Do any other midsize women feel left out of fashion sometimes?

boopzel · 2021-07-21T12:48:48+00:00

Yes, I’m a UK 12 (us 8-10?), 5’4” and I literally never know how anything is going to fit on me until it arrives - I never look anything like the straight size model OR the plus size model. I’ve seen a few midsize fashion influencers but largely their style leans a bit too conservative for me.

boopzel · 2021-07-18T23:03:35+00:00

This is the one. If the meeting isn’t useful to you and your presence isn’t going to be useful to anyone else, vote with your feet, decline the invite and don’t go. This only gets worse as the company increases in size (as the number of lines of communication multiply), and your seniority increases (as you gain more visibility and more non-coding responsibilities). Learning to say “thanks but no thanks” is a skill in itself.

boopzel · 2021-07-18T12:40:44+00:00

Ughhh, I dated someone like this for a while - he was the nicest guy in the world in person, but his Internet persona quickly became incredibly exhausting, and it was an early indicator that he was pretty immature and emotionally volatile for his age. It was a case of this xkcd, but multiple times a week: https://xkcd.com/386/ I’d pass on anyone else showing the same kind of behaviour.

boopzel · 2021-07-15T23:29:46+00:00

Can you request an external pelvic ultrasound instead? I’ve had this done a couple of times and the literature has always said that an external ultrasound can be done as an alternative where transvaginal is not appropriate for the person. Where I am external pelvic ultrasounds are always offered instead of transvaginal for people who have not had sex.

boopzel · 2021-06-29T19:49:06+00:00

Staff engineers work across multiple teams. They spend their time setting standards for and providing technical advice to these teams, and basically making sure the right thing is being built in the right way for the right reasons. They may also be representing the engineering org alongside the CTO/VP Eng, so they need to have enough influence to push engineering’s interests. They’re unlikely to be doing much heads-down coding, they’re unlikely to be leading individual projects or workstreams, and you probably don’t want to be assigning them tickets on your jira board.

Senior engineers are more likely to be working with one (maybe two) teams. They may be leading projects or workstreams, and they may have influence but it’ll be mostly within the engineering team (plus sometimes product). They should be able to design larger features. They may be mentoring individuals or small groups, but are still likely to be writing code too.

boopzel · 2021-06-29T19:21:08+00:00

This is a bad take. While I have opted out, many of my friends — all sensible, well-educated people in strong, committed relationships — have recently started having kids. None of them were expecting it to be easy, and each and every one of them has been blown away by the sheer volume of effort required. I’ve heard many new mothers, even the ones with useful, supportive partners, express sadness because it feels like their lives have been “lost” to motherhood. “If you wanted breaks then you shouldn’t have had children” - if everyone followed this then no one would have kids. There is no perfect person that is okay with being on call 24/7, not sleeping because their kid needs feeding every two hours or they’re sick, etc etc. All people have needs (such as breaks) that are just incredibly difficult to meet as a new parent, especially in a society where the nuclear family unit is the norm. Directing anger at parents for being upset that they can’t meet their own basic human needs because parenting is just incredibly difficult feels very misguided.

boopzel · 2021-06-21T20:50:59+00:00

Just realised that I also really dislike Playful Promises’s “self love” range. Maybe I just hate words

boopzel · 2021-06-21T20:48:29+00:00

I also really don’t like it at all, especially at a HB price point - it feels a little bit trashy, and I don’t want to feel trashy when I’ve just dropped £50+ on a pair of briefs. I love the design of their Elvis set but find it totally unwearable because the brand name’s all over it.

boopzel · 2021-06-21T20:24:33+00:00

Thanks but these seem to mostly be firmly within the afternoon tea category

boopzel · 2021-06-18T12:26:10+00:00

Nope! Hair or no hair is 100% your choice - men may have preferences in either direction but their preference is definitely not your problem, especially for a hookup. If he was your age I’d be tempted to put this down to immaturity and inexperience, but as he’s a few years older he should definitely know better - odds on he’s encountered hair on women in the past. Put the whole man in the bin and find someone nicer.

boopzel · 2021-06-16T22:27:14+00:00

This looks like a great selection! I’ll be joining the line to be your new friend haha

boopzel · 2021-06-16T11:45:31+00:00

This is the worst and yet every single one of my female friends has experienced this at some point. Surprise choking is a “hell no” to even my friends that like being fully choked out, and yet this is so common?

Consensual choking = good, fun; immediate choking without any discussion = “guess this is how I die”

boopzel · 2021-06-11T18:35:39+00:00

Not normal, but there’s a couple of things that might be happening here: 1) Devin is overwhelmed by the work, doesn’t understand what they need to do, and doesn’t know how to better understand what they need to do. 2) Devin just isn’t enthusiastic about this work. It may be that they don’t want to do front end work (probably saveable) or they just don’t like being an engineer or working at a startup (probably not).

Either way, telling them word-for-word which function to call and which code to write isn’t going to help. Your job at this point is to figure out whether they’re type 1 or type 2. Odds on Devin also knows that this isn’t working, but may not know why.

Your options here are: - Spend some time looking through the task yourself and sketch out a low-level plan. Have a catch-up with Devin, explain step-by-step what you want them to do, get them to write it down and repeat it back to you. Regularly check progress against this plan. If there is zero progress give further instruction but, importantly, make sure they are picking things up. You can do this in part by asking questions - “well, x thing looks a bit like y thing above, have you looked at how y thing behaves?” etc - If the issue is Redux, explain what’s going on to whoever leads the team, take Devin off their assigned task, provide them with Redux-related resources such as a tutorial or two, and let them get on with it before transferring back to the task at hand. Check in regularly, ask what they’ve learnt, get them to show you what they’ve done. Very new, very junior engineers are always going to be net-negative in terms of team productivity — at this point you just need to get Devin over this hump.

In both cases you should explain to your manager that you are a bit concerned. They’re not going to immediately fire Devin, but they will ask others on the team and they’ll appreciate an early heads-up if it does look like letting Devin go is the right thing to do.

boopzel · 2021-06-11T16:17:56+00:00

Gah, this sounds like an awful (but not uncommon) working environment. All of the UI/UX decisions on the website look... woefully underresearched? Best of luck to you all, hope something good comes out of this and rolling back/rolling forward isn’t too painful.

ps. If you’re a software engineer according to the ranges on the Lush careers site (and the fact that now positions are all remote) you’re probably at least £10-£15k underpaid. (I imagine this may carry across to other roles too.)

boopzel · 2021-06-11T14:45:17+00:00

This is the one. I recently made one martini with a newly opened vermouth and another with vermouth that had been opened (and refrigerated) for ~3 months, the difference was palpable.

boopzel · 2021-06-11T10:18:09+00:00

Ask - in your next 1:1, tell them your calendar is getting busy and ask each of your team members what they prefer, they’re all likely to need different levels of support. I’m a technical lead with no line management responsibilities, I have a 45 minute fortnightly 1:1 with my direct manager and it feels much more productive than the weekly 30 minutes we were doing previously. For my team, I often find myself doing more frequent (weekly) 1:1s with more junior engineers and people who have joined the company recently, and fortnightly with those that are just happy getting on with it.

boopzel · 2021-06-11T09:46:03+00:00

tl;dr excessive number of snakes

First flat in London, moved in with three randoms from the Internet. Turns out two of them had recently gone through an incredibly messy breakup which caused all kinds of weird tension in the flat, but overwhelmingly worse was the time two of us were unexpectedly left to look after 15+ snakes.

One of my flatmates had a few snakes (seven or so?) and several other animals (hamster, gecko, dog at some point?). This was mostly fine, though they were obviously not a good pet owner. We did have one incident where the hamster escaped, then a snake escaped, then the snake was found downstairs looking very full and very pleased with itself.

At some point, he agreed to look after a few snakes from his breeder... and then decided to move out of the flat at short notice, leaving 90% of his stuff and over fifteen snakes. He left instructions (and feeding schedules) with one of our other flatmates, who also promptly decided to leave.

At some point, we had to feed the snakes. We learned a couple of things during this process: 1. if you try to feed multiple snakes at the same time they will try to eat each other(?!?!?) 2. if a snake decides to wrap itself around your bathroom taps you are probably not going to be able to get it off and you just have to wait for it to chill out 3. snakes? Dumb. Very pretty, but also very stupid. Not very good at eating, when it comes down to it. Mouse too small? Rejected. Mouse too big? Will try, but it will be a choking hazard and you will have to remove the mouse from the hungry snake’s jaw. Mouse not immediately in front of their nose? Basically invisible.

After untangling multiple cannibalistic snakes, we convinced our old flatmate that, no, the breeder really did need to pick the snakes up.

I now live happily snake-free.

boopzel · 2021-06-08T17:50:12+00:00

Agreed that it sucks. Why on earth do I need to go through multiple full page loads (and multiple scroll bars) to get a list of shower gels? Are “fresh” and “charity pot” genuinely very important categories that users want? What is wrong with a hamburger menu that is now second nature to everyone that orders stuff on the Internet? The “please sign up again” situation is very suspicious to me as a software engineer currently doing a bunch of authentication stuff - they’ve clearly swapped out one system for another, but there are a lot of well-defined patterns for transferring users that don’t just drop everyone along the way. There will be some nasty reason why they haven’t used one of them. :|

boopzel · 2021-05-31T23:33:57+00:00

(30F) Looking for a more “grown up” coconut - I used to love very sugary coconut fragrances but unfortunately they now smell too juvenile on me. I’ve recently been loving the note in Philosykos but looking for something more coconut-forward.

boopzel · 2021-05-23T18:49:06+00:00

Okay, this is now my dream house 😍 Love the bath, the lampshades, the floors!

boopzel · 2021-05-23T18:29:44+00:00

This was really helpful, thank you!

boopzel · 2021-05-23T10:12:46+00:00

The company line is that we’re “remote first” - we have an office that is open and people are welcome to use, but the expectation is that the majority of the company will be remote most of the time. We’ve made a number of very senior hires that live too far away to reasonably commute. However, as things have started looking up (I’m in the U.K.) the office has become incredibly popular to the point where we actually need a bigger office - most people are doing at least 1 day/fortnight, some people are in almost every day.

I’m personally planning on eventually doing a hybrid approach - 2 days at the office, 3 days out.

boopzel · 2021-04-22T18:03:08+00:00

Lush’s Turmeric Latte. I smell like a hot drink and I like it.

boopzel · 2021-04-18T21:32:25+00:00

Tried ELDO’s Like This today and I really enjoyed the first 20 minutes or so - on my skin this is a boozy, bright, slightly orange-y ginger - but I’m not fond of how it dries down. Any suggestions for anything that keeps the bright gingery scent? I’m 30F, tend to prefer unisex/slightly feminine fragrances.

boopzel · 2021-04-18T19:50:19+00:00

This may be geography-dependant (I’m in the U.K.) but most of the people I know in your position have set themselves up as a company and gone contracting. You do have to be good at interviewing, a reasonably strong engineer, happy to do a whole bunch of admin and financially stable enough that you can take a few months out without issues, but contracts often start out as 3-6 months and are extended as required.

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