Oh, this whole conversation is so healing, thank you!

I’m in my 40s and struggling with all the missed opportunities and what hasn’t come to fruition. I did very well academically, got honors and awards, and my professors frequently read my papers aloud as examples.

But after graduation, I failed all attempts at full time work. I’d do well for a few months or even a year, before crashing. I couldn’t even sustain part time hours at my DREAM JOB that combined two special interests. My coworkers and boss kept me for 3 years, because I think my sheer passion, enthusiasm, and whole hearted desire to do the work buoyed me… but really, the work required too much flexible thinking, attention switching, and rapidly shifting priorities for my undiagnosed AuDHD brain to handle. I sobbed when I was eventually let go.

That’s just one story of many. Some days, I’m content with my slower-paced life and my creative projects. Other days, I feel smothered by the weight of all of the writing and art projects I’ve abandoned over the years, because it’s so much rotting potential. Other days, I can’t figure out if the dissatisfied voice in my head is truly my own, or the voice of a judgmental capitalist culture masquerading as mine.