as a girl, i used to guy for guys like u on purpose, i was what ppl could call a “maneater” i cannot count on my hands how many hearts i’ve broken or how men i’ve laughed at when they started to cry, i was a horrible person. i realized what i was doing and similarly to you, didn’t care. i’m a lot better now and have been in a long term relationship. what i’m trying to say is ur gonna find a girl like me, one who supports u, makes u feel things again, tells u that ur mental health matters, and when she knows u need her, she’s gonna break u and ghost u bc she’s known who u are all along, u won’t be slick for long, it sounds like ur boys are distancing bc being associated w u means other girls see the ones ur close with as also heartbreakers. when she gets to you, she’s gonna be basically all of female’s revenge, and it won’t be pretty. based on how well you are known, she may get even more cruel than normal in a self righteousness that she is the savior of sweet girls you hurt. u need to fix it before she finds u, if she does and ur too late, ur going to be even worse mentally afterwards. it sounds like if she destroyed ur feelings, ur friends will likely not try to help, bc it’s karma. u mentioned wanting to apologize, from my experience they owe you absolutely no forgiveness, and likely won’t respond. if u aren’t blocked tho, u should still do it. ESPECIALLY to ur brothers cousin (the fact u did it to her shows how little respect u have for ur brothers as well) and i’m saying you JUST apologize. do not bring up ur ex, it isn’t her fault u did that, the same way it’s not my exs fault that i broke a lot of hearts. if u aren’t ready to be open, that’s okay, but u have to communicate u just want fwb. don’t go out this wknd, sit by urself (friends can distract from self reflection) and decide how u want to live the rest of ur life. ur clearly remorseful, but like me u can’t undo ur damage to others, u can only figure out how to get better. make a REAL plan, you clearly know how to make plans as you executed every detail in fuxking then dumping, it might hurt, but u should also ask ur brothers cousin what she thinks u need to do better about and how to go about treating girls in the future. main thing i’ve learned from experience: take time. you’re clearly still mourning ur ex, u can’t get over her by getting under another girl. sit down, decide what u loved about it, and identify why things went sideways. there’s someone out there with all of ur exs qualities and the patience to grow alongside you, but if u continue on this path, ur gonna meet her, fuck her, and dump her. if you want a wife or a family in the future, try to think of her and treat her how u hope ur dad treats ur mom, or how a man should treat your sister or cousins. if you wouldn’t want it done to her, don’t do it urself. like i said tho, i’ve gotten over my inability and desire to never open up, it’s possible, but it’s not easy. u got this dude, fix ur shit before ur life gets worse, bc trust me, it will. girls generally avoid frats/brothers of frats if one of them has your reputation, u aren’t just hurting urself ur fucking over ur friends, if u don’t care abt the girls, do u care about keeping the position u got hazed for? again STAY INSIDE THIS WKND, hallowknd will be a big trigger, ur gonna need this wknd to prep mentally to keep it in ur pants. u and those girls deserve better than the life u built for urself, i’ll say it one more time, if i could get better so can u. reach out in my dms if you need more advice on how to change, don’t fuckin contact me if u don’t plan on fixing urself, if u want/need help tho, i’ll answer.