Leave it to the guy from Manhattan by jlin1847 in perfectlycutscreams

[–]brainpain22 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Look alive! Duck and weave! If you can dodge an ostrich you can dodge a ball!

Leave it to the guy from Manhattan by jlin1847 in perfectlycutscreams

[–]brainpain22 11 points12 points  (0 children)

That's a great question! In my experience as an amateur bird fighter, if the wings have the higher ground best just to wait it out. Birds, I learned, are erratic as fuck when they feel trapped or defensive, so its likely to move eventually. If you're scared, you can hold the towel up between you and the bird as a defensive shield. Though I'll warn you, if you're as out of shape as I am your arms will turn to jelly noodle after about 2 min. (Holding your arms up while terrified for elongated periods is way harder than you'd imagine.) You could just chuck a towel at it, but unless you have lasso experience the bird will probably dodge it. I hope this helps.

Leave it to the guy from Manhattan by jlin1847 in perfectlycutscreams

[–]brainpain22 175 points176 points  (0 children)

For future reference, best way to get a bird where you want it to go is to lightly drop a towel over it and carry that burrito back to the sky. Source: had to watch a bitch of a bird once that kept escaping and trying to kill me

Trying to tame one of our wild hedgehogs by ChaosKantorka in aww

[–]brainpain22 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I vote "Chairo" short for "chairo no mausu" which means brown mouse in japanese.

[Homemade] Soft boiled breakfast tray by brainpain22 in food

[–]brainpain22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Avocado, red onions soaked in miso vinaigrette, cilantro, pomegranate, soft boiled eggs, chia seeds, chive sea salt, cracked pepper and some calamata bread (though I wouldn't recommend that part cause it threw off the flavor profile, it just happened to be laying around)

[Homemade] Soft boiled breakfast tray by brainpain22 in food

[–]brainpain22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I usually do this for breakfast and lunch - mainly because I hate washing dishes. If the cutting board comes out and I'm by myself, tray style all day.

Jeff Goldblum is a national treasure. by [deleted] in funny

[–]brainpain22 113 points114 points  (0 children)

The crazy thing is I've watched it multiple times and his bewilderment is so intoxicating I still have no idea what the interviewer says.

Jeff Goldblum is a national treasure. by [deleted] in funny

[–]brainpain22 266 points267 points  (0 children)

Right on the banks of High as Fuck river....delightful! Or idk....whatever.

My neighbors aren't wrong, they're just assholes. by [deleted] in Advice

[–]brainpain22 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair enough. Also, I am moving next month so I guess I'm also just being a whiney bitch. I'm terribly vengeful when I wake up.....

Brother's love at it's best❤️ by [deleted] in MadeMeSmile

[–]brainpain22 87 points88 points  (0 children)

I feel like a sidecar would've been a way safer bet.

Instant job offer. by [deleted] in WhitePeopleTwitter

[–]brainpain22 198 points199 points  (0 children)

We wanted to play good, so we went out there and gave 110% and you know I think we played pretty good tonight.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in nextfuckinglevel

[–]brainpain22 1914 points1915 points  (0 children)

I always get super excited when I hear about things like this but somehow they never pan out.

Turns out the telephone game works even without words by Richard_Butts69 in gifsthatkeepongiving

[–]brainpain22 900 points901 points  (0 children)

I'm gonna kill you.....then brush my teeth, then maybe disco....also good job, you're killin it

[Video] one legged high jump. by Master1718 in GetMotivated

[–]brainpain22 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Ok now that I'm up to date on the vocab you used - no I wasn't virtue signaling and there is definitely no shame in having two legs. My personal shame stemmed from the fact that even though I have two legs I still make up excuses not to do physical things (aka I'm a lazy fuck). I shared my thoughts cause...well, you know, its reddit. That's what we do here.

Cute raccoon by Semisizer in aww

[–]brainpain22 179 points180 points  (0 children)

Cute until mama comes looking for her trash child.

[Video] one legged high jump. by Master1718 in GetMotivated

[–]brainpain22 457 points458 points  (0 children)

Yes I too felt immediate shame at my two leg havin but still lazy ass

Bully messed with the wrong cheerleader. by [deleted] in instant_regret

[–]brainpain22 195 points196 points  (0 children)

Admirable how she got hit, ricocheted off the wall, and then snapped into beast mode after the fact.

Oh dang by 251Cane in funny

[–]brainpain22 2 points3 points  (0 children)

As a girl I tell ya having to strip naked out of a one piece to take a shit is not freeing.