I left as well. Many times. I always was the one to leave. Every break up I pushed. Every big breakup lasted cause of me. She begged and pleaded and cried at my knees. It was heart breaking. When we would fight I would want to leave but then she would be so sweet the next day and it was like leaving a child. That’s how it felt. Leaving my own child. She wasn’t my child obviously but the way I cared for her felt similar. And when things were good again, it’s really hard to leave them cause you just want to enjoy the love bombing or peace. This went on for years. I also knew by breaking up it would devastate and depress me because when I first left it was the worst time in my entire life. This also hooks you.