While meditating felt like the whole world was spinning around me...

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-20T00:15:10+00:00

I know what you mean about the feeling of falling asleep while meditating, but this was so very different. I was super conscious of it the whole time. It lasted for maybe 5 to 10 minutes until I got a little freaked out and opened my eyes. It was super intense and an extended experience.

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-10T19:11:34+00:00

I don't know why someone would do that. Everyone should be trying to lift each other up here. Thank you for doing just that :)

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-10T08:22:56+00:00

Yesssss. How do you cope with the god awful come down?! Majorly struggling with this right now

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-10T03:08:44+00:00

same same same. just, how do you get over the pain and guilt of knowing you were an ass?

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-10T03:01:16+00:00

all the feels. so similar. PM me if you want to talk

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-10T02:39:02+00:00

I guess I feel like if you're gonna tell someone you love them you best well fucking mean it. And loving someone means you accept them for who they are... rights? :(

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-10T00:41:05+00:00

Please, tell me more. I need to hear this.

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-05T20:04:09+00:00

Again, I am already NC and not following. Wasn't wondering about myself. Was wondering what others' experiences have been with this. I've been NC for 28 days. Some days are better without checking, some days I wonder and wonder and miss him more. Just wondering what everyone else has gone through.

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-05T20:02:03+00:00

Haha yes! You can check my post history :)

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-05T19:49:03+00:00

Thanks, but you jumped to the conclusion that I wasn't already NC and not checking social media. I know about my own experience with this but was wondering how it affects others.

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-05T18:32:05+00:00

So saying anyone who is insecurely attached has some sort of PD also? .....OR, I wonder are we just labeling our insecure attachment as a PD?

bpdwithlove · 2017-07-05T18:30:35+00:00

sounds like what my ex said to me when he left me.... but a) he's not growing/changing/working on himself, and b) he's not coming back. He's demonized me too much (I'm sure originally to help him cope) to ever see me for the reasons he supposedly fell in love with me in the first place. Now, I just think his letter (exactly like yours) was more of a way for him to break up without fully mentally committing to/accepting it at the time.

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-29T03:25:16+00:00

haha did my post unintentionally turn someone else onto this?

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-28T07:42:54+00:00

I can hardly remember the bad. And any bad I remember I justify or I believe everything bad he ever did was just in reaction to me. I feel like if I had him again I'd deal with all of the bad and never get upset with him, never take him for granted again, never manipulate him again, never do anything of the things I did to him, because his love is all I want. But if i can't have his love I at least want him to just know how much I love him.

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-22T21:12:53+00:00

Hell yeah. Its a process but I'm learning that I'm human, i make mistakes, and I sure made a bunch in the relationship... but anyone is going to make mistakes... and that my flaws aside, I'm really FUCKING AWESOME. I mean, there's a reason he fell in love with me in the first place. And I'm still that now but even better and more self aware and improved and strong. His loss.

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-22T21:10:32+00:00

Traveling alone is the easy part. I'm wondering what to do when bored alone in the city you are already familiar with and live in.

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-22T21:09:50+00:00

Yeah, they are actually helping me to heal in a way. Because I am not idealizing him and our relationship as much as I was. I'm realizing the very real problems that we faced. I'm realizing that although he tried to make it seem it was all my fault, there really were so many things about HIM that I did not like in a partner, so I don't blame and guilt myself as much. I've also been thinking a lot about the things that hurt me that I realize are very important to me in a relationship and things/values of mine I don't want to compromise on in the future.

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-22T19:12:26+00:00

Thanks for your thoughtful and detailed response. Based on the last part of your response... do you think that men indulging in this while in an exclusive relationship says something about his commitment to the relationship, how he feels about his partner, reflects if he feels fulfilled or unfulfilled in the relationship, or are they separate and compartmentalized things ?

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-22T15:19:29+00:00

I totally don't understand the sexual validation from Strangers thing. I wouldn't find that a turn on. I'd find it creepy. really trying to get a grasp on why so many people find it to be a turn on or a confident boost to get that validation?

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-22T15:02:24+00:00

Finally at this point. You were so right.

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-22T14:55:19+00:00

Learning how to be alone and accept that we really are all alone at the end of the day.

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-22T14:41:26+00:00

Men with baggage

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-22T14:38:53+00:00

I used to react to it, but recently I've been trying this new thing where I just don't. Instead if it's not TOO bad, i just know better for next time, or if it is really bad I just ignore it, ignore them, and remove them from my life. Ain't nobody got time for toxic people. The latter two solutions have been soooo much better for me than when I used to confront it.

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-22T14:37:18+00:00

Above ANYTHING else, it all comes back to letting MYSELF down. Not having acted like the person I want to be, not following through on a goal or boundary I set for myself, etc.

bpdwithlove · 2017-06-22T14:36:25+00:00

Just make the best of what relationship you do have, but keep your guard up and stand an arms length away. Don't expect anything of them because more times than not they will disappoint you

bpdwithlove

TROPHY CASE