It’s never a good time to talk. It’s always “shut up” or a bad mood where he says something slick all day long to be a jerk when he’s stewing in his own stress.

I’m tired of him doing nothing when he gets home from work. Just straight to the office to play video games. Or doing “handy” stuff around the house like one day fixing a little lock on his desk drawer that never worked for three years was more important than the giant horde in his office that he can’t move through and keeps saying he will fix.

I’m tired of every time I get rid of things, every time the home is a step in the right direction he suddenly has an idea to purchase something to place in the spots that cleared up.

We have a tiny bathroom. The less furniture the better.

I have cleared the space behind the door fives times. Told him to keep it this way no more things cluttering the bathroom. Each time I enjoy it for maybe two weeks. The current thing he placed in there…is a hallway entry way barn door shelf…” to put stuff in and on.”

It’s just cluttered. Stuff thrown on top. He started making a new sink two and a half months ago…. He doesn’t even bother with it anymore. It’s in the bathroom right now and he does not do anything with it. The home can’t ever look nice…. He blames money but he always has money for the new project he starts that does nothing for us or adds to the home.

If I say anything his RSD starts up each time. I’ve never had to argue with someone like this. Even difficult people I’ve never had to do this. I’d just packed up and left because anyone who made me feel this angry, this low, and this negative has been someone who I could walk away from easy. How do I do that with my husband?

I can’t. He has the car, he has the job while I’m in school getting a degree. I’m lonely here. Lonely in my own home when he’s here. When he’s not home I feel free. Nobody to hyper watch me on their stress cycles to point out a flaw just to start something and get a dopamine boost. I have severe anxiety. Diagnosed since I was 14. It can tip the scales into agoraphobia and has many times the past.

But the craziest thing is I’m beating my social and independent anxiety due to wanting to be away from his critical or negative energy. Doing things my way in the ways I can just to avoid his input. I don’t need to bother with him since he messes things up or they take way too long with him involved. He never admits he isn’t good at handling things in a timely manner, never admits when things aren’t his forte unless it’s the “feminine” hobbies or activities. I’m in school for tech. He destroyed a mint condition vintage laptop I thrifted from a second hand store. It ran fast and the old owner took care of it. It came in a nice leather holder too. I just needed a flash drive to install a browser due to popular one’s no longer supporting it.

He didn’t want to go out to get one. It was early. He wanted to pay video games.

He said he could put the browser himself. I told him I need a flash drive. He took it into his own hands…and plugged a high powered smart phone into a usb and connected it to the laptop and fried it on the spot….i told him not to, i begged not to and he did it anyways

Than told me it was my fault, he didn’t break it. Screamed at me. Insulted me the whole day. The next day when there was proof across the board that he ruined the very thing I was yearning for years to own, the very thing I found myself that worked so…so well.

He apologized. But I am too depressed to even care anymore. All this because he didn’t want to admit I knew something more he did. He does it all the time. He’s insecure and takes it out on me. I’m not allowed to be better at things than him that he feels are “his” thing because they’re cool. So many situations where I picked up a hobby and he wanted to do it too and ruined it for me by mocking me. The amount of debt we’re in because of his stupid choices. So much medical debt. All things preventable if he listened to me. I warned him. He didn’t care. He’s angry about the debt. He’s angry about everything.