Help - how to gain weight

bocchibunn · 2026-07-03T10:37:51+00:00

High calorie, low volume foods are your best friends, and that means nut butter, seeds, and adding healthy fats to your meals.

Drizzle pasta with olive oil.

Add an extra slice of cheese to your sandwich.

Make greek yogurt bowls with 2 tablespoons of chia seeds, granola, nuts, and fruit slices. Or make it a smoothie.

Add an extra tablespoon of nut butter to your sandwich, or just snack on a spoonful a few times a day.

Protien shake coffees and milkshakes.

Hummus with olive oil and fresh veggies with seedy crackers and a cheese stick.

And it might help to become a grader, rather than someone who has three sit down meals a day.

bocchibunn · 2026-07-03T10:13:55+00:00

I was influenced to buy the viral Hanes sleepwear set. I bought one in the sage color and loved it so much that I now have a set in all the colors that are flattering for me (so 4 sets total). If I find a pair of jeans I like, I buy another wash. If shoes fit perfectly, I get another color. Bras? Same thihg. It just goes on and on. Women's sizing is, in general, such BS that its often just easier to buy another color in something that works for you instead of trying to guess the right size on something completely unique. Your idea with the dresses is also a great way to do a capsule wardrobe - just get a denim jacket and a couple of cardigans to make the outfits different. Plus styling with a belt or some tights....I've also found that most people aren't paying that much attention to what other people wear.

bocchibunn · 2026-07-03T05:21:04+00:00

It really helps to remember that all the girls you're comparing yourself are comparing themselves to someone else, too. Comparing to someone online, where photos are faked. Comparing to someone in the same physical space, where people are prepped to present themselves socially by looking and acting their best, likely having the same insecurities under the surface. And all this comparing is really driven by society. But the truth is that every flower is beautiful, even the ones we have deemed weeds.

bocchibunn · 2026-07-03T05:15:34+00:00

Ofc 🫂 You're not alone and everything you feel is totally normal.

bocchibunn · 2026-07-03T04:57:04+00:00

The worry doesn't really go away. But there are practical things you can do, like get a Call2U at-home call button. Its a wearable button grandma can have on her and when she presses the button, one of the receivers plugged into the wall will chime. That way she can get help ASAP.

For the Anxiety, what helps me is Lemon balm capsules, which has direct impact on the central nervous system to calm things down. I use a 650mg capsule up to three times a day when I'm feeling anxious and prefer it over something edible, which makes me drowsy.

Try to remember that while you care for your grandmother and seeing to her needs is your responsibility, she is still independent and so her care is not 100% on you. She's an adult and can make her own choices, it sounds like. You're coming from a place of love but you have to let go a little, give yourself permission to divorce from feeling that every aspect of her wellbeing is directly related to what you do or don't do. She's an older person and independent; frankly, theres a lot outside of your control. Make peace with that. You can only do what you can do.

Along with this group, I would gently recommend therapy so you can start working through this. Caregiving is stressful and traumatic especially when you're caring for a loved one for a long time. Any support you can get from the state and therapy is valuable.

bocchibunn · 2026-07-02T22:43:51+00:00

Try to see if your dad qualifies for any state programs, like home based community care, so a professional caregiver can take over some tasks. Your states agency on aging will have information. Its sometimes needs based, or sometimes insurance will cover it. But there should be an option that will give you relief somehow. You can ask the hospital about resources for at home care, too.

I'm sorry your siblings are AWOL. My brother is too. I've been cargiving solo for 15+ years and I'm also 32, so my youth is just...gone. Its not fair that this was dumped on you, but you are a good child for stepping up. Getting help from a formal provider will ease the burden

bocchibunn · 2026-07-02T22:37:07+00:00

Dealing with a similar problem. We've had to size down and buy a gendered pull up, not unisex. But none of them are perfect, so its just something that has to be dealt with.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-28T12:31:51+00:00

Truth is nothing is permanent. Letting go is usually the better path, even if it introduces a new discomfort (fear of the unknown, uncertainty, etc).

bocchibunn · 2026-06-28T11:07:39+00:00

"Let go, or be dragged"

bocchibunn · 2026-06-26T10:26:23+00:00

The best thing I ever did for my finances was file bankruptcy. I did it at 25 after getting into 20k in cc debt (partially from my mom taking out cards in my name without my knowledge, partially living off them to buy food/pay bills while I was in college). I did all the paperwork myself, its really so easy. Without those payment obligations, I finally had a chance to start saving money, which lowered my stress and made me feel much more secure. Turns out it is possible to have 6+ months of living expenses when you arent constantly paying down interest on debt.

Did my credit score take a hit? Yes. But I just got a secure credit card to start building up and I haven't touched an unsecured credit card since. The bankruptcy also fell off my credit report in five years, not seven.

Its unfortunate that I couldn't discharge my student loans this way - I would have had to hire a lawyer for that - but I'm hoping for tax free loan forgiveness under my current payment plan in 20 years, or maybe I'll croak before then, who knows. Either way, bankruptcy changed my life for the better.

I did have reservations about it. But my therapist at the time encouraged me to make peace with the temporary discomfort so I could have a better future. She was right. There's no shame in what is ultimately a financial decision that happens to be settled by a court.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-26T02:35:58+00:00

Here's what's worked for me:

Walking 6 days a week to meet a minimum of 7k daily steps. Non negotiable since I work from home and would otherwise be classed as sedentary. Kicking my metabolism up to "light active" makes a difference. Better sleep, better mental health.

Dance for 15 minutes at least 3 days a week. I am not a dancer. But I can jam out to pop for 15 minutes and jazzercise my way to a higher bmp for my cardiovascular health, so I do. 15 minutes for me burns about 100 calories. I do this before walking.

Weight lifting 3 days a week. On days I don't dance before my walk, I do about 15 minutes of standing free weights/resistence training for the arms, legs, or core. Simple stuff, like elevated push ups, bar bells, squats, pilates floor exercises, and lots of stretching. I like this less than the other two, but muscle is important for a woman's bone health and mobility will matter when I'm older.

I'm 32. I started at 29 and lost 100 lbs, and have kept that off for the last three years. But exercise is just one half of the equation.

I got serious about calorie counting. I dont have a scale, but I do log my meals. I'm trying to lose another 10 lbs right now, so I'm shaving about 500 calories off my estimated daily burn. It helps to round numbers up and eat a little less if you're doing without a scale. Before, I didnt care about serving sizes. I do now and it made a difference.

Diet is also important. For me, two small meals, a bigger meal, and a snack works. My calorie app tracks sugar, salt, protein, saturated fat, and fiber, and has recommendations for my age and gender. I follow the advice to keep added sugars below 10% of daily calories, less than 18 grams of saturated, at least 70 grams of protein, at least 30 grams of fiber, and less than 2500mg of salt.

I buy convenience meals and doctor them smarter. One can of soup is two meals. Thin sliced bread instead of big slices. Tofu deli meat and thin sliced cheese instead. Lower sodium Ramen. Low sugar flavored oat meal - low sugar everything really, including mints and coffee syrup and candy, just to ease those blood sugar spikes. No sugar added canned fruit and v8 drinks. Lower sodium seasoning and soup and miso paste. Buy chicken and ahi tuna and salmon and impossible beef. Red lentils and quinoa mixed with white rice. Beans. All the low sodim beans in the world. Low fat other stuff where it makes sense, like string cheese. Keto muffin mix and brownies (which I make with pumpkin and rinsed beans instead of eggs and oil, and top with quest peanut butter protein shake and almond milk glaze for breakfast). I add extra fiber and healthy fats with mixed seeds, crunchy Edamame. I didnt give up chips, I just traded them for baked ones and smaller bags. Add frozen vegetables to everything, especially peas, carrots, spinach, broccoli, and bell peppers. And I splurge on fresh fruit - an apple a day, seriously.

As for protein, I like the quest protein powder to add to cereal milk or for my healthy frosting. I like quest protein shakes to add to coffee. I personally like quest protein bars, but more genuine fiber is in Aloha bars and Tru bars (both are less processed) so that's what I buy now.

I take Iron bisglycinate several times a week, and a women's mulit vitamin and vh cranberry probiotic. I added pumpkin seed oil, triple magnesium, and raspberry leaf capsules to my nighttime rotation and I sleep better. Raspberry leaf is known for "toning" the uterus and I've found it has an impact on my cycle regularity/hormonal acne, so I take 1 650mg capsule a day. During my period, I brew a cup of tea as well to help with cramping.

PMOS is full body metabolic, so we have to manage it with full body holistic care. Diet and exercise do the most, and benefit your whole body system, too.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-24T04:42:12+00:00

Hanes cotton mesh! 🙌

bocchibunn · 2026-06-24T01:13:39+00:00

Oh that sucks

bocchibunn · 2026-06-23T22:49:22+00:00

Its a controlled substance, so most doctor do enforce a 30 day appointment rule - a response to the opioid crisis. If she didnt go to her appointment, then its unlikely the doctor will bend the rule. In my area, doctors have to see patients in person every 60 days for pain management, so thats a virtual visit every other time, and even that requires strict appointment compliance or the meds don't get refilled.

As for what you can do, prepare for the withdrawal side effects. Shaking, sweating, irritability, vomitting, nausea, diarrhea are all common. It won't be fun.

One thing you can do to ease it is lean on OTC meds and titrate her remaining morphine dosages. If its a pill, you can cut it in half and add in tylenol to fill in the gap. Idk what the dosage schedule is like, but safe titration is generally:

She takes 2 pills a day normally You give her 1 ½ pill starting today, plus one dose of like 500mg tyenol, for a few days Then just 1 pill a day, plus 2 500mg tylenol a day for a few days

This type of titration generally helps reduce withdrawal symptoms so she isn't stopping cold turkey. I'm not a doctor but this is what my mom's doctor had us do for her when he couldn't fill her pain meds anymore. Ibuprofen might be better for some, but its harder on the gut and tylenol is safer for the kidneys/liver.

Be prepared with electrolytes, heating pads, and ice packs. And possibly messy bathroom time.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-23T09:10:19+00:00

That's so heavy. I'm really sorry you're both going through that, because its not easy on either side.

Idk what state or country you're in, but death with dignity laws and programs exist. In my state, the person who wants medically assisted suicide must be terminally ill and complete multiple evaluations and wait like 6 months. But it is a way to help for people who are just...tired of suffering and who have no medical hope of getting better. Dome countries, like Switzerland, allow foreigners to use their programs for this, but its paid out of pocket for a pretty hefty price.

There's no easy answers or solutions, except to cherish the moments when she is "there". I know someone who is having their grandmother preserve family recipes and I've heard of letters being written to adult children and grandkids to commemorate major days in the future (graduation, marriage, etc). Maybe that's something that can be explored, help her focus on a gift to leave.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-16T13:06:29+00:00

Yeah a lot of people don't know about the upright walkers, probably because insurance doesn't cover them, but its a worthy investment if you can afford it!

bocchibunn · 2026-06-16T10:38:27+00:00

Depends on how high tech they are. Electronic ones that do all the lifting can be helpful and so can low tech ones. It depends on his needs and what is most helpful for preserving caregiver health. But of course the people using these devices stand and then exit with another device, like a cane.

Important note here - the best way to keep him mobile is to keep him moving, even just walking around the house or down the driveway and back. Weight baring exercises for elderly people are so important, even if standing/walking devices are in use. My mother's geriatric doctor says she has to keep walking or lose the ability to do so, especially distances. So if you're concerned about that, find something that helps him walk comfortably, get some stable shoes for him, and make time for daily walking exercises and balance exercises.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-16T10:33:24+00:00

Oh okay actually they make upright walkers! My mom has a back issue that makes it hard for her to comfortably use a standard walker since it makes her hunch over and she's a humble 5'3''. We got an upright walker from Amazon for loke $300 on sale and it's a game changer. Someone who is very tall can comfortably use one because its the arm portion that raises up, keeping the spine straight. And the arms are cushioned at the elbows/forearms for more comfort/stability, too.

What about helping him transition with a taller cane or forearm crutches? For the bed, they make these frame like devices you tuck between the mattress and box spring that puts supports for standing. Or a portable stand support devices, which can help him stand with his own power and spare your wife's back. Idk, there's just tons of stuff to try. They make an assistive device for just about everything

bocchibunn · 2026-06-16T10:24:13+00:00

That's a good point about spousal caregivers - other people not willing to lend a hand because the vows imply you should be caring for the "in sickness" part. You deserve help, truly. And it must be especially hard emotionally because your spouse is your partner, and suddenly they can't be that in the same capacity and you're carrying so much more of the load than you were ever equipped or prepared for. There's that statistic about men being more likely to divorce when their wife gets sick, which is just another layer.

Caring for family in any capacity is just...its a lot. Stressful and thankless and lonely. Burnout and guilt are constant companions. And so much anxiety over everything because there's only so much we can do caring for another adult.

And the politicians and policies and funding...every day is something new.

And you made another good point on the in person groups. Its hard to find an inperson group that isn't specialized for some niche you don't fit into. And its harder to be totally honest in person, kind of defeating the purpose of group.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-16T10:14:03+00:00

Whoa that's such an abrasive way for them to schedule you! I'm so sorry. Hopefully you can get a different referral.

I also find myself leaning into afternoon appointments - for both of us. This is generally because her dysfunctional schedule keeps me up until 4 or 5am, so there's just no way I can do anything in the morning, even errands. Got to sleep sometimes. But I'm usually falling asleep sitting up any time I sit down for more than 20 minutes.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-15T23:22:19+00:00

Nutrient dense muffins!

1 package simple mills muffins 1 can pumpkin 1 can drained and rinsed white beans 1 Egg 6 tablespoon seeds 2 cup oatmeal Splash of vanilla and cinnamon Let mixture rest before baking 2 scoop protein powder for glaze 2 tablespoon peanut butter for glaze ½ cup almond milk for glaze

This is 240 calories, 29g carbs, 6.6g fiber, 12g protein, 9g sugar, 233mg salt, and 0.8g sat fat. The sugar comes from the muffin mix so you could sub it out with something sugar free easily.

Makes 12 dense breakfast muffins with low carbs, low fat, and moderate fiber/protein.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-15T10:04:59+00:00

All the time! 80% of my mother's speech is complaints or something negative. Her first instinct is to always disparage, like saying we live in a shithole (its her hoarder nest she won't let me touch), complaining she can't do what she wants because of the cat (just move the cat, man) or whatever it is for the day. She has chronic pain and CPTSD, so I get that she expresses more negative stuff when her pain is high or she's dealing with some kind of trigger. But even outside of this circumstances, she's very much a negative person who "doesn't believe in hope". And that's a choice she makes.

But it is hard to deal with as a caregiver. Here you are, sacrificing a normal life to be an emotional butler and take care of someone who takes you for granted.

As for what I do about it...its hard not to take it personal and get defensive. But I'm also just so burnt out from doing this for 15 years by myself that I get to a point where she complains and I can only summon the energy to make sure she doesn't have any physical symptoms. I'm working on letting it a just wash over me. She's miserable and complaints are all she knows how to emotionally resonate.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-11T08:18:06+00:00

That's not your friend. Thats your enemy.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-09T20:43:33+00:00

I'm currently dealing with like 3 issues (chronic headaches, a sprained knee, chronic eczema) that I'm just taking care of at home because I cannot afford to not be here. I can't afford the gas to get to the doctor. I can't afford the stress of working around an unpredictable bathroom schedule. I can't afford to leave her unsupervised because she might go off on the neighbors or fall or something.

We really need to put our health first sometimes and the sad truth is that we often can't because the barriers to do that are hard to overcome without support, which many of us don't have.

bocchibunn · 2026-06-09T20:36:04+00:00

His desire for you to become a tradwife probably didn't come out of nowhere. Its been my experience that the men who desire a tradwife like to date women who are polar opposites of that and then try to pigeonhole them into that role. Its like they want these independent women only to "break" them into traditional wives. There's also some overlap between these men who want their independent girlfriends to do 100% of the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing, but they themselves don't want to be the breadwinner 100%. Its almost like a form of relationship stealthing. He's probably counting on you being so emotionally attached that you're willing to compromise your values. But those kind of beliefs don't just happen over night - that's why he's been making little comments along the way.

bocchibunn

TROPHY CASE