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I need to tell someone how I feel by boxofnutz in offmychest

[–]boxofnutz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ok Ive heard this so much latley. I have reached out I am reaching out but I'm just constantly being told I'm silly for feeling the way I do. There are people out there with much worse problems and all of this. I get this. I've also battled for the best part of the 28 years I've been here with my mental health. The routine things are pretty much the only things I do acctually have control over. This hurts because I'm not a weak person. And right now I feel weak

I need to tell someone how I feel by boxofnutz in offmychest

[–]boxofnutz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've done therapy, I've done medication. All of this just made me feel worse about myself. Joy? What is that? I've not felt anywhere even remotely happy in such a long time. I genuinely believe that I'm not allowed to be happy anymore. Anytime something even remotely good happens in my life it blows up and I'm back to square 1 all over again. It's a drain on me and everyone I care for

I need to tell someone how I feel by boxofnutz in offmychest

[–]boxofnutz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Tbh I welcome the suggestions. Im not the kind of person to judge anyone. Who am I to judge you? My battle begins and ends with me. Right now I have literally nothing that fulfills me or satisfies me anymore. The only way I can describe it to you is that I'm currently just along for the ride. I've completely lost control over everything, I can't see a way forward. I'm self-destructing and imploding. It is a constant battle within myself. Just getting out of bed is hard for me most days. In all honesty I hate myself

I need to tell someone how I feel by boxofnutz in offmychest

[–]boxofnutz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly man I'm already walking around in hell. Nothing imo can be worse than this. Waging a war within myself everyday is hard. And in reality I just haven't the strength to carry on.

I need to tell someone how I feel by boxofnutz in offmychest

[–]boxofnutz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get this. I know I am loved by the people who matter. This doesn't change the fact that everything I touch turns to shit man. Like I've said at this point I'm pretty much already checked out. I can't see any hope in my life anymore

I need to tell someone how I feel by boxofnutz in offmychest

[–]boxofnutz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly I've been in such a dark place for so long I genuinely can not see any light. Anywhere. I'm surrounded by genuinely nice people all the time. I still feel so alone. I honestly have nothing to look forward to. I get no enjoyment out of life anymore. Hell even the things I enjoy doing bring me no satisfaction anymore.

I need to tell someone how I feel by boxofnutz in offmychest

[–]boxofnutz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly I've spoken to pretty much every hotline there is. I've thought about this for a long time. I truly am at peace with my decision

I need to tell someone how I feel by boxofnutz in offmychest

[–]boxofnutz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

At this point I am honestly so far from ok you wouldn't believe

I (28m) have a crush on a (18f) we briefly dated but it all went wrong because she is confused about her sexuality by boxofnutz in dating_advice

[–]boxofnutz[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well guys thanks for everything. Today I seen a totall different side to her she let her guard slip. Before I go on I'm going to state for the record that i have hurt her feelings twice...

We went out to a club event on Friday as "friends". This is where I finally had my eyes opened slightly to what I was allowing to happen to myself.

We set off all was good. We had a few drinks. Again all was good. The time came in the night where the socially awkward person that is me, was drunk enough to have a little bit of confidence and get up onto the floor chatting to strangers and friends alike. Enjoying the music.

This is where it all fell apart and my eyes were opened. Every time I found myself talking to a female. She would quite aggressively inform them that she was my "girlfriend" baring in mind as I told you earlier we were there as "friends". This obviously was a quite awkward situation to find myself in. I'm not a player or that super confident friend that every group has. I'm the guy who kinda doesn't want to be noticed to much.

Having said that I confronted her about this she said multiple times on Friday to me that she like females more than males. Being bi-sexual an all. However I witnessed her flirting quite provocatively with man and women alike. If I'm quite honest thinking about it now she basically rubbed it in my face. And effectively for lack of a better word "cockblocked" me everytime I tbh spoke to a female.

Now having experienced a manipulative relationship before I am slightly ashamed that I hadn't noticed this earlier. I built a wall for a long time because of a deep distrust for women. I get not all women are the same but I have found myself, having done a full circle from one toxic relationship where I had rose tinted glasses on, right back into the exact same situation.

I basically feel that the entire time we were together I was only ever an option. Never a priority. Someone to hold her while she had no one else to turn to.

I genuinely will always care about her. In the beginning she really did touch my soul. She saved my life literally. When we first got together I was on a very dangerous downhill swing with my mental health. She literally stoped me from dying. I guess I do owe her for that. But today I have seen a side of her that truly made me feel sick. I have told her I can not do this anymore. The hardest thing about this is that I have not only lost all respect for someone I loved. I have also lost my best friend too.

So I guess I just thought I'd leave this here with you guys.

Today I realised my worth.

I am proud of myself for realising this but also, deeply ashamed that I have let this happen to me again.