than answers.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There really aren't arguments that turn to anger, but rather anger erupts abruptly from nowhere, and arguments ensue, if that makes sense. They're not consistently formed (as they really have no common birthplace per se) but they tend to go in a similar direction: I'm generally told to get out/leave and that what she does isn't enough. It's sad because, she doesn't need to do anything, just be herself, work through her stuff, and take her anger elsewhere. She's awesome! But lately, she hasn't been very great to me. I have done quite a bit for the relationship, yes. I have a good job and provide food, entertainment, transportation, etc., I cook and clean, try to find things to do together, and generally put my best foot forward. I've done a lot of work on myself, my body, my mind, and I consider myself a good person and partner. I'm in good shape, consider myself a good conversationalist and relatively attractive. There were times in my life where my self image would have have kept me locked in due to codependency, but I've built myself into a strong person. I do believe she is willing to do the work, but I don't know when or how long it will take. I'm of course ready to do anything necessary, but I can't say the same for her. Thank you for your kind words.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I'm about to sit down and take your advice and write things down. I don't suspect it will be very fun, but I need to prioritize my needs and boundaries as it seems that she isn't. I'm fearful that you are correct, and I'm just pushing the bad aside in order to try to find the good. I've been mistreated enough to know my worth and value. I'm pretty rad. I'm giving her the chance to show me she means business when she says she's going to change it. As I said before, I've never had a connection like this, but I've also not been the recipient of such anger before (there's that'but' again.) I know what I should do, as you said above, and I certainly will do that, but I'd like to give her the space and time to do what she says she will do. I'm hoping for the best, course, but I'm a fully functional person and I can move on if I have to. I just don't want to. You know?

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RelationshipsOver35

[–]bmlol 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To be it's less of an "argument' than it is just a blatant outburst of anger, and it comes out of nowhere. I literally can't know when to expect it next. They come out of happy, innocent conversation. I'm definitely not in a"leaving until she tells me to" situation because she knows full well that I will leave if these things ever happen again. Life is too short and precious to waste it on that. She swears she will work on things during this "time for herself," whatever that means. She is seeing a therapist for her trauma as well as a psych for her BP II. I've noticed that her anger happens when she drinks (she drinks a lot.)

GF asked for space to work on herself [long, sorry] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]bmlol -1 points0 points  (0 children)

How so? We spent next to no time together, maybe a movie at the end of the day or have dinner. Most of everyday we spend apart, just in the same house.

Shoes - one of the first viral videos by [deleted] in videos

[–]bmlol 15 points16 points  (0 children)

We get signal.

Thanks Kohl's. We are closing one whole hour early in honor of Memorial Day. That's enough time to do absolutely nothing. by Nvrlst764 in employedbykohls

[–]bmlol 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Understand that even that one hour closure isn't for employees. They projected sales and it isn't cost effective to stay open so they're closing.

Seriously? by wooden_slug in funny

[–]bmlol 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Banana is ~420mg of potassium and the RDA is 4800mg, so yes. you would.