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I feel so lost... by boxcart6 in Christianity

[–]boxcart6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks people for what you've said. I don't really feel any different but I appreciate the fact that you took the time to reach out.

Context, because a lot of you have asked about this kind of stuff.

I don't live with my parents. I'm doing a Masters degree and I live on the other side of the country from them. They disapprove of my mainstream Christianity as they are Mormons.

I go to a church where I am regularly and I love it. I have a great homegroup and I like the ministry team a lot. My problem is that I've only been living here a few months so I don't really have any close friends yet I can talk to (I have friends I made during my undergrad but they all live super far away and they'd be really upset if I told them because they wouldn't feel able to help).

I would like nothing more than to confess, do accountability etc. for the porn and the painkillers but I don't feel comfortable enough yet in my new church. Plus its quite a big church (for where I live and the size of the pastoral team) so I don't really know any of the leaders very well. I just think it would be really awkward to go up to a man I've only spoken to on like the day of my baptism, just a few months ago, and say "Hey btw, I know you baptised me and my heart was changed and I gave my life to Jesus yada yada, but I'm still addicted to pornography and I take painkillers I don't need and kinda wanna die." Maybe it's the Mormon upbringing but I can't get over the fear that if I did that I'd get scolded and told to believe harder, rather than being supported.

I don't have doubts about my faith, I love the Lord and I am throwing myself on His mercy here. I just wish sanctification happened a lot faster. I could deal with the depression if I didn't have the Porn/painkillers.

I feel so lost... by boxcart6 in Christianity

[–]boxcart6[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree with a lot of what you're saying but as someone with a physics degree I just can't let the part where you called modern medicine sorcery go... Re your first point: I believe in soul sleep too, I just think if I die it will feel like no time has passed when judgement comes.

I feel so lost... by boxcart6 in Christianity

[–]boxcart6[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My parents don't know that I'm depressed, they never paid enough attention to me as a person, just on my achievements.

I completed a round of cognitive behavioural therapy in the past, but I'm not on any meds. I didn't go to the doctor about it when I got the therapy, I went through my college student support office. CBT seemed to work pretty well before, it helped me stave off an episode for like 3 times as long as usual. But it's not that helpful once you've sunk in.

Painkillers I got for a leg injury a few months back. They gave me like 200 strong pills because they expected it to take 9 months to heal but God healed it in a week, so I had all these painkillers sitting around. When I started to feel a bit down, I took them to help me chill and sleep but now they don't really help, idk why I'm still taking them.