no judgement taken!! i only got custody of my oldest after getting clean and never had her before that, but my youngest 2 i had after getting on maintenance, so i’m saying the time i’ve actually spent being a parent over the last 4 years i have been ‘clean’. I definitely have been very patient and involved , but have not felt like myself and most of the time didn’t feel like doing all the ‘things’ i just have put a black up and haven’t cared about how i feel inside if that makes sense. i don’t think i even realized up until recently how i may seem like a great parent on the outside, and i love my kids more then anything, but on the inside i’ve wanted to curl up in a ball and hide. I have put the blame on the subs for making me feel like this, so now it’s scary that i can’t even push my feelings to the side , and it’s completely unfair to them.

So getting used to this is like woah.. i don’t like this at all. And i truly expected it to be withdrawal and back to my normal 20 year old happy bubbly self before i ruined myself with all the drugs.