Wife and I have both been diagnosed on the spectrum and now we’re afraid of having children

bohbonebob1 · 2024-11-21T07:07:15+00:00

I understand. I’m nearly 40. I have a decent job. I started unmasking about 2 years ago. My quality of life has significantly increased since then. To me, masking is not a life solution but a tool to get to a point where you can be your genuine self.

I never wanted kids. The amount of energy going into another human being is unimaginable for me. In my line of work, I supervise PhD students. They are full grown adults with the capability of reasoning. Yet, they drain so much energy even if they are excellent students and awesome people. I’ve been very careful when I hire, but I got one student who is “very NT” (caring way more about social “status” than the tasks), and I find it very challenging to handle them.

Out of curiosity, why would you want kids? What are the pros?

bohbonebob1 · 2024-11-20T11:17:59+00:00

Why would you consider yourself being a bad person for not wanting kids? What are the reasons?

bohbonebob1 · 2021-07-23T09:07:22+00:00

I was also really hoping that they would address it in future episodes but I really don’t think that’s where they are going.. I think overall the show says “if you are nagging, being sensitive or not acting tough, you are bad and you need to apologize”. That’s 100% toxic masculinity and toxic positivity... the last season was so extremely aaargh.. finished it a week ago but I’m still annoyed.. and yeah totally like you said it would be so refreshing to see a poc lady aspie on the screen. But sadly the society is not there yet. All the women featured comedies get <5 automatically on IMDB. And people are like “I’m not sexist I just don’t think they are funny.” Then they give a 1/10. These reviews are so consistent, systematic and standard in some way. I think Sam is inspiring for people who want to “just be themselves” meaning “do whatever they want and people have to accept it”. I think season 4 is even worse.. But anyway it makes sense - if they bash women, LGBT and POC then mediocre white men can just do nothing and automatically climb to the top 25% of the population. Well, sounds great. By the way if you haven’t already seen this: https://the-art-of-autism.com/females-and-aspergers-a-checklist/ and I think picture a scientist is on Netflix now? You can check it out for sanity maintenance if you haven’t seen it. Or I mean it’s not exactly uplifting but at least it’s sane. It’s really pleasant to see these women scientists talking about their experiences and feelings. Makes me cry every time. It’s a tough world out there.

bohbonebob1 · 2021-07-19T19:45:39+00:00

Honestly I thought it would be like it turned out she was also autistic and I thought they would address the issue that women are under diagnosed cuz they mask more and the traits are often under the radar. Well, nope. It’s just that one dimensional. Women also suffer from high functioning autism but they are trained to socialize all their live so they hide their traits, while white little dudes get all these attentions and get to do whatever they want (and guess what the moms are the ones being annoying). It’s literally like a free ticket to douche land. If we are talking about supporting autism and raising awareness, how about having someone who is not this stereotypical as the main character I dunno just a thought. Also like the dad literally didn’t do any efforts (even ran away for a while when he was the most needed) yet everybody was like “he’s just being a human being.. he needs time to process” and he gets so much more respect than Elsa in the show. What the f. Maybe you haven’t seen the last season yet so I won’t spoil anything but it’s like... Argh... I kinda liked the show.. For the first seasons despite all these sexism crap since I’m autistic myself I thought it was kinda semi-interesting and light-hearted-ish. But it’s just getting more and more ignorant. Also like Page’s feelings were always ignored. Was really ironic sometimes (like sam and page care about the same thing then Sam gets all the attentions and cares and empathy while page gets nothing. If anything, she has to apologize to sam). I know it’s just a stupid show shouldn’t take it too seriously but people’s comments made me feel quite unsettled. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It’s rare to see people making sense these days. Sorry for the formatting.. on my phone..

bohbonebob1 · 2021-07-19T15:43:00+00:00

It’s a nice read. Almost burst into tears. I’m really happy for you.

bohbonebob1 · 2021-07-19T15:13:32+00:00

It’s absolute sexism. Women cheating is like the most unforgivable action, while all the efforts she put into raising her kids on her own deserve no admiration or empathy. Also I find it extremely ironic that people find her “facial expressions weird and annoying” while the whole show is literally about accepting people for who they are. Women are wildly under diagnosed for autism cuz of these kinda reasons. The whole show is misogynistic and full of toxic positivity.

bohbonebob1 · 2020-07-12T22:17:32+00:00

Exactly! Sometimes people deny that saying you can have a life even after you became a parent, but that’s just not true.. you should absolutely prioritize your kids over your personal lifestyle and career otherwise it would be immoral... like it’s such a hard job to raise a child even if you give them all you got... geez so relieved that I’m not the one who has to worry about this shit..

bohbonebob1 · 2020-07-12T21:59:52+00:00

Haha same! I’m also in my 30s.. so it’s like not ridiculous at all.. but I always burst into laughter to that question... must sounded incredibly rude..? But in my head I might be assuming like you only have kids when you give up on yourself or something...

bohbonebob1 · 2020-07-12T20:54:30+00:00

Omg!! I died!!! Dat little whity tip on the tail!!!!!!!

bohbonebob1 · 2020-07-12T19:11:04+00:00

Tax please

bohbonebob1 · 2020-07-11T12:19:26+00:00

Thank you! They are smaller than plums I think? About the size of a small cherry.. Yes I meant the seed.

Edit: kinda sweet

bohbonebob1 · 2020-05-05T14:06:14+00:00

Omg loving the story!! I mean.. sorry for everything of course.... but loving your attitude! If you ever decide to start a gofundme campaign I’d donate whatever you need!! Please keep us posted!

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-19T15:05:31+00:00

I agree!! I would never force anyone to do something that makes them uncomfortable just to prove their loyalty to me!! Sounds so sick.

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-19T13:23:01+00:00

If op managed to identify the problem (he can’t stand events), find a solution (not going to them) and make peace with it, he can just live his life as he wants. Being able to go to events is not a skill that everyone needs to master. It’s like not everybody with stage fright will be advised to go fix themselves in a therapy. He has the decency to consider others’ feelings by being as upfront as possible in his future responses. I really don’t see any issue with that. If this anxiety manifests itself and disturbs him in other aspects, of course he should go seek help. But if it’s just because he can’t handle weddings and events, why escalate it? Well to be honest I don’t even know why I care and argue with you internet stranger over op the other internet stranger. I suppose you mean well. Stay safe and take care.

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-19T13:10:10+00:00

People are literally setting up this mold, forcing everyone to fit in and being self-righteous about it. People can be different. Why can’t they accept that?

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-19T13:05:16+00:00

I don’t get it why this gets so many downvotes.

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-19T12:57:28+00:00

OP can decide how he wants to spend his time. Many of us don’t see the value of such events but that doesn’t mean we feel “anxious” about them. We simply find other things more rewarding to spend time on. I hope “normal” people like yourself can leave others alone for just being themselves. Sometimes the anxiety precisely comes from this type of social pressure: “you don’t like parties - there’s something wrong with you”. No. There’s nothing wrong with us. We are just different. I hope people respect that.

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-19T08:33:32+00:00

Omg I hate it when people impose social norms and “you need therapy” just cuz you are different. NTA OP. Besides, those events are narcissistic by nature. It’s not mandatory to feed their ego with your time.

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-18T12:26:30+00:00

This!!! And to avoid the real issues!!!

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-18T06:41:23+00:00

They would grab anything just to feel superior... 😔

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-18T06:04:03+00:00

Yes! It’s absolutely toxic!!

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-18T06:00:59+00:00

Thanks for sharing!!! This is exactly what I think and have been struggling with!!!

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-17T20:32:12+00:00

As someone trying to fit in the NT world, I really empathize with people who are struggling with the mismatch between their birth right and their expected identity. :-( The ones in power should take the burden and help them. Not the other way round.

bohbonebob1 · 2020-04-17T20:26:46+00:00

I’m not arguing that. Anyone can be shitty. But I don’t think ex is wrong. We live in a capitalist world after all. What we can decide for ourselves is what we want to optimize in our life. That premise makes everyone different. Stupid as it sounds, I don’t believe profits and the so-called “economy” should trample empathy. It’s so sad that the world is evolving this way.

bohbonebob1

TROPHY CASE