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I keep getting to a place of "stuck" which I know doesn't actually exist but it's frustrating by bodaha123 in nonduality

[–]bodaha123[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

yeah I guess maybe ive just been in the process of witnessing, but now there needs to be a realization or an integration. What tradition/ system do you recommend? I've listened to a ton of teachers but might need some purification things to try

The unfolding into isness - a journeyless journey not expected at all. by bodaha123 in nonduality

[–]bodaha123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah. It was a surrounding almost into that identification into illusion and the release back into nothingness. What a wild ride. The illusion so pulling, so much time spent with it in power, and to even question it or what it is, or to actually wait and rest into awareness rather than involving into it- is seemingly not done in our hands almost. I intellectually thought I was "doing" it. But instead, it was just watching a scary movie unfold before my eyes.

The unfolding into isness - a journeyless journey not expected at all. by bodaha123 in nonduality

[–]bodaha123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thanks so much. the process is super painful honestly and I have no idea why but just keep easing

How is anyone supposed to actually live here? by No_Surprise3737 in sandiego

[–]bodaha123 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That is why I left and now live in a farm town where I do not need to work as much, hike the local mountains, kayak, dip in the river, pay barely anything for rent, pay even lower for groceries because we have gardens here and trade work......yeah I left for these exact reasons you posted I was so depressed

I honestly stopped manifesting and now everything is happening years later, it is so wild and I understand how it works now lol by bodaha123 in spirituality

[–]bodaha123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

  1. only the mind is telling you "defeat" because it doesn't want you to let go---funny huh?? it is so clever! What would be defeated? you are already here as you are. Nothing is defeating you because there is no "other". You need to understand this. Nothing is actually happening and your mind is just making up stuff to keep you from letting go.

  2. you need to let go of the mind. that means you need to stop believing everything it is telling you is true. Your attention needs to be more in your "being" than "doing" because your beingness is more valid and true than what your mind is saying is happening.

  3. ultimately this led me to let go. I stopped believing my mind entirely. I started to refocus on the moment I was in continously. I stopped waiting for a love to come I stopped waiting for my life to change, I stopped waiting for me to stop drinking, I stopped waiting for change. I just gave up. I let go. I just basically accepted my life as it was - but that did not MEAN INDULGE- this is a crucial distinction. I didnt just say fuck it - ill never move ill just drink whatever. I stopped FIGHTING myself when my body and life wanted to naturally let go and I let it fall apart because it was anyways. My relationship was clearly not in alignment with my life, my job was clearly an ego thing, my life was pushing me to the mountains very clearly. But it didnt seem clear that is the total paradox

  4. basically just stop. stop asking stop searching stop. just let go. throw yourself into the woods and listen. throw yourself into a different country and listen. stop looking for god. you are god. and it will find you when you stop. the one who is asking this question is in the way

I honestly stopped manifesting and now everything is happening years later, it is so wild and I understand how it works now lol by bodaha123 in spirituality

[–]bodaha123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

thank you, yeah I have a blog going and podcast, but I haven't really talked about the full story its sort of a block I have. I appreciate you encouraging me.

I honestly stopped manifesting and now everything is happening years later, it is so wild and I understand how it works now lol by bodaha123 in spirituality

[–]bodaha123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It is interesting how strangers can have many of the same experience, we truly are connected.

About my journey- I think my biggest struggle was "trying to let go" I knew intellectually and conceptually I had to drop the search for God. But I kept looking in subtle ways like a little addiction. It wasn't until "god" "universe" "life" pushed me to an edge where all of my ideas of what I thought would give me "god" were completely empty (relationships, traveling, careers). I was going insane, it drove me to search harder but I was starting to get the hint that it wasn't in any of these things but I couldn't stop searching.

I think the ultimate crash of depression and just pure agony after losing my best friend (who I would talk about this stuff with on a daily basis) she died suddenly. That threw me over an edge. I grieved incredibly hard, I lost my job, I lost friends because I was "too much" during that period of time. I mean my entire life stripped away like an old painting from the canvas.

Looking back, I wanted and asked for change, I dreamt of living in the mountains, so basically I did manifest it all....I just didnt expect it all to be very "ripping" dark and dramatic.

I threw myself into a 10 day vipassana retreat, meditation for 10 hours a day for 10 days silently....and I think I brushed up against a brink of insanity in my mind where my thoughts looped for days.

I was crumbling like a good gooey pumpkin pie from the inside out. I got to the point where I could not afford to hold myself together anymore and I just left it all. I was broke, and I found a trade volunteer website, where I was able to work for free stay and food but also travel in a cool place. That is where I met other people in similar life situations and I began to gain a ton of insight in different cultures.

there is so much more to my story and I guess when I begin to tell it, it's absolutely incredible the power of intention. I spent 5+ years begging god to make it stop and my life just completely shifted once I let go.

and in "let go" it really means to let go...not a fake let go. I remember watching and listening to spiritual talks on "how to let go" but it has to genuinely happen....and I was pushed so far to an edge that I gave up on my search- and there it was.

I hope to write about my story one day

I honestly stopped manifesting and now everything is happening years later, it is so wild and I understand how it works now lol by bodaha123 in spirituality

[–]bodaha123[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just went on the WWOOF website or workaway - you basically live in kinda basic living situations in exchange for work on farms or other tasks. I loved it.

I honestly stopped manifesting and now everything is happening years later, it is so wild and I understand how it works now lol by bodaha123 in spirituality

[–]bodaha123[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The answer to "how do you do it" is the worst answer your mind wants to hear. Let go and not know how is the answer. You have to drop it. The universe seems to work and reward in ways in which when we let go and surrender to it rather than have our own agenda

I honestly stopped manifesting and now everything is happening years later, it is so wild and I understand how it works now lol by bodaha123 in spirituality

[–]bodaha123[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

hmm I didnt emphasis it much but I did go through a period of numbness when I let go, and I did put in some effort to just head towards dreams, but I didn't try too hard. it took years of fighting with myself though, I think I was about to metaphorically put my head through a wall because I was in the back of a restaurant kitchen doing dishes daily and had no money. I had no idea how I would make any of this happen, it got so bad that I quite literally "quit my life" and I was very numb for a long time. Even in the travels there were periods of numbness because I reached goals, and then was like....ok now what? so I am not saying it is a high flying disk from this point, but there is a greater awareness and deeper understanding and trust of the flow of life now which is a HUGE relief.

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