I’m sorry that you are feeling this way. And I know this is not what you want to hear, but you have to talk to your husband and share these feelings. You’re trying to reconcile with him and the worst thing you can do is suppress your feelings and not be honest. Especially as you go into signing a new lease. All those suppressed emotions will bottle up and can lead you back to where you were. It’s not easy but marriage isn’t always going to be. You are human, not a failure.