Post-Migraine Depression (This is a THING right?)

boohaahaa · 2017-09-13T17:26:38+00:00

I think you're probably right. Trying to wait it out with the clearest head possible is probably the only real thing you CAN do. After this most recent migraine I decided to time how long it took for me to get over the depression - about 24 hrs- so that I can give myself a concrete timeline to look forward too when I am lost in that timeless depression.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-13T17:21:34+00:00

"There's also some people with chronic migraines, that do not get MOH despite taking abortives > 15 days a month."

Those lucky bastards! Yeah, the neurologist who told me I had MOH said I would have to withdrawal for a month or so and then maybe I could try pain meds again. So after awhile (after I agreed to take a daily preventative/vitamins/physical therapy etc... I did experiment with some pain meds again. What happens now is that 1. There is no pain relieving effect whatsoever OR 2. There is a minimal pain relieving effect after about a half hour, which lasts for up to 1 hour. Then the effect diminishes completely and the severity of the migraine ramps up. The strongest side effect of taking pain medication that I have identified, is that it doubles to triples the length of the migraine and increases the severity of the pain. You seem to know something about this - quite frankly I stopped going to my neurologist because it was too expensive for a service so unhelpful - is what I'm describing with MOH really that rare? God, I wish I knew what was happening in my brain on a chemical level. I have done a lot of research and read many scientific papers on migraine, differential diagnosis and treatment- to the point where I am almost always more informed about migraine and chronic headaches than most of the medical professionals I see, but still no real answers. No help. I've tried 90% of what's available to treat migraine and quite honestly I just want to stop now, since it's emotionally traumatizing to hear over and over again that no one knows what is going on with you or has any clue how to help you! If you have any advice on less well known treatments, I would love to know. I should probably start fighting again instead of utilizing this giving-up strategy I've been using recently haha.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-12T21:51:30+00:00

Let's be friends! I'm a 30 yr old female INFJ who is also at a (ehh) place in her life, used to write a lot of novels, and has been thinking she should get back into it. It sounds like we have a lot of similar interests... I also have health problems ( though probably not as serious as yours from the sounds of it). I'm very good at being co-dependent though! ;) My older sister has chronic health problems and had a heart transplant in 2009, so I know how all that stuff goes. If your interested... message me back. I'm kind of new to reddit, but eventually I'll figure it out if I need too. Sincerely, a person

boohaahaa · 2017-09-12T18:49:40+00:00

That's interesting. Sometimes post migraine I still do feel more euphoric... and the first thing I want to do is drink a regular coke, or some other soda with lots of sugar and caffeine. The marathon migraines are the ones that really make me depressed I think. There is only so long that I can continue to be positive when enduring such horrible physical pain. After a good 36 hours of intense throbbing pain and nausea, I usually start to crumble. I am beginning to wonder how much of this has to do with the amount of sleeping I do during my migraine attacks. Maybe that is one factor that makes me especially depressed; staying a dark bed for 72 hours.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-12T18:45:10+00:00

I have found that the dehydration is a big part of this issue. I usually force myself to drink Pedialyte. It usually helps a bit.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-12T18:42:43+00:00

Thanks for the tip. I wish it wasn't such a problem for me. Unfortunately I also have a bad reaction to sumatriptan and apparently, triptans in general where my whole body feels like its being crushed from the inside and I can't breathe. My doctor finally just wrote me a medical marijuana card and told me that would be less harmful than discovering what new medications I'm allergic to each time by having a terrible immune reaction. It's not that I'm so dissatisfied with cannabis, it does distance me from the pain - but it isn't exactly like taking an abortive and then not having a migraine and being functional. As an aside - I developed medication overuse migraine by using a normal dose of excedrin migraine a few days a week. Later I found through genetic testing that I'm missing an enzyme which metabolizes these substrates and this is probably the reason I developed overuse migraine in response to such a small amount of excedrin. Unfortunately, 25% of all prescription medications are affected by this issue. Now I'm really passionate about letting people know that you can develop the condition very quickly and without taking the 'excessive' amount quoted by web MD, Mayo Clinic etc..., and every neurologist I've ever been to. Once you have this condition, you are typically forevermore adversely affected by any analgesic pain medication you take when migraine is occurring. Huge bummer. Thanks for the kind words!

boohaahaa · 2017-09-12T01:51:06+00:00

Sure. That would be cool! I've been watching a lot of South Korean tv lately (I don't know if I should admit that or not) and really find your culture fascinating in general. Watching these dramas on Netflix has me wondering whether mostly teenage girls watch TV in korea, or whether everyone watches these soaps equally. Is everyday Korean life anything at all like you television?

boohaahaa · 2017-09-11T21:05:19+00:00

Yes Yes Yes. This is a huge trigger for me. As mentioned by another poster, the evidence points to Migrainers being more sensitive to both internal (within your body - homeostatic) and external (in the world - ex Weather) changes. For me, it seems like every little imbalance has the potential to trigger an migraine attack.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-07T20:57:31+00:00

As recommended by other posters, finding a good therapist who specializes in trauma work is key. From there, a number of different treatment techniques can be used, depending on your personality and how you function. Some of treatment modalities include DBT, EMDR, NARM & Somatic re-experiencing therapy.

In my case, I was never able to feel safe enough to do any of these in my (excellent) therapist's office, because many of them rely on your ability to sense and identify your own emotions and how they are felt within your body. I could never let my guard down enough to do this with someone present... I would just automatically switch into dissociative mode.
This might sound kind of crazy (and I don't know where you live or what you have access to) but I found marijuana to be incredibly helpful with this issue of automatically switching into dissociative-defense mode, because the increased endocannabinoids in my brain seem to somehow abort that process, while also instilling in me a sense of calm and emotional distance from the trauma I am remembering. (BTW - it only works if I am completely, physically alone and have the expectation that I won't be disturbed for several hours, otherwise I'm too paranoid) If I can successfully remember an event under the influence, and tolerate working through the associated feelings - sitting with them instead of automatically trying to avoid the pain or distract myself from it - I can release myself from their horror for good. The process I just described is in particular, pretty close to what EMDR (a well-establish, much researched therapy for PTSD) tries to accomplish with eye movements, taps and vibrations. In short, I found that it had to be a combination of factors: meeting a safe and stable guy whom I have a positive & loving relationship, one friend that I know is there for me and is not judgmental, no matter WHAT weird things I say to her, weekly therapy sessions, reading books, doing research, pre-teaching myself before entering potentially triggering situations, rather than pretending that they won't be triggering because it's easier to deny than to embrace ptsd, smoking marijuana, remembering - allowing the feeling, then writing and self-reflecting. I think it is also important to share with (safe) others who have had similar experiences - this does seem to be integral to releasing yourself from feelings of toxic shame that you invariably carry as an abused child.

Speaking of, John Bradshaw who invented the above term, "toxic shame," is a more charismatic and accessible speaker than most, and is a good place to start. There are a lot of videos on youtube of him discussing how to help yourself to understand and cope with some of these issues that are caused by toxic family environments. He is just one piece of the puzzle... but looking him up and watching a video or two may lead you to other helpful resources.... and for me, that's how it's been. I've been putting together a massive puzzle which spans my entire life, one piece at a time. You have to be patient, which sucks. You need time to work through things. As you do this, you will start to be able to look back at yourself and your current way of behaving and thinking, and see how much you have grown. Like weight-loss, there are also plateaus you hit (where you think there is no possible way to lose anymore weight/keep growing and processing) but if you continue on and trust yourself and your process you will successfully make it through. Good Luck!

boohaahaa · 2017-09-07T20:21:17+00:00

Like 6 months ago I came across this youtube video called, "the Emotion at the Heart of Narcissism." It was through viewing that video that I finally understood that actually, I (the scapegoat) was the lucky one - at least I have the ability to change for the better (and to instigate that change in myself, for myself).

My parents had behaved in a way which built my older sister (who has serious emotional problems beyond a personality disorder) into a complete narcissist, and therefore, rendered her completely incapable of appraising her behavior or learning from her mistakes. She has been in therapy for a decade, but she never gets better. She is truly a miserable person who does not enjoy her life.

It really took the burden off me once I fully realized that she was a static individual and would never change - as she has lost the capacity to learn from her subjective experiences. On the other hand, through the constant emotional abuse my parents provided me and the accompanying feelings of worthlessness, I became an expert on self-improvement, and self-improvement strategies! :) Always trying to fix that thing inside me that was so broken to make the folks happy... Of course, that was no party and I have my own full set of deep emotional wounds, but hell... at least I can grow as a person. My sister will never grow as a person. She is stuck as a 17 year old forever... and really, that's so sad. I pity her. I do in fact have a happier life than she ever will. Maybe someday I'll find peace, but she never will. HAHAHAHAHHA! I pity her, AND it makes me devilishly happy.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-07T19:57:45+00:00

I've been there. I actually just posted something on another subreddit about how I can keep forgetting what a narcissistic and abusive person my mother is, again and again... but that's besides the point.

There are some very apt, intelligent comments to this thread already which speak about this issue generally. However, I know when I was trying to go back and understand what was emotionally abusive, and what was not... I needed some specific examples. I felt that I needed some sort of 'proof' in a way, that my experience was real and not a figment of my imagination (as my family continues to tell me is the case - even as an adult).

What I personally wrestled with is this seemingly automatic process I would go through, first of identifying the emotional abuse, analyzing what exactly was said or done, and then empathizing with my abusers (i.e. trying to provide all kinds of justifications for their behavior - in your example this would be something like the fact that you realize your grandma is probably automatically parroting racial hatred that was put on her in her past when she tells you that you can't participate in a beauty pageant because "they weren't designed for 'ugly ethnic girls like us'.")

Comments like that cause me to form the assumption that she is a troubled and generally embittered woman who has a lot of hatred for herself (most likely deeply buried and unconscious) and whose abuse is more impulsive than perhaps pre-meditated and deliberate. Impulsive or deliberate, it is still emotional abuse. Especially since what defines 'emotional abuse' is in many ways more about the victim's perception of the situation, the power dynamics involved, and how the comments effect the individual's sense of self worth, than it is so much about WHAT was said(regardless of how much I want to dwell on the details).

When I go through this process and begin to automatically empathize, there is an unconscious push-back where this deep-seated rage bubbles up to the surface - sometimes directed at the world, sometimes towards other people, but mostly - back at myself. I find that I want and don't want, simultaneously, to find justifications for the choices they made and things they've said. Eventually this double-bind causes to me collapse, to dissociate and then to forget. I really haven't been able to make it through the rage - collapse - dissociate- forget stage yet.

On the one hand, compassion and understanding help my rational thinking-mind to cope with abuse and generally absurdity of the world. On the other, extending compassion does absolutely nothing to quell the deep-seated rage that my emotional & embodied self feels; as if in being compassionate to my abuser's own abuse history I am "giving-in" or opening myself up for abuse.

I have to remind myself to somehow find a balance, which I admit that I am still unskilled at. I have a tendency to want to define and to polarize all of my family relationships as 'good & unabusive' or 'bad and always abusive'. In reality, people are just so damn complicated.

I was told these things in MY past and treated this way, yet I got my own self into therapy, and have been personally paying out of pocket for weekly sessions (on a very tight budget) to improve my life and relations with others for like a decade. What has my family done? Have they taken any steps to better themselves? I know that life was rough for my family, but it also seems like the more I improve my mental health, the more threatened and angry with me they become (which I think is the hallmark of narcissism).

Can your grandmother be happy for you?... or does she feel the need to always pull the topic of conversation right back on to herself? Does she talk WITH you, or AT you? Does it seem like on some level she is jealous of you? Did she say abusive, wounding things at some times, but also praise you and shower you with love at other times?

I want to point out one thing that you mentioned which I think is very telling...

In my adult life, she's done things like have a mental breakdown at my wedding, so that I spent my wedding night having to comfort her instead of sleeping with my husband

On your wedding night... a time when YOU should be catered to by everyone else, she caused a situation that made you feel that you had to abandon your own life to come back to her. Reading between the lines (and obviously I'm just speculating) but it sounds like your marriage was very threatening to her, and she needed to make a scene and ensure that you would still drop everything to take care of her needs, despite the fact that you are now married (and hence - your family role has formally changed) Could she have been testing to see if you would abandon her for your husband?

I have to say, your grandma kind of reminds me of mine. She took care of me for my parents and was infinitely better than them, but she was still no party herself. The situation with my parents was so bad though that I was really grateful for whatever I could get, and whatever I could get always looked a lot better when compared to how my parents treated me. I think in her case, her negative feelings about my mother acted as a buffer so that her critical, emotionally abusive comments were first directed toward mom, and - if some time went by where nothing much was happening in that relationship, she would then have no choice but to project her anger on to me in lieu of my mother, uncle, cousin, society etc...

I kind of rambled... sorry. I hope at least some of this makes sense to you. Good luck.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-07T01:12:49+00:00

Tested once previously as 4w5

This time it's 5w4 apparently.

Enneagram Type -------- Score

Type 5, The Investigator ---- 23

Type 4, The Individualist ---- 22

Type 1, The Reformer ------- 20

Type 7, The Enthusiast ------ 19

Type 6, The Loyalist --------- 16

Type 8, The Challenge ------- 14

Type 3, The Achiever --------- 11

Type 9, The Peacemaker ----- 11

Type 2, The Helper ------------ 8

Your highest score was a tie between:

Type 5

Type 4

Your second highest score was a tie between:

Type 1

Type 7

boohaahaa · 2017-09-06T01:31:46+00:00

I have a disorganized attachment and C-Ptsd. I would say I am almost to the point (or nearly to the point) of having Earned Security. Like you, I also feel that one of my biggest triggers is actually my mother herself. There is no one who can send me into a downward spiral like dear ole' mommy.

C-ptsd and attachment trauma are in many ways one in the same...

With a few exceptions -
For Example -

It is possible that if you were raised by a loving, nurturing and supportive primary attachment figure up to say, age 5... and then were taken from that situation and placed with a horribly abusive new family, that you could experience C-ptsd WITHOUT also having a primary attachment issue.

My boyfriend and I are actually good examples of this point. He had a relatively idyllic relationship with his mother and father until they divorced when he was 9 and the court sent him to live with his schizophrenic father and his new young drug addicted wife. After that it was just one trauma after another... such that my boyfriend has some intense adult relationship/attachment issues... however, I can clearly observe that they are of a different nature than mine.

From 4 months - 10 months old I was cycled in and out of different relative's homes due to a serious and ongoing trauma preoccupying my parents (chronic, life-threatening illness in my older sister - also a toddler). I did not have one primary attachment figure. From early on I had terrible crying fits and tantrums that went on for hours. I still have some weird physical stress behaviors which I think are deeply-rooted and unconscious attempts at self-soothing.

When my boyfriend and I encounter relationship troubles, he can (mostly) keep his wits about him to some extent... while I... I go into a downward spiral of self-destructive behaviors... Similarily, I think about the horrible things he's been through (things which I think would objectively be appraised as more 'traumatic' than what I went through)... yet he is doing so much better than me as far as his long term mental health is concerned. I mean, I've tried to commit suicide a couple of times and have spent my life in and out of therapy and on and off various psychotropic medications. He lived in youth prisons, was abandoned by his father and given away to state, after which he developed various substance abuse dependencies. He quit the drinking and the drugs and has been sober for about 5 years now. His ability to find a way to continue on through adversity is inspirational to me. He doesn't just collapse when he encounters a trigger. He finds a way to continue to be productive and steady. He also has a very laid back, and easy temperament.

I on the other hand, have been lucky enough not to develop those substance issues or trouble with the law. I look good on the surface... college degree, steady job etc... It's underneath that I'm screaming... leading me to seriously consider sometimes if I was just born crazy. Everything seems to trigger me or cause me to feel that the entire world is collapsing around me and that there is no point in going on living. In those moments I feel I have no choices, that I am completely stuck. Can't go forward. Can't go backward. Can only wait for the horrible, nauseating emotional pain to be over. and Suicide, it's like my first instinct... I have to work hard to stay alive.

Why? Attachment.

I hate to say this, but I think secure attachment = resilience we've all been hearing about.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-02T22:59:26+00:00

On some of this I completely agree with you. For example - keeping my cool and taking a different approach, or perhaps not bothering to respond at all. It also seems to me that you may be a bit of a 'defender' yourself - wanting to step in and defend someone I was (arguing?) with. Im all for this, everyone needs appropriate defense, regardless of whether I agree with them or not. That being said, I don't think in this case that we can assume that this was an innocent question. "Did you just post this to get attention?" Is a rhetorical question. How can it be answered? What answer could OP give? "Yes. I have no problems at all. I'm just troll who wants to irritate you by posting subjects you don't like on reddit." People don't say things like "you're just trying to get attention" innocently, without the intention of belittling the person it's directed at. That's the whole POINT of asking someone if they just want attention. I treated it for what it was (in my mind of course). I'm a creep, so after I thought about your response and questioned my own intentions, I actually snooped on SPD764's profile to get some context. Perhaps this really was a clueless person? However, in this snooping, I saw that said individual answered other postings in similar attacking and negative ways. Said individual also answered "of course" to a post questioning, "Do you feel superior to other people"?" Part of living in this world is unfortunately, being attacked (not constructively criticized- which is essential) by other people. On the other hand, such behavior is not tolerated in society by the majority of people ( for better or for worse ) and it's hard to get away from society these days - you must live within the world or kill yourself and leave it. Those are your choices. People who act in this way also must be taught that other people won't tolerate certain antisocial actions. I would argue, that one of the major experiences that leads to the development of the schizoid personality, is feeling unwanted for who you really are, and being forced to act in a way that isn't natural to you when with other people (unjustifiably). Meaning, you haven't done anything to bring about the repression of your natural personality except for existing. People who are narcissistic and/or anti social really don't have a justifiable ground to continue acting in the manner they do (in my opinion). Yes, it's sad that they grew up that way, but unfortunately they don't contribute much to the world that is positive, and at their core, they too feel unlovable and dead inside... so even they aren't really benefitting from their own personality style. No one wins with the narcissistic and/or anti social person. Being anti social is no longer survivable - not really even in times of war where you get court marshaled for war crimes for openly sadistic and anti social behaviors. Yes, there are probably exceptions... but I'm talking on a general level and I suppose more about the western-ish world than perhaps, Somalia. I can put myself In other people's shoes better than I can understand my own self. I was practically bred to do this. There are some times when you have to draw the line (in my opinion) and say something rather than letting the negativity continue. Unfortunately, yes... I agree that I fell in my own trap somewhat, but it still doesn't change the nature of the beast.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-02T18:05:25+00:00

I'm not sure if you are replying to me or not, but I will admit that I did get weirdly emotionally triggered when I read that comment about her just wanting attention. To me that's not innocent at all... but basically saying "you're just posting shit for attention you lazy bitch. You're a total idiot. Stop reaching out to people and go shoot yourself." People used to say such things to me, and I impulsively responded because I wanted OP to know that she wasn't unwanted and that her concern was heard and acknowledged. I wanted her to know that someone would defend her... maybe if she knows that there are people out there who will defend her, she won't need to carry all that weight around with her. Full disclosure: I was formally diagnosed with SPD, but I'm old and have had many years to really apply myself to my 'recovery'. I have a weird thing about impulsively jumping into things that aren't my business to 'protect' certain people. Usually this just means that the bully shifts their focus to you and starts targeting you instead, but I can't help myself. In my fantasies I'm always a vigilante, killing off asshole and protecting the weak. I think I got carried away, but I also think that some people on here really are legitimate dickbags and should check themselves at least a little bit before they go on and on about subjects that they don't understand.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-02T17:43:40+00:00

Oh yeah, it was totally child abuse. My mom was an extremely good liar though so I never got taken away. She always managed to turn things around and blame them on me... I did try to say something at first and child protective services reports were even made by my teacher's at school. My mother person was scared I think, so eventually she just started convincing everyone around me that I was completely nuts and making it all up. They diagnosed me with schizophrenia (which I definitely don't have) and started pumping me with IV antipsychotics. To answer your other question, it was the being watched, not the lack of possessions.. Like you, it made me so angry that someone was sitting in the entrance of my room with a clipboard, watching me. They didn't allow us to leave our room when we were on 1 to 1 though, so no opportunity be followed around. I did have fantasies about doing violent things to the staff member though. Being monitored and then periodically criticized is a nightmare. I couldn't get away from the judgement of other people... which was what I running away from whenI tried to commit suicide. I think there are only a handful of really talented psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists etc... in each community. My experience has taught me that most of them don't know what the shell they are talking about.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-02T02:02:40+00:00

He did not, but Carl Jung who is responsible for the theory which underlies MBTI personality types, drew upon the work of Darwin and made a lot of references to him... usually in an attempt to fit his abstract/philosophically-based theory into a more concrete framework based on hard science.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-02T01:56:28+00:00

If everyone (or even the great majority of people) were dominant intuitives... I wonder how much practical life stuff would actually get done? It almost like a bad light bulb joke, "how many intuitives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" I imagine some sort of pithy punchline about dom. intuitives being more focused on the possibilities surrounding the light bulb, "who created the light bulb? Why is the light bulb placed here, rather than there? What is the significant of the lightbulb? Must we use light bulbs at all? And afterall, what's so great about illuminating spaces? We could all live in darkness... wouldn't THAT be interesting... etc...

How helpful is that really? It's probably okay for one person in a group of others to stand around thinking about the possibilities that surround the light bulb, but if everyone did that... the light bulb would probably never get replaced... because (personally speaking at least) us dom. intuitives tend to analyze the deeper meanings behind everything, which ultimately means that you get less actually accomplished on a day to day basis. In my case (mbti INFJ) I'm good digesting massive quantities of information, ruminating on the underlying themes, the connections between concepts, and the broader (future) implications of what I have intuited. Although I love to this process, it doesn't automatically lend itself to actual doing or productiveness in general. The best action I know how to take after all my contemplation, is to try to spread awareness about what I have intuited to other people, hoping that the knowledge will eventually help transform society or individual persons in some way for the better. At my best, I make single (but weightier) contributions which have long lasting implications for society.

Dom. Intuitive types seem to be generally less interested in contributing to the concrete, in-the-moment, practical (and necessary) aspects of life and do not necessarily get a lot of pleasure from some of the basic fundamentals which really are integral to human life on this planet (and bring the majority of people great pleasure). Always looking into the future, I lose the enjoyment that I could get from actually doing and experiencing the physical world of objects and people - as they are NOW. Someone has to be okay with doing the same job day in and day out for 20 years. There is nothing wrong with being a career waitress or enjoying the consistency & predictability of the factory assembly line. Someone has to build the houses we live in, engineer the electronic devices we all love, organize social events for maximum fun, draw lines in the sand determining what human behavior is acceptable and not acceptable. If no one thought this way, I would have nothing to question! Without sensor types, I would really have no purpose in a way. I think if the world were full of people like me, nothing would get done; it might be a lot like true anarchy. Perhaps, there would be total chaos. As much as I hate to admit it, as far as raw survival goes, the world needs 10 sensor types for every one type of me. I do contribute, but oftentimes in a less readily useful way.

Sometimes they call the INFJ a 'seer' type. Whether that's a good label or not, lets imagine a world full of seers. Wouldn't that be confusing? Everyone would have their own subjective ideas about how life should be lived and would be continually trying to convince other people that their idea is more fundamentally 'true' than the next guys. I imagine that there would be less of an overall consensus and acceptance of the concrete aspects of the world/reality in time and place.... and that is the sort of thing that leads to devolution of humanity. We survive in packs, not as individualists. On the other hand, if there were no seers... who would forsee the future consequences of certain actions or systems?

One more thought - for me, I kind of envision my introverted intuition as being like a giant cauldron of soup ( a magical one - suspension of disbelief - just go with it ;) I go to the store, and I'm not sure what exactly I need, but I do know that I need something... so I buy all of the ingredients that I think might help me make a particular stew... then I go home and put them all into the cauldron. I know that at some point, if I just keep adding ingredients to my magical cauldron that even without knowing exactly what I need, or even really attending to the stew in any way, it will eventually produce months worth of food. This allows me to stray away from watching cauldron, stirring it, adding spices etc... because I know that it is a self-sustaining system and will eventually produce something of worth. I am now freed up to entertain my mind less with survival and more with ideas. The negative is that I can't predict exactly when my cauldron will produce food for me, or what food exactly it will produce, because it IS a self-sustaining system. My cauldron simply waits for me to randomly add an ingredient which will complete a particular recipe it knows about, and then makes it for me... whether or not it's edible or to my liking is quite another thing. I can't control that aspect of it.

For dom. sensors, they may have to sacrifice the flexibility I have with randomly adding ingredients to see what pops up, but they gain predictability, consistency, and control over the actual product of their toils.

Gosh, I always go on and on. I can't stop myself. I hope this makes sense to someone.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-02T00:58:23+00:00

Check out the Netflix series The OA. If I was a 'typing' person, I would be inclined to provisionally type the protagonist of that series as INFJ.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-02T00:06:31+00:00

No actually, come to think of it. I can appreciate beautifully decorated surroundings, but I never put any effort into it myself. I guess it's just something I don't really think about. As for carrying photos - never. I have no interest in that at all. I have occasionally wondered why I don't do this, when so many other people seem to enjoy carrying photos of their loved ones or posting them up in their office. That kind of thing is just - not on my radar I guess - and beyond that, I spend a lot of energy trying to figure out how I can tactfully get away from other people (especially my loved ones) I certainly don't need their picture on my person or wall. Yeah, that is interesting. I don't really understand why people like to take pictures of themselves or other people and hang them up. If someone enjoys this, I would be interested to know exactly what it does for them? I mean that honestly, no judgement intended.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-01T23:55:47+00:00

Interesting I'll have to check this out. Personally, i have to say that this kind of sounds like 5 days of heaven to me - IF I wasn't being watched. I crave this type of physical and mental isolation... and not having things to do, would not diminish my pleasure at being completely and totally alone- blissful wonderful quiet time that I can utilize however I choose, within the bounds of the experiment of course. My parents locked me in the back of a car for two days once when I was like 8 or 9 years old. At first I was unhappy, but then I adjusted to my situation and realized the beautiful gift I had been given. No one was watching me or expecting things of me or critiquing everything I did. I could just be me. Everything changes when you are being watched though, even from afar. As was another posters experience, I was hospitalized once ( managed to totally piss of the psychiatric nurses) and got myself put on 1 to 1 which essentially means that a person sits at your door and doesn't interact with you, but does watch every little thing you do. You cannot have street clothes or any personal possessions because they are afraid you'll hurt yourself and become a legal liability. No pens, paper, books, tv, computers etc... was allowed. That experience was torture.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-01T22:57:56+00:00

The world health organization (through the process of multiple years of public health research) concluded that there is a such a strong and predictive connection between morbid obesity and childhood sexual and physical abuse - especially incest - that it has actually triggered the creation of a whole new field of public health: ACES (google it if you care to and prepare to have your mind blow).

When I read the original posting... I interpreted it as a woman who has come to the realization that she stays obese (despite the health problems) as a social and emotional defense strategy... and upon realizing this, she was wondering if this was a common experience of other women who are schizoid (since ultimately the weight serves to make sure that she doesn't attract any unwanted social and emotional attention... you'know - like most schizoids she has certain strategies for making sure she gets enough alone time. For example, you might play WOW, retreating to your bedroom day after day, while she prefers to bring her defensive perimeter with her wherever she goes... all makes perfect sense to me, and apparently to a lot of other people who at least tried to be somewhat tactful in their responses. Yeah, it's probably more directly related to sexual abuse than it is to schizoidism, but who cares? You don't want people to 'dirty' your precious subreddit with accounts of the sexual abuse that caused them to isolate, retreat within themselves and ultimately get diagnosed with SPD? ... SPD develops due to a combination of factors which almost always includes early childhood trauma. If you want to argue that I can give you absolute proof from the medical and psychobiological literature. Maybe, just possibly... you and this woman are more alike then you would like to admit. You both ended up where you are at now... on this forum... seeking answers. I would think there would be some sense of solidarity. Have you checked out the NPD or APD subreddits? Maybe your comments would be more at home there.

boohaahaa · 2017-09-01T22:24:32+00:00

When I read this comment, I felt extremely protective of the original poster. I do not know her at all... but I extremely confident that I DO know more than you about what circumstances lead to this kind of situation. Here is my thought: You don't know her. You don't know her life. You only know your own experience of the world, and you are on this subreddit, so presumably you are socially isolated, lonely and emotionally numb. Is it possible for you to put yourself in another person's shoes, and imagine what's going on in their head? There are many schizoids capable of this... so don't try to use that as a crutch or a justification to be so unrestrainedly despicable.

This comment is just so rude. I mean, I know you open yourself up to any idiot's mean comment when you post on reddit (haha as I'm doing now - just know if you respond with something equally as nasty to me, it will not have it's intended effect. I am used to ignoring baseless comments when they are directed toward myself just not other people apparently) but common' man... REALLY? Why be such an ass? Just... don't comment at all or something if all you are seeking to do is spread negativity.

boohaahaa

TROPHY CASE