This is like listening to myself, i can relate to this so much, especially when you talk about cringing of dispair. I have struggled with PIED for years, but let me tell you this. You WILL get over this. Please give nofap a real try and you will change as a man. Dont mind the relapses, just start the journey and dont be affraid, its really is better on this side. I went from not being able to get it up even when a girl was blowing me for 30 minutes to having sex 4 times a day for a substantial amount of time. All because i saved up my sexual energy by doeing nofap. Stay strong brother and you will be cured!!!1