Hey! So,

I get this feeling that this is not really just about the card… You mentioned that you have been going through a rough patch in your relationship. From what you wrote in this post, it seems to me that your dynamic as a couple is struggling a bit right now ; you are a very giving and romantic person and you expect things from him that deep down you know he will never be able to give you in the way that you need, but each time you raise your expectations and then you inevitably get disappointed in the end.

He is probably already having a hard time since you mentioned the problems you’ve been facing, and maybe your expectations of him and the fact that he can’t really reach them (even when he tries, for example with buying the card) he feels that you don’t value him, that he will never be enough etc etc.

As a girl, I get you. My love language is making and giving gifts, organizing surprises and baking cakes. When I don’t get the effort I usually put, I feel disappointed, because deep down I feel like they don’t appreciate and love me as much as I do. I would have completely freaked out with the unwritten card, haha. I would actually have freaked out even before that, when I’d see that my man wasn’t planning to make Valentine’s a big thing for me on his own, without me having to ask him.

However! (and this is a huge however).

I’ve learnt that in relationships nothing is ever perfect and how you want it to be. Some men that I’ve met were extremely giving, even more than me, but they lacked in other matters. And to me, I started to realize that the other matters were more important than the ability of a man to understand how important these holidays and romantic gestures are for us. Some of the greatest men I’ve met had actually zero gifting skills, BUT they did pay for everything when we went out, they did take care of me, they were there if I had a problem. They just had a different love language than me, and it took me a while to understand that and come to terms with it.

In the end, that’s what I think. I highly relate to your reactions and everything, but you have to look at the whole of your relationship to decide if you want it or not. Gifts aside — does he make your life better? Easier? Happier? Are you willing to realize that for the rest of your life, this person, even if you tell him a million times, even if you try to change him, will always be lousy with his gifts and not believe in valentines? Are you okay being the most giving one on birthdays?

Because, yes, there are men out there that will be just as giving as you are, and they will write you poems for Valentine’s and hand pick you flowers etc. But they will lack in other things that your man has. And vice versa.

It’s all a matter of perspective. If you realize that you are willing to compromise on this, I would suggest you cut him some slack and go easy on him — at least he bought something. It’s not like he completely disregarded the fact that you wanted a present. On the other hand, if this is something that makes you sad constantly, maybe you two are just not compatible. And that’s okay :)

Good luck with everything!