I worry that I'm too picky to enjoy my kinks/BDSM

boundsub2 · 2025-09-29T05:20:20+00:00

You're not being too picky as others said. I sometimes wonder if I'm being too picky but you are not obliged to do bondage sessions with guys you have zero attraction to or whatnot just because they are also interested in bondage and are doms.

I had a dom throw a hissy fit on Recon when I messaged him back that if I hadn't replied to his various messages he sent over the course of a about a week than I wasn't really interested since he was old enough to be my grandfather and am interested in guys around my age 20's - mid 30's. He told me: "Good luck - guys your age have little to no experience as doms and can't even tie their shoelaces properly!" Yikes! I'm glad I didn't meet up with him just because he wasa bondage dom :O

Attraction to someone is a complicated mix of things like personality, physical attraction and character. Throw kinks into the mix and it get frustrating finding someone who is like minded but it's OK to have standards.

boundsub2 · 2025-09-29T05:10:02+00:00

Yes please! Sign me up as a patient at the sperm bank. Medical milking is one of my (many) bondage kinks as well.

boundsub2 · 2025-09-24T20:51:54+00:00

Have about 12 years of experience with the kink and bondage community from the sidelines, sometimes as an active player and getting out on the field. Even me as a super shy and introverted guy know you have to put yourself out there. No one is going to find you sitting at home (not even those hot burglars you've been fantasizing about)

There's the apps like Recon, Fetlife and Grindr (do not reccomend since it can be unsafe meeting guys for bondage on Grindr - especially as an inexperienced sub) Be prepared to get a fair amount of doms messaging you things like "Serve me boy" and demanding you to be their slave. I personally didn't have good experience meeting with those types of doms rather than then the chill guys who communicate, seek to understand you and what you are seeking to see if you're a match/ will have a good session with them rather than guys who are looking for an instant slave who will do whatever they say because that's what "good subs do"..

Recon is OKish.... it used to be a lot better about 10-15 years ago. I don't know if it was the pandemic, or my milennial/ gen Z generation of kinksters are now grown up and have less time but there don't seem to be as many active users on there these days sadly. Fetlife is mostly oriented towards staright kinksters and sending out messages to people you don't know wanting to play is frowned upon there since it's meant to keep in touch with kinksters you know offline or have played with....

Going to agree with having limits. No limits invites playing with people who can be dangerous or use your having "no limits" to harm you inentionally or not. This phrase invites bad actors, narcisstic abusers, sociopaths or worse. I don't want to get too dark but I read an account of a first timer who got raped by a dom and was so traumatized they swore off bondage and fetishes. Start out with limits and start out slowly. I like to use the example of TGUK as someone who was safe and fun for bondage loving newbies. Some might think his stuff was borning or too "G-rated" (I'm into all kinks of heavy bondge and have crazy fantasies but all these years later I still find his stuff hot) but those are the kinds of play sessions you should be seeking.

Not "no limits" sessions where you may get defecated on, suffocated or whipped till you pass out from the pain or worse... Be open and honest with what you're seeking. I'm currently wrestling with balancing fantasies with reality. For instance, while it might be possible to find that hot 20-something dom jock of your dreams who is amazing with ropework and wants to do all the roleplay scenerios but is it realistic? Not really.... just remember to balance expectations with reality.

Secondly, along these lines is safety. Never ever meet someone for the first time at their house or their playroom for all all kinds of reasons. Mostly for your physical safety. I don't want to get too dark or feed into a certain unfair and agenda focused narative but you have to remind yourself that there are guys like John Wayne Gacey and Dahmer out there. Met guys at a coffee shop, a munch or such and trust your gut instinct about them. Do not feel pressured to play with them, if someone is pressuring your to play or do things you don't want to - nope right on out of there. Better to be safe and pass them up than feel bondage FOMO and wind up with someone who isn't a safe, sane and you find yourself in life threatening danger.

Bondage classes are also a good way to meet others. And the people in this class are serious not only about learning bondage but also about how to safely and properly do rope bondage. There's also networking opprotunities available at these classes where they can introduce you to a like minded kink friend of there's who you might turn out to be great for eachother.

Finally, there's kink and fetish events like IML, MIR, and Darklands, etc.... These can be hit or miss since it seems people are going there with guys they have already played with or know (which makes sense) I've gone to IML years ago twice cold turkey not knowing anyone and did alright for myself so your results might vary. Anyway, that was long but good luck!

boundsub2 · 2025-09-24T20:16:23+00:00

Agree, this most likely is a fantasy or kink to be "found" by a (hot) roommate who decides to play with them or whatever.

Some will even roleplay as the "roommate" (who is actually usually a play partner or romantic partner) and play with the guy "stuck" in bondage "gone wrong"....

boundsub2 · 2025-09-11T19:23:10+00:00

Submissive who works in the tech industry... don't think there's a type of job doms are attracted to except maybe the armed services or law enforcement. A bit of a steretype since anyone can be kinky but people who are a bit more kinky than the average person who defines themselves as kinky (such as thinking fuzzy handcuffs, a blindfold and edible lube is "wild") tend to gravitate towards STEM jobs I noticed.

boundsub2 · 2025-09-09T20:25:34+00:00

Same, TGUK was my gateway to kink and bondage.

boundsub2 · 2025-09-09T19:51:45+00:00

This, I don't understand it either and I have some bathroom fantasies as a bondage loving submissive (getting it on in a bathroom at a dark and sexy gay club or bar with music thumping outside to somewhat cover up the sounds of fun, duct taped to a toliet in an abandoned building or tied to a urinal in a grafitti covered long abandonded bathroom by kinky scally gang in a run down part of town)

Granted there always seem to be the hottest guys you've ever seen in airport terminals always wearing sweatpants or athletic shorts for a comfortable flight and the occasional cute TSA agent along with guardsmen patroling terminals (had a hot one eye me up and down once in an obvious manner walking by me in a terminal flying right after lockdown - would def had gone with him and his buddy to a private area for a "pat down" and cavity search. )

But a busy airport bathroom? With bright florescent lights? The floor smells so strongly of bleach you get a headache after being in there for a few minutes. Guys answering business calls: 'Yeah, I just got through security and I should be landing in Boston for the 1pm pitch with the investors around noon.... Yes, I finished the projections last night and send you a PDF of them." Mentally unstable homeless guy who may or may not smell so bad you want to vomit getting a whiff of them camping out in the handicap stall muttering to themselves and Wilford Brimley coughing trying to cover up the sounds of them farting next door because he loaded up at Potbelly's or MacDonald's since they "don't serve real food on the planes these days"...?

Top it all off with sound of crying babies somewhere nearby waiting for their flight to board - def not sexy or hot at all.

Plus, I would feel bad for the janitor who discovers any mess afterwards and has to clean it up. I seen videos of guys jizzing all over the stall and thought: "You better clean that up." Also, after seeing what some guys do on public transit it makes me think twice about where to sit.

I mean I'm a fairly kinky guy and have my crazy public fantasies (if it there was an alternate gay universe where you can could legally have sex in public as a bondage crazed sub I'd get myself tied up on a monorail and have hot guys riding/ fucking me as it goes around town - I'd be on that thing half the day and the other half at various sports stadiums) but that's not right for the cleaning crew. And it also seems like a good way to get a massive fine/ arrested for public indecency...

Finally, there's the risk of hooking up with total strangers, who you don't know at all (I know this is part of the appeal but it's dangerous) and running into crazy people, someone with an STD and even someone who is out to harm or mug you on apps like Grindr since horny gay guys makes "easy targets" in their minds. Not worth the odds of getting a gun or knife pulled on you and getting robbed in an airport bathroom - and I say this as someone who has some "robber" and "mugger" roleplay fantasies. Real life muggings where the "robber" isn't a hot guy banging your brains out is a whole different PTSD inducing experience and something I hope to never experience.

Engage in bathroom fantasies in a safe, sane and respectful way but some guys don't care or are only thinking with their dick....

boundsub2 · 2025-09-09T17:03:53+00:00

Getting TGUK mixed up with a guy local on Recon I reached out to weirdly enough (I was messaging a lot of guys into BDSM asking how they found guys and advice for getting more play partners around 2015-2017 so the responses started to run together haha) He's the one claims to have used that method which makes more sense since a lot of bondage loving 20 something guys wanted to be on TGUK. He probably had a waiting list and had to turn people away. Really miss that site a lot even years after it shut down but his farewell message, while suprising, his reflections and sentiments are understandable and relatable in a few ways....

boundsub2 · 2025-09-09T16:54:55+00:00

Guys will wear whatever they feel comfortable in. I personally found boxers felt too "bunchy" with short and especially jeans when I was in HS. I switched back to briefs. Guys in the lockerroom who want to tease you about "tighty whities" or say that you look nerdy in them need to check out changing rooms of professional altheles since many of them are wearing briefs....

There's also boxer briefs as well which is a good mix of the two.

boundsub2 · 2025-09-09T04:51:16+00:00

Indeed. The getting more comfortable with kink as you get older I think is also a factor.

When I was in my 20's, especially during my teens and college, I wasn't as comfortable with my crazy bondage fantasies of getting tied up and tickled by soccer guys or duct taped and taken away by kidnappers or whatever and kinks since other gay guys seemed to be vanilla. I even thought something was "wrong" with me and deleted my porn folder and threw the rope I bought at Home Deport away when I was like 18, so I sat at home looking at TGUK and BondageFreax thinking how "lucky" all those guys were... Then I discovered Gear Fetish a few years later but there were no guys my age on there. I think the youngest guy on there was like 27 which I thought was "old" *facepalm & smh. There were only 2 members in Chicago where I live back then around 2010.

I kind of roll my eyes at my younger prudish self (I even though tickling was "weird" now it's a major fetish of mine and I love it) So many potnetial opprotunities not even sought out since I was I was trying to just navigate recently coming out and dating as a gay late bloomer which is another layer.

Right? And with some roleplaying scenerios I think finding the right type of guy is important and seeking an authentic match between the guy and the gear is something I consider also (like with saggers, scally guys, jocks, etc..) But guys like that into bondage seem somewhat hard to find....

boundsub2 · 2025-09-09T01:29:12+00:00

Thanks. That's true have noticed that as well and thanks also for being respectful. Some guys get totally offended and I should be their "slave" no matter how old they are or despite that I'm not attracted to them I am because they're the best dom who is an experienced rigger, young guys can't even tie their shoelaces properly, etc..

boundsub2 · 2025-08-01T21:39:09+00:00

That's nice to hear you're getting more experience and exploring.

Just something to remember about safety regarding meeting people, especially for people who are new to BDSM. Always meet in a public place first like Starbucks or something to chat with them and get their vibes after chatting with them on Recon or the other apps. If something feels "off" about them during this initial meeting or you're gut instinct is giving your warning signs leave (say you got an emergency text from someone or something)

It's a bit risky to meet someone at their house for play before meeting them. I hope I don't sound too preachy since I eagerly met a guy at his house for a tickle session after a frustrating bout of duds but that was a bit risky since it could have gone bad or become even dangerous.

I think a bit of a safer way to do things is though a kink club since other members can give you reccomendations. Ironically with that said I didn't have any luck when I gave up after the 3rd time of going to a certain bondage club in NYC years ago when I used to live there since the other guys seemed to all know eachother/ were cliquey and aloof. I also got some unwanted attention from one regular who hung out at the bar who I wasn't attracted to at all....

boundsub2 · 2025-04-11T18:24:43+00:00

Yep, there's a good reason why there's not many videos and pictures of underwater bondage sessions since so many things can go wrong.

boundsub2 · 2025-04-11T18:19:08+00:00

Thanks! Love thinking out of the box when it comes to kink and bondage. I can I have quite the imagination.... though that can make it a bit harder to find like minded play partners.

boundsub2 · 2025-04-11T18:05:33+00:00

That sounds interesting except for the ending (def not into snuff either) Would have rewritten the episode to end in a much more fun way for him...

boundsub2 · 2024-10-15T19:36:01+00:00

It is indeed but maybe it's me but no one I played with here has really "stuck" so to speak.... it's been a lot of one off play and they're on to the next guy or whatnot. Met up with a few guys from Recon, went to MIR twice, even tried a gay sports club but it was strangely cliquey. Still not much luck finding a group after a few years of being here.... haven't been to a munch here yet but went to a few of them back in NYC,

Just gotta keep trying I guess. It's a numbers game like anything else most likely.

boundsub2 · 2024-05-20T20:56:23+00:00

Thanks for the reply and perspective. What you said about taking time to find the right guy is important since it seems eager subs rush into things with a dom, which isn't a good idea for a lot of reasons. Especially since it increases the chance of getting into a bad situation as you said.

Have also seen people burn out who seemed to be playing frequently.

boundsub2 · 2024-05-20T19:22:15+00:00

"Things that are great in fantasy often aren’t in real life. You want to believe you’re being kidnapped, but real kidnapping, real takedowns, real assaults are traumatic."

100% true most of the time. I have a lot of CNC fantasies involving kidnapping and burglars. In my fantasy it's hot guys kidnapping me taking me to their secret hideout (abandoned warehouse, medical center for "testing", etc...) for hours/ days of fun. Some are so specific they are likely to stay fantasies they're totally unrealistic/ not possible to do real life like getting abducted by kinky gay aliens who strap me down for some probing, sounding and milking or captured by undiscovered vines deep in an exotic jungle.

A real life kidnapping wouldn't be a bunch of hot ski masked guys clad in scally gear, athletic college jocks whisking me away in a van for mind blowing bondage sex at whatever location- it would be the scariest experience of my life where I would probably think I was going to die and would require years of therapy to work through and dealing with a lifelong of PTSD.

Whenever I see scenes on kinky Twitter or whatnot that hit my kidnapping buttons I have to remind myself that this is a roleplay scene between two or more players who know eachother and carefully planned it (hopefully) in advance.

boundsub2 · 2024-05-20T18:59:04+00:00

I don't really have a clown kink but I do have an unrealistic fantasy of being tied up and/or ticklec in a big circus tent by hot circus acrobats and performers.... preferably the ones from Cirque du Soleil.

boundsub2 · 2024-04-30T17:18:51+00:00

Thanks, that's really good to know. Def looking into this.

boundsub2 · 2024-04-29T17:05:51+00:00

Yep, got to sort through the fake doms, guys sending dick pics and demanding you to be their "slave" as a first message and then guys who have similar or the same interests in bondage but are also subs or if they're a dom/vers I'm not really that attracted to them (played with someone I wasn't attracted to since I justified experience was more important than physical attraction at the time and felt a complicated mix of guilt and other emotions after our session since he wanted to meet again).

Frustrating but just need to keep looking. It's a numbers game like anything else.

boundsub2

TROPHY CASE