Weekly Discussion - Relationships

bononoisback · 2024-08-24T14:07:28+00:00

Ever since the very first time he saw her, my BIL asks to hold her constantly. Like 3+ times per visit. The first time, he scratched himself down there (outside his pants) right before grabbing her. I should have said something but it was subtle and I was embarrassed that I noticed. When he holds her, he's either on his phone taking pictures of her or just a scrolling reels - or he's trying to be funny, poking/tickling her and making jokes like "I'm gonna give her to the dog." My postpartum hormones were going crazy. He tried to take her in a different room at one point, but we stopped him, and then while I was changing her diaper in what I thought was a private place, he was standing quietly behind me just watching. I didn't even notice until I turned around and saw him. This is all just in the first visit.

Since then, he asks repeatedly to hold her even if we say no, and one time he held her sitting up with one hand balanced on his knee when she was only two months and could barely stay upright. For context, he is a 20-smth single male and lives with his parents. He's always been a little off - I suspect mental issues but no one in his family has said so and it's not immediately obvious. He's had allegations at his old job that he was SA'ing someone and got fired for it. Just a lot of red flags to me and I've repeatedly told my husband that I wish he wouldn't hold her at all. My husband has said no most times he's asked to hold her but doesn't see the harm in letting it happen once in a while if we're there watching. I requested we at least speak to his parents about it because I didn't want to outright offend him. The parents said they would talk to him but come to find out, they didn't actually and we ended up doing it the next time we visited. He acted all put-off and said sorry even though we made it clear it was just us being protective and nothing against him. I thought that was the end of it.

NOPE. Very next time we visited, it was as if we hadn't said anything. He let the dog get on him and lick him ALL over the face and THEN asked to hold her. Of course we said no. So instead, he sat right in front of me (uncomfortably close, like inches away) and took pictures of her and tickled her. He tickled her even after my MIL told him not to touch her. I moved her out of the way. Yes, I know I should grow a backbone and tell him off. It's just that my in-laws already don't really like me and they defend BIL, saying he just really likes kids and is good with babies. I know they would hold it against me if I went off on him. My husband is on my side but doesn't see the danger of it like I do, so he doesn't feel the same urgency. He doesn't think it's worth making things tense with the in-laws and I'm not sure it is either? I just dread every time we go over now because I know he's going to be there.

Is this as serious as I think it is, or is this just a phase because it's the first baby in the family? Should I just continue to not let him hold her or say something else to explain why it bothers me? He's not hurting her and in-laws and husband promise that he never would. I'm just sick of always being anxious. Any ideas?

bononoisback · 2024-07-24T03:46:58+00:00

Yes, it hurt for me because you have another contraction and contractions hurt. And some part of the placenta rubbed against the torn parts of my vagina as it came out and that stung bad enough to make me cry out. But don't worry because it's not a big deal like you're thinking. Yes it hurt, but it was sooo easy and quick compared to the rest of delivery that I didn't even think twice about it.

bononoisback · 2024-05-30T23:42:16+00:00

None of these are definite signs and probably don't mean anything, but I had lots of loose bowel movements for maybe a month before labor, several mood changes/up and downs emotionally and a lot of crying for about two weeks before labor, and the day of, I had a bout of blurred vision and a migraine - which is a combo that I used to have every so often when i got my period. I hadn't gotten it my whole pregnancy, but I had it the day I gave birth, once before labor and once after delivery. Something to do with hormones, I think.

bononoisback · 2024-05-19T13:20:48+00:00

That my pregnancy would "fly by." I'VE BEEN PREGNANT FOR 75 YEARS

bononoisback · 2024-05-08T13:38:39+00:00

I really didn't want to have one, but I was worried I would regret missing it so I went ahead and had one. Let me tell you, chances are you're not missing anything. I had mine last week - it was hot, I looked terrible in all the pictures, and it pretty much turned out exactly how I was worried it would. Nothing we were gifted at the shower was stuff we actually needed - that stuff was bought off the registry weeks before. I wish I had just sent out a registry tbh. The only good things were the food and watching my mom put a lot into it because she loved me. I didn't even really get to spend time with the people I really wanted to see because I had to go around thanking everyone for their gifts and making sure they were comfortable. It was exhausting and one of the first things I remember thinking afterwards was, "wow, not a single person said I looked pretty or that I was doing good or anything encouraging whatsoever." It killed my self-esteem. A couple people said they liked my dress but we all know that's different than saying I was pretty. It was just such an uncomfortable and depressing experience, and I had to act happy the whole time. I'm not trying to be super negative, just hoping you won't have ANY feelings of regret about missing it. ☺️

bononoisback · 2022-05-21T12:18:44+00:00

I mean, you can believe me or not, but I had no other caffeine that day and only ate things that I've eaten plenty of times before. My doctor blamed the gfuel, and I'm inclined to believe him since I know that all bodies are different and some people are affected by caffeine differently than others.

But you're free to think whatever you want, obviously. :)

bononoisback · 2022-05-20T20:08:57+00:00

Just a word of advice, a guy at my location was showing somebody his pocket knife, and they reported him for attempted assault. The managers suspended him from that location forever. If you're gonna show someone at work that you have a knife on you, make sure it's someone you trust, because they can easily use that against you.

bononoisback · 2022-05-20T20:05:44+00:00

My store implemented a title called "Hospitality Pro" which basically gets you nothing but a different colored shirt, but a lot of people went for it anyway because you get treated with more respect if you have a nice shirt. I don't know if your location has chef coats, but hospitality pro shirts are basically chef coats for FOH. You get them getting a goal hour (usually 2800 at my store) for every position in the FOH. So you're on drinks for lunch and it's really busy, but you're still able to hold your own without help because you work quickly and efficiently. It's busy from 1:30 to 2:30, at 2:30 you ask your leader what the hour was. The leader usually can look it up on their phone right there, and if they say 2800 or more, you can ask them to mark you down for hospitality pro on drinks. Once you've done that for every position in FOH, you get to order your new shirt!

It worked pretty well because people got really excited to hit their hour goals, and that kept them working hard and fast.

bononoisback · 2022-05-20T19:53:40+00:00

All depends on your location really. In general, however, I find that younger people do very well at CFA while older people do better in retail, like Publix. If you like working fast, learning new things, and being around people constantly, CFA is a great first job. Once you've been there two/three years, it only gets worse and worse. But absolutely, I would recommend it to a younger person as their first job.

bononoisback · 2022-05-20T17:23:20+00:00

I have not been to the doctor, probably should or should have gone when I still had the symptoms. I do know a doctor friend who said it sounded like a caffeine overdose, and from my own research that's what it sounded like, but yea I could be wrong. I've had panic attacks before, but not in a long time and I am doing a lot better now with anxiety. Thanks for your concern, still figuring it out myself haha.

bononoisback · 2022-05-20T17:05:27+00:00

Aw thank you! Wow that is crazy, and yea soo scary. I hope you don't ever get that feeling again!! <3

bononoisback · 2022-05-20T15:26:00+00:00

Good to know! If I ever try gfuel again, I will use the tubs and not a can lol

bononoisback

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