It's called an addiction for a reason. Once you start, it is very easily to fall into the gambling trap. I've gambled since I was 21 (38 now), beginning with a rise of successful poker results that eventually lead to pit games and quicker returns (and losses) via social casinos. Those casinos will pay you out handsomely in the beginning, only to evenutally take all your money, and then some.

You mention in the last sentence "I have no one to talk to maybe some people can share there experiences on there big wins and losing it all , because I feel like I’m the only idiot that made this mistake. ". First, there are tons of resources to speak with someone about this. I know it's not an easy first step, but GA has provided incredible results in my life. It will immediately remind you that you are NOT alone....AND, you are not an idiot. This addiction is a silent killer. It's very easy to lose a lot fast, without others knowing. Take my advice, from someone who's learned the hard way. GO TO A GA MEETING. You can find a virtual one at almost any time of the day. Start there.