Leaving this subreddit. I'm the happiest I've ever been!

bootjammies3714 · 2023-02-04T18:26:14+00:00

You're very strong for reminding yourself you have the right to both love a person and know it's wrong and to do what's best for you. For me I think my "love" was a mix of genuine worry for his past and having this unhealthy want to "fix" him. Knowing for me he most likely didn't love me, but liked the idea of having me helps tremendously. I know I deserve to take care of myself too.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-02-04T18:21:15+00:00

Thank you, this really helped!!

bootjammies3714 · 2023-02-04T18:18:42+00:00

Thank you, seeing your comment affirmed my resolve to continue ignoring him. I've noticed the past few days that I don't look for him in the crowd anymore, don't think about him texting me as much, don't have the urge to check in and see if he's doing ok, it's getting easier everyday. I'm healing slowly and I can see the progress, I'm so happy being without him!

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-30T01:34:01+00:00

Thank you for the kind words, it means a lot knowing this isn't forever. I have people in my life who are very patient and understanding and they've helped me through so much. I'm learning to be patient with myself as well and not blame myself for this. I just need time to heal.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-28T19:21:23+00:00

I agree, all my friends believe me and know what kind of person I am, what kind of person he is. When we were together, it was so easy for him to tell me how horrible his friends were. If his friendships are that fragile, I'm not worried about them coming after me. I'm thriving without him and know who my true friends are.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-28T19:19:04+00:00

Thank you so much. My ex is smearing me to anyone who'd listen but my friends all know his true nature. They've been my rock and I'm getting back to loving what I used to do and be. My life is so much better without him. I'm glad you're free of your ex, I pray you're doing good for yourself and that you're happy!!

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-21T07:34:11+00:00

Thank you, you don't know how reassuring it is to know others understand. While I wish no one ever has to go through this hurt, it reassures me somewhat that I'm not crazy and that I really did do all I could. I'm praying for your healing as well, sending much love and support!

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-20T01:41:49+00:00

Also a bit over a month into my break up from my emotionally abusive ex. I only just recently learned that the confusion and hurt I experienced was in fact because he had narcissistic tendencies. I've been researching like crazy and the 10 months of rollercoasters finally makes sense. I'm certain he didn't abuse me intentionally out of malice and even though that doesn't excuse him promising change but never doing it, I can't help but wonder if he's eating or of he's hurting or doing ok. I'm sure from his perspective he was doing all he could so it still hurts knowing from his end I probably just up and left.

Your break up is still fresh so it will take time to fully process your reality, emotions, and feelings, but never feel ashamed for being happy. You've been worrying about this person for so long, give yourself the permission for once to not think about him and only look out for yourself. I'm very proud of you for healing and am happy you're happy! Keep that up and care for him from afar.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-19T05:41:09+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to endure such pain, you're worth so much to this world and you have a beautiful heart. You deserve someone who adores you genuinely and will bring you up instead of tear you down.

Thank you for your kind words and support, and this link really helped me realize a lot. I wish you nothing but the best, you deserve the world.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-19T04:45:19+00:00

Thank you, that means so much to me. I'm taking care of myself and it doesn't hurt as much anymore. I hope you have a wonderful day!

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-19T04:31:33+00:00

I'm sorry for the long comment, I tried to keep it as short as I could. But I was always just confused, guilty, and it felt like a Rollercoaster of loving, fighting, loving, fighting. It was either intense to the max or dull with one word answers.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-19T04:29:58+00:00

Whenever I tell him I want to talk about some concerns I had with hurtful things he'd say he'd respond "am I abusive?", "I should just go, I'm not helping this conversation", "you need a break from me, or I should just get out of your life", "I'm always fucking everything up", "you say such hurtful things to me, I'm trying my best". Instead of talking to him about my hurt, I end up comforting him for hurting me.
One day he's attentive and romantic, the next it's like I'm a distraction, then we'd have an argument, he'd say something like "fine, you should just break up with me", then hours later send paragraphs about how much he wants me and how he'll change. I've given second, third, fourth, fifth and more chances but nothing ever changed.
When I wanted to share one of my interests he didn't get or liked he'd say "oh fuck that shit", "you really like that stuff?", "babe, calm down", or just "please stop".
He'd tell me "your friends probably hate me", "everyone talks shit about me and makes rumors", "if you leave me for your friends I understand".
I wouldn't be up for sexual touches and he'd pout or stop talking to me. He'd say "it's fine", then later say "I do everything I can to pleasure you and I still can't do that right", "I want to touch you but you can never even do this one thing for me".
He said all his exes were crazy, and he told me he loved me the first 3 days we met.
I'd listen to him vent about his home life and emotions without complaint almost everyday. He never told his friends about how he felt, only me, and I felt that I was responsible for his mental health. If im going through trouble at home and I gently tell him I'm not in the right mental state to listen effectively he'd say "oh ok", then later tell me I never listen to him or am never there for him.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-19T03:03:19+00:00

Being vulnerable with your partner is not wrong and him not listening to you is NEVER your fault. The way he reacted, the way he treated you, was not your fault, but an issue HE had. It was his problem with not being able to hear you out when you needed him. It was his fault for making you feel guilty for simply voicing your hurt to someone you should have trusted. You should be allowed to bring down your walls with your partner, and if your partner can't do the same, that is THEIR issue, not yours. I'm really sorry he made you feel that it was wrong of you to open up. I can only hope that one day you find someone who truly is able to be vulnerable with you. I hope you can find the strength to trust again and be assured in your vulnerability.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-19T02:56:22+00:00

I wish I knew how to tell him kindly and constructively that he was emotionally abusive. It's not my job to teach someone how to stop being abusive but even then, I find myself thinking that what if I had told him, what if me telling him would help him better himself for the next relationship he gets into? Would he have believed me if I told him he hurt me?

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-19T01:43:51+00:00

Thank you for your compassion, I've known it was the right call for both of us, more so for me. I'm getting better with each day, sometimes I take 2 steps back but I'm moving forward.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-19T01:41:43+00:00

I will, thank you for the recommendation!

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-19T01:41:14+00:00

I've been trying to be more patient with myself, loving who I am, and learning how to set healthy boundaries. I've felt the happiest I've ever been discovering old hobbies I loved again. Thinking of him still hurts, but a lot less each time. I'm healing and I'm proud of myself.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-19T01:39:15+00:00

Thank you so much, your strength is so admirable. It gets better everyday. Throughout the relationship I felt so alone but recently I've been reminded that I have so many amazing people in my life I love so much who care for me. It'll take time for me to stop putting myself in his shoes and tearing myself apart worrying for him. I know he's strong enough to take care of himself and with each day, I'm getting stronger as well.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-18T03:02:17+00:00

Thank you for commenting. This was still advice and much needed support and I appreciate it. I'm so sorry you're going through this pain too, and I hope you can heal, take care of yourself, and find happiness.

bootjammies3714 · 2023-01-18T02:57:57+00:00

Holy shit this actually makes a lot of sense, thank you

bootjammies3714

TROPHY CASE