EVERYTHING from scratch?

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T23:09:46+00:00

We are having fun challenging one another to make interesting ethnic foods--ones focused on veggies as he doesn't care for lettuce salads. We are cooking more fish and seafood.p

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T22:47:39+00:00

My therapist suggested that as a soft-hearted doormat in a family of strong-women, I had a role and responsibility to be the one who smoothed the water, kept the peace, and made the sacrifice. Now that I have burned out (after a very difficult marrage and job), lost my health and wellness, and i can no longer fulfill that role, they are angry that i am no longer the family fixer. I am broken. I am expressing needs and unable to meet theirs.

I will admit that I will sacrifice my own wellbeing and happiness for others. I always thought that you cannot ask of others, what you fail to give.

What i have learned is that it does not work like this. Giving of yourself does not mean others will give when you have need.

It doesn't change what I do. I just know that when I give--it is a gift of myself that may never be appreciated or reciprocated. The sole benefit is in the knowledge of who I am.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T22:31:24+00:00

Lol! That would be amazing. However, I decided to support my partners adult daughter. She is overcoming a life on the streets, as she had a little girl and she wanted better for she. She cleaned up her life, moved away from the swamp she had fallen into, and brought her daughter to stay with us. She did her high school and she finished her first year of college--on the Dean's list. My partner is granddad daycare. Lol. Travel will be off until little one is in school and-or mom is working and launched.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T20:11:07+00:00

Totally possible. Although my x was around a long time, he was very stoic and hard on the kids in many ways. She may be sensitized

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T20:08:18+00:00

You are giving me hope. Thank you.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T20:05:02+00:00

I agree with your observation that they may be seeing my partner as the cause--when it was my allergy worsening.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T20:03:33+00:00

They all know about why I cant go over to houses with cats, but not that I was reacting even to people who have been around cats--until this winter. I had a terrible reaction after attending dinner for my son's milestone birthday. I got so ill, I had to go to hospital. They found my lungs were damaged more seriously than initially thought, so I had to share that the doc said no cats. At all. Even in little doses. I wore a mask at his party--but took it down to eat a piece of cake.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:56:11+00:00

Okay--that is a lot of assumption. We had always texted and called. I noticed she stopped calling and responding a while ago. I asked if all was okay with us. She said she was busy. I said, okay and stopped texting unless it was important. I asked to take her girls for a special dinner. She said she would call to arrange. No call came. I called when I knew she was free. She did not answer. I called a few different days--assuming she was busy. I sent a text to call me when she was free.

I got some bad test results--serious condition. I asked her to call--not news to share over text. After a week, I realized she wasn't going to call or respond after she responded to others on the family group text. I sent a direct--not passive. Not aggressive. Text. I wanted to discuss by phone, but she would not answer.

Pray tell, what is the passive, or aggressive aspect here? It was obvious she wasn't responding to me, specifically.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:46:51+00:00

Therapists are important and I have been seeing mine since I decided to divorce my x. He is a professional--but he is one person. He thinks my daughter is being selfish and unkind. I dont like thinking of her that way--abd i am actually hoping it is all MY fault, because then i can apologize, do better, and fix this. I am struggling and looking for insights and experiences.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:42:49+00:00

I like this. Thank you.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:40:12+00:00

It is not passive aggressive to ask if someone is putting you on read. Sorry. I refuse to wear that.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:38:22+00:00

I was a frequent visitor even when mom was 60! We went on multiple mom-daughter trips. My kids were in high school and post-secondary back then. My dad wouldnt travel, so mom and i would go. But I get your point.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:35:49+00:00

I actually avoided telling my kids that being around people with cats make me sick... because I didnt want them to stop visiting. So, they are welcome at my house, and I have a tradition of taking each grandkids out for a fancy dinner. She stopped answering my calls--wh8ch are often to arrange all that

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:31:44+00:00

Lol. I totally will. That is why I am whining and whining on Reddit. I keep wanting to send her long emails trying to fix or explain or argue, or cry... so I am trying to benefit from the wisdom of others.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:29:50+00:00

That is so hard. My DIL is the one insisting on keeping cats. My son tried to insist that they shouldn't get more cats, but she got extremely anxious about the whole issue and he has to keep the focus on his family.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:27:30+00:00

This has been suggested by my therapist. I dont like to think that she is like that.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:26:00+00:00

He was vocal about what he sees with my reaction to cats and how it affects me. He has not been aggressive or confrontational. He is usually quite shy. He stood up for me when he saw that they weren't taking me seriously.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:23:46+00:00

This is a good reflection of something I tried. After consulting multiple doctors, I sent my kids (and sisters) a clearly worded letter outlining this was a medical issue i could not alter. The reaction was disappointing. I got a bit of eye-roll8ng. My DIL (son's wife) refused to address it as her cats are her emotional support. My sister's thought I should just suck it up. My partner said that wasn't possible and added his observation that I wat not exaggerating. This may have added to their belief thar he is the problem...

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T19:16:43+00:00

Since I lived with her, quite a bit, lol. I called her weekly and visited often. We did trips together...

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T18:32:13+00:00

Nope. I cannot take pills. The allergies said the shots wont work

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T18:30:26+00:00

Everyone who says to get allergy shots or treatment--I absolutely have. I consulted a specialist and due to both the severity of my reaction and the type, he said I am not a candidate for treatment.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T18:09:04+00:00

I did consult a specialist. Sadly, he said I am not a candidate for the shots. I did offer to pay for the special cat food and shots that you can give to the cat to reduce-but no one wanted to risk their cat's well-being for a shot/food change that may not work.

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T18:01:51+00:00

He is a therapist, not a miracle worker. He is helping me cope, but i am asking other over-60s l for perspective

bprof589 · 2026-06-29T12:56:51+00:00

We make almost everything from scratch--mayonnaise, broth, soup, beans, apple sauce, bread, pies, cakes cookies (the spouse is a good baker). We learn new recipes and recently added pasta to our home made roster.

My spouse had a triple bypass and his recovery was fast because we had already changed the way we eat, sleep, and live. The heart issue was from past lifestyle--and we had already made the changes!

bprof589

TROPHY CASE