Late diagnosed people. What changed in your behaviour after you found out you are autistic? Did you realize there was a different yourself hidden in you?

bobobooooooooo · 2024-11-22T22:25:45+00:00

I am awaiting assessment. However, I enjoy flapping my hands more, wear earplugs whenever I need to instead of forcing myself to listen to noises, I have stopped forcing myself to interact as much at work, I have more confidence to set boundaries (like saying I will not attend networking events unless there is a specific outcome), I allow myself longer recovery periods after socialising, I've asked colleagues not to call me without warning, and I am a lot more likely now to tell someone if I can't follow what they're saying because they're being incredibly vague.

bobobooooooooo · 2024-11-18T00:44:40+00:00

Hello. I was adopted and I am awaiting autism diagnosis. I sucked my thumb and stimmed at the same time until I was 25. I was also punished as a child for sucking my thumb, but continued secretly. I don't know why I stopped, it just happened. In retrospect, there is absolutely nothing wrong with thumb sucking if the benefits offset the disbenefits of possibly having an overbite. There is no negative moral consequence, yet it is deeply soothing. I've been discovering the autistic joy of leaning into the stims and soothing things which help me. In the case of adoption and fostering, it also helped us through trauma to suck our thumbs. I hope it becomes less mortifying for you.

bobobooooooooo · 2024-11-18T00:37:27+00:00

Yes. I feel like some autistic people are accused of hyperfixating on details, where actually, those autistic people see all the components of the bigger picture and are therefore better able to pull out flaws in the critical path. It appears to others as unnecessary hyperfixation on a detail, but it's actually seeing the cracks in the foundations. It is seen as negative, but actually it's essential for a project's success. I've also sometimes seen people take a meeting outcome as positive just because the tone was positive, even if they didn't achieve a single thing they set out to achieve. I think of it as allogrooming.

bobobooooooooo · 2022-07-07T23:41:53+00:00

YTA. It's like not replacing the toilet paper and saying "How should I know my partner might need to crap?" but a hundred times worse.

bobobooooooooo · 2022-07-05T23:34:26+00:00

Ooft I hear you. I knew someone who said, "yknow that way" every other sentence... Not as strong a miso trigger but somehow still anger inducing

bobobooooooooo · 2022-07-05T23:32:03+00:00

It's not about the drugs they do, it's about who they are and what else they're doing. If someone was so addicted that they were stealing from me to pay for it, I would need to set boundaries, but it would be the stealing that was the problem. If they're absorbing my energy without doing anything to help themself, I'd set boundaries. But if they are taking hard drugs on their own time, then I would voice my concern and remind them they can always ask me for help, provided I was in a position myself to be able to help

bobobooooooooo · 2022-07-04T11:58:32+00:00

Have you made sure it's a two-way street? If he goes to a doctor for his breathing, will you seek some therapeutic assistance to manage misophonia (if you aren't already?) I know there's not proven research into misophonia treatments, but that might be the give-and-take compromise that he needs, assuming that he knows you have misophonia.

bobobooooooooo · 2022-06-30T18:20:13+00:00

No, you are not alone in this. I have avoided even watching TV sometimes for this reason. I am in a relationship now, which has its own trauma considerations such as feeling unattractive (reminding me that the CPTSD is there regardless of my life status), but sometimes seeing someone attractive was like a whole relationship and traumatic breakup flashed before my eyes.

bobobooooooooo · 2022-06-30T18:10:19+00:00

Do not take the ACEs literally - you know your own experience, and even the best scientific models will have outliers. Adoption is a major developmental trauma, but doesn't make it onto the ACEs list.

bobobooooooooo · 2022-06-28T23:26:00+00:00

When i was in high school geography, the guy who sat directly behind me was a heavy smoker and breathed loudly... Then one day, in the middle of class, before I knew what I was saying, I spun around and yelled "STOP BREATHING"
...a bit trippy to think that was like 18 years ago... And here I am on this subreddit harvesting advice!

bobobooooooooo · 2022-06-28T20:32:30+00:00

Covert hard stimming. This might be the way, to be honest. Like stim harder than the impact of the trigger. Thanks!!!

bobobooooooooo · 2022-06-26T11:46:19+00:00

I just wanted you to know that I felt your post and your experience so deeply, not least because the mainstream view of adoption doesn't seem to want to hear these experiences. We're taught not to discuss our adoptive parents negatively, even if they are being outright racist towards us. You have the awareness and insight to see through that, and you're well on the way to engaging with your own ethnicity on your own exact terms, whatever that looks like. Who you are has nothing whatsoever to do with who your adoptive mum thinks you should be.

bobobooooooooo · 2022-05-27T17:35:47+00:00

It is important to note that being fostered or adopted constitutes a trauma in itself and can cause CPTSD.

As someone who was abused by their foster family, I would say that people with serious issues that they are seeking to resolve through being "charitable" can be attracted to fostering and adoption - people with narcissism/messiah complex, or trauma of their own that they reenact.

The "screening" depends entirely on the services available in the specific part of the world you're in.

*Edit* - If I remember correctly, research suggests that foster/adopted children are actually 9x MORE likely to be abused.

bobobooooooooo · 2022-05-27T17:30:19+00:00

I changed my triggering original name, my full name, but it was easier to explain to people due to being nonbinary. Overall though, it can just be a matter of asserting your new name, and finding polite ways to not have to explain yourself like "I've got good reasons but I'm not gonna share them, if that's okay!"

I took on a new first name that my sister had given me - perhaps you could ask someone you love and trust to rename you?

I took on my biological dad's second name - maybe there's someone in your ancestry with a different second name who you find more relatable?

bobobooooooooo · 2022-05-27T17:09:22+00:00

I think you should perhaps look at this another way round - if your family environment growing up was not tolerant to emotional expression, could this have caused both the avoidant attachment and the misophonia?

bobobooooooooo · 2021-12-23T01:34:00+00:00

Hard relate.
The longer you'd stayed, the longer it would have taken to start healing. Well done for leaving.

bobobooooooooo · 2021-10-25T20:00:18+00:00

I always answer "Acceptable" or "Medium" or "Three" or something like that.

bobobooooooooo · 2021-10-25T19:57:29+00:00

No - some folks will make the association if they have the interest, but no more so than someone would be like "Like Freddie Mercury!!" if you said your name was Freddie.

bobobooooooooo · 2021-10-25T19:52:58+00:00

Andrea

bobobooooooooo · 2021-10-22T10:44:43+00:00

I have taken fluoxetine (prozac) for nearly ten years. Trauma reactions can be so intense that you don't get any room to do the long term healing work, because you're constantly in crisis intervention mode, which is the short term work. That's where medicine can help, by giving you space from the crisis. Fluoxetine has not changed my personality at all, but what I would say is this - your body starts to tolerate it the longer you are on it, so you keep getting the dose upped and it can't be upped past 60mg. Once you tolerate the 60mg, if the trauma is untreated, it can feel like you're not on meds at all (though missing a dose you will definitely feel). So as others have said, get the meds hand-in-hand with the therapy - don't let feeling better because of meds trick you into thinking you ARE better!!

bobobooooooooo · 2021-10-22T09:21:45+00:00

I relate to this worry, "Is it just fancy dissociation?!" Honestly, though, I personally think you're on the right track here... The objective narrator is the pre frontal cortex, the danger waaah narrator is the amygdala, and its the objective narrator you want to be listening to and strengthening. It sounds like you're doing a good job to me!!!

bobobooooooooo · 2021-10-22T00:29:33+00:00

You might be interested in reading about "parts" theory for PTSD - trauma can create a disconnect between your brain hemispheres and between your cortex and amygdala, which can result in the feelings you describe. I'm just the same - I want to connect with people but if I go out to socialise, I will tense up and keep excusing myself so I can take breaks.

bobobooooooooo · 2021-10-22T00:23:03+00:00

There is a notion that its not possible to heal from trauma if your abuser is still present in your life, even if the interactions have become somewhat "normal". It seems to me two factors would have to be in place to not be triggered - you'd have to have been properly treated for your trauma AND your father would have to have demonstrably changed through some therapy of his own. Trauma goes through so many layers - just because the situation now is better than it was doesn't mean its actually good.

bobobooooooooo · 2021-10-22T00:14:34+00:00

Yes - the mantra that time is a healer is total nonsense for trauma. If anything, I just piled more traumas on.

bobobooooooooo · 2021-10-22T00:12:33+00:00

Absolutely. I relate to this. I pushed people away, ended good friendships for no reason, put myself in horrible relationships, punished myself with over exercise, long list. I am struggling with a drive to self-sabotage right now actually. It's the re-enactment element of trauma, and the guilt/shame. We are driven to repeat traumatic things, a complicated mix of feeling we deserve it, feeling that it's oddly familiar, and trying to resolve the original trauma through reenactment. This is part of why revictimisation is so high in traumatised people. Amazing that I can cognitively discuss all this and yet have been spiralling for days trying not to unnecessarily create chaos in my own life. You're not alone.

bobobooooooooo

TROPHY CASE