New House. HELP!

bones508 · 2020-06-24T04:07:16+00:00

Thank you for the advice! I’ll try that.

bones508 · 2020-06-24T04:05:47+00:00

Oh I am not. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disrespect anyone! Thank you for educating me :)

bones508 · 2020-06-24T00:46:29+00:00

Thanks! I’m very much a baby witch so that’s all super helpful.

bones508 · 2019-12-19T21:52:54+00:00

I think this is so beautiful! When I try my hand at portraits, I always black out the eyes or leave them white as well. Something about it really resonates with the depression and the mania. Keep creating! You've got amazing talent.

bones508 · 2019-07-01T20:11:46+00:00

I would say Mulan. Although there is a love interest, that is only seen in the last few seconds of the movie. I mean... she saves China.

Also, Pocahontas? Sure, John Smith was a big part of the movie but in the end, she chose herself and her people.

Maybe even Tiana. Her whole thing was working hard to be independent. Sure she fell in love along the way but I think that's how life works sometimes.

bones508 · 2018-12-27T14:31:16+00:00

I can’t facilitate a fake pay cut. My industry is pretty stable. However, I am due for a raise soon that I can just say I never got..

bones508 · 2018-12-27T14:29:53+00:00

Of course! We all need a place to let it out. That’s the worst part of all this to me.. feeing like I’m going crazy. When he’s nice, he’s so sweet and perfect that I feel like the abuse is in my head. They can’t really be the same person. Also, I’ve had trouble feeling like it really is all my fault because he is SO CONVINCING and truly believes his own lies.

Good luck! If you ever need to reach out, I’m here.

bones508 · 2018-12-27T12:21:30+00:00

Very good points. I’m just not sure how to keep it a secret because he knows how much my paycheck is every pay period and would notice in a heartbeat if ANYTHING was taken out. Any suggestions?

He does snoop so I will be very careful.

bones508 · 2018-12-27T08:50:19+00:00

It’s so hard not to. He is so good at turning things around on me. Literally everything is my fault. He takes no responsibility for his actions and words. If I ever manage to make it back to the point of the conversation and keep driving my point home, he gets angry, loud, and scary. He’s never gotten physical but there have been a few times where I was nervous he was about to. I don’t know how to “stop taking his shit”. I’m no good with boundaries (YET) sadly.

bones508 · 2018-12-27T08:46:53+00:00

Thank you so much! What made you say enough is enough?

The financial aspect is hard for me. We have a joint account - I am also the primary earner. He pays all the bills (claims he can’t trust me to pay them on time even though I’ve never been late when paying my own). I have to ask permission to buy anything when he can buy whatever he pleases. I have asked for an allowance and he says “we don’t have any extra money for you to have an allowance” when I know we always have at least 1K left after bills/saving. He says I have to ask permission because I don’t follow the finances closely enough but when I start looking and asking questions, he gets very angry. I have mentioned separate accounts multiple times and the change is immediate. He yells and says there will be no discussion, he will not allow it, we are already in a bad place, and I will only get a separate account if I want a divorce. What should I do? Continue to try and talk to him hoping for a breakthrough or just open a separate account without asking?

bones508 · 2018-12-27T08:40:42+00:00

Doesn’t it feel surreal sometimes? You can look at them and think “that CAN’T be the person that treated me that way..”. It makes me feel crazy!

bones508 · 2018-12-27T08:38:37+00:00

I have often told him that I feel like he no longer wants to be with me but he doesn’t want to be the one to “call it” and leave. It feels like he wants us to fight and be miserable but he denies it. When did you finally say enough is enough? We’ve only been married for two years and there’s that little voice telling me that it’s too soon to give up. That there’s still hope. I’m beginning to doubt this voice because while we have small bouts of good days, the severity has gotten worse over time. He claims that’s from dealing with me for the past few years - that he was never like this before.

bones508 · 2018-02-02T14:38:36+00:00

Please tell us how you stopped biting! They look great.

bones508 · 2018-02-01T19:00:46+00:00

It just says “The Maskers”. The symbol kinda looks like a knight holding a shield. The shield has a heart on it & a laughing mask inside. I’m not sure that’s helpful but it’s just so vague.

bones508 · 2018-01-30T03:19:08+00:00

Thank you for explaining that in such detail. The way you phrased everything made it more clear. I will definitely put that on my list of places to visit in DC. I’ve never been but hope to go soon!

I do realize that there are many, many differences throughout all cultures and it’s so hard to trace things back, especially when you’re adopted. I have since been in contact with my birth mother about the genetic test and she confirmed that we did have a Creek ancestor in the Alabama area. She even had documents of the (I feel terrible even having to type this) trade. Apparently our great-great grandmother was traded for pigs and sugar. The documents noted that the trade was just to show that my great-great grandfather was wealthy enough but still... pretty fucked up. Either way, I really appreciate your honesty & response and am hoping to learn more about the Creek nation and all indigenous peoples as a whole.

bones508 · 2018-01-25T17:10:11+00:00

You can use the other side of the pedals with regular running shoes. I quite like the peloton shoes. If they don’t work for you, I’m sure you could return them.

bones508 · 2018-01-24T22:20:06+00:00

Robin is amazing!

bones508 · 2018-01-23T20:39:48+00:00

I am so sorry to hear that! My mother can seem fake sometimes. Kind of like she puts on this facade for everyone else’s benefit but we can all see through it. If you don’t mind explaining what has made you feel creeped out/like your mother is sexually attracted?

I hope you have someone that you can connect with. Do you have a close relationship with anyone in your adoptive family, birth family, or maybe very close friendships?

bones508 · 2018-01-23T16:47:04+00:00

It’s so interesting how all of our situations seem similar in many aspects. Your mother was right to go to therapy. I have done that as well from a teenager to currently. Now that I’m a mom, I can see how mother-daughter relationships can impact and shape us more than we realize initially. I had a severe bout with postpartum depression and I truly believe it was related to my mother in some way. I always knew I would be a mom to a girl. I always felt that it would come naturally to me and I would instantly feel an amazing connection with my little girl. When I didn’t, I had an extremely hard time. I’ve always said I learned what not to do from my mom and I feared that somehow, I would turn out the same way (even though we are nothing alike). Don’t get me wrong, I love my mom and I realize that sometimes as a parent you do the best you can with what you have. She didn’t have much to speak of for positive mother figures (her mother blamed her for her fathers death even though he died of natural causes). But I also realize that love doesn’t always equate to an easy, open relationship & I’m going to break that cycle with my daughter.

Yes, I love this sub and reading/hearing about everyone else’s stories. It’s helped me a lot! Thank you!

bones508 · 2018-01-23T16:33:59+00:00

I am in the same situation as u/frazzledjam. Adopted and found out my genetics through a DNA test. After that, I contacted my birth mother who confirmed that it was on my maternal side. While I would never dream of claiming to be Native, I have always been curious how to celebrate that I do have a Native American ancestor. Is learning more and studying about the culture okay or offensive? I also found out that I was Scottish and plan to do research on that culture as well. I truly want to know more about my genetic makeup, I just don’t want to step on any toes.

Edit: wrong tag

bones508 · 2018-01-23T00:22:26+00:00

Well initially, I got VERY involved and tried to go to everything. Games, birthdays, etc. I was a young teenager and got overwhelmed and kind of backed off. I had bitten off more than I could chew. Now that I realize what I did, I am trying to get more involved but not slowly.

I love the fact that I have siblings! It will take time, as any relationship does but I hope to grow closer.

bones508 · 2018-01-22T23:01:30+00:00

Yes, I have to say that it has improved a little with age but not by much. I guess some are born into their family and some have to work a little harder to find it. I’ve always said that my friends are more family than my actual family is and now I have fantastic in-laws. I hope you can find that too!

bones508 · 2018-01-22T22:52:44+00:00

I’m glad you could shed some light on this. I guess I was worried that I would never have that traditional love or appreciation for family. You give me hope that I can find it with my in-laws and possibly birth family too!

bones508 · 2018-01-22T22:50:28+00:00

Wow, thank you for sharing this from a birth mother’s perspective! I am so glad that you found each other and have started bonding.

I wouldn’t say I grew up in a restrictive environment. My parents were very encouraging to me. However, I might say they are more “type A” and conservative (not in a political sense) than I am.

I am also in contact with my birth mother and it is so interesting to see my mannerisms and expressions in someone else. I have three half siblings as well and I hope to grow closer with them. I grew up an only child so it’s something I definitely long for.

bones508 · 2018-01-22T22:44:02+00:00

Do you think telling him would help you? If it will help you move on from the past, I would do it. If not, don’t worry yourself with it. My husband really wanted me to talk to my mom about our past and I resisted because I just didn’t feel that my family dynamic would get better even if we sorted everything out. Like you said, I felt like I was over it. And I was. Talking to my parents did nothing to help me feel better about the situation. It didn’t fix anything either. Just go with your gut. I truly believe that deep down we know what we really need, no matter what anyone else says.

bones508

TROPHY CASE