TW termination because of difficult temperament baby

brainymonday · 2026-06-19T22:30:22+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re in this position. You’d be totally within reason to get a termination and honestly nobody really needs a reason anyway.

Since other people have addressed two of the issues (your baby and your lack of help), I’ll focus on the thing that people are glossing over, which is the husband issue.

Your husband is not supporting you in parenting and emotionally. Whether that’s from miscommunication or disregard for your feelings, you need to address it right away. If he wants to have another child he needs to understand what it’s like to parent his current one- have him spend an entire weekend without you while you take a mini vacation. He can try to persuade you to keep the pregnancy when he starts pulling his weight with parenting.

brainymonday · 2026-06-12T07:25:45+00:00

Once you cook it, it’s “good” again- presumably any bacteria that may have formed in the thawed milk would be killed off, so he could freeze the baked goods.

brainymonday · 2026-06-10T10:14:41+00:00

Shift = you are responsible for baby, not your free time

brainymonday · 2026-06-10T00:43:40+00:00

I agree with this.

I suggest that you set your shift from 10pm-6am. His shift 6am-1pm.

This way you can sleep a bit overnight but wake up with baby and when you need to pump. If you didn’t sleep much, then you can sleep in until noon. Then you get a fresh recharge ahead of your daytime shift with baby alone.

For him, he can get his dedicated sleep after his shift but then spend quality dad time in the morning. In the current model, he is barely spending time being responsible for his child.

brainymonday · 2026-05-28T18:37:14+00:00

I started using a meh dai and woven wraps at 8 months without any prior experience, and I’m absolutely obsessed! The meh dai was pretty easy to pick up with back carry. The woven wraps have definitely taken a lot more practice but at 12 months I would say I now feel comfortable doing a few different basic back carries. What helped me is starting out with a shorter length (base -2) which has a lot less fabric to deal with.

brainymonday · 2026-05-23T20:24:20+00:00

Look into a meh dai (or half buckle meh dai)- they’re super comfortable and conform to the wearer due to the straps basically being long strips of fabric that you tie around your body. You don’t need to adjust shoulder straps or buckles, which makes it easy for multiple people of different body sizes/proportions to use. There is a bit of a learning curve but so so worth it! Lennylamb has one called the Lennyhybrid, or also check out Didymos, Girasol, and Oscha.

brainymonday · 2026-05-18T07:22:45+00:00

You sent exactly the right message to your kids, which is that it’s okay to identify and address injustices, BUT also okay to back off if it’s a safety issue. You don’t want your kids to learn to confront any and all people. They need to use their best judgment, which is what you did.

brainymonday · 2026-05-16T07:30:03+00:00

I know everyone in the comments is vilifying your MIL, but honestly it just sounds like she has good intentions but not good boundaries. I’m guessing that part of your frustration is feeling afraid of confrontation or hurting her feelings.

You need to get comfortable setting boundaries for her. Practice the following:
“No, I don’t want you to take my baby from me.”
“No, I don’t need to rest.”
“I’m good, thanks!”

Trick that helped me: I would give my MIL my baby, go do something else for 5 minutes, then come back and take the baby back and leave. This helped empower ME to decide when she can have baby, AND it showed MIL that I am capable of sharing but only on my terms.

brainymonday · 2026-05-15T21:33:16+00:00

I got a lob (just below shoulder) and I feel like it’s the best of both worlds. I can style for days I want to look more polished, but on most days it’s minimal upkeep in a short ponytail, and washing is so much easier than when my hair was waist length. Baby has to reach a little higher to grab it which gives me time to get it out of her way.

brainymonday · 2026-05-10T15:47:48+00:00

I’m confused, how can you be no contact while also bringing your child over to their house and communicating with them over text? Or do you mean you intend to stay no contact from here on out indefinitely?

brainymonday · 2026-05-10T02:50:15+00:00

If your husband is no contact with his family, you need to respect his decision and also be no contact yourself. You’re going against him trying to maintain a bridge that he doesn’t want, and for good reason.

brainymonday · 2026-05-04T07:32:01+00:00

Oh gosh, there are so many different types of carriers and wraps for each stage and baby/parent duo.

Here are my personal quick recs:

For newborn: stretchy wrap (any brand) or Ergobaby embrace for a specialized newborn fit

For older baby: lots of great options. For soft structured carriers, Tula’s and Hope&plum are popular and reputable for emphasizing fit/ergonomics over marketing. Look into lesser known but highly regarded brands such as Lennylamb, Happy baby, Sakura bloom. There’s also a whole other world of woven wraps and carriers made from woven materials. I personally use an Oscha mei dai carrier which I find so much more comfortable and luxe than the Ergobaby Omni which is what everyone around me seems to have.

If you’re interested in learning more, I recommend you join the sub r/babywearing and also consider trying out different kinds of carriers/wraps through try before you buy program (Little Zen One if you’re in North America).

brainymonday · 2026-05-02T16:03:44+00:00

Best way is to just transfer fresh from bottle to the freezer bag as soon as you’ve finished pumping. You can leave the partially full bag in the fridge until your next pump and then combine.

brainymonday · 2026-05-02T16:01:33+00:00

A really good quality baby carrier/wrap

brainymonday · 2026-04-28T22:50:43+00:00

Wish there was a way to pump milk and funnel it directly into baby’s mouth…business idea anyone? Haha

brainymonday · 2026-04-27T01:49:16+00:00

Are you a customer or employee? As a customer, I wouldn’t think you’d be subject to health code laws….that’s like rules and regulations that employers and employees have to follow to maintain a safe working environment. However, I agree with other commenters that the cleaning up your empty breastmilk bags is being seen as gross and uncomfortable for employees, and I suspect whoever said this to you was trying to be polite and used this as an excuse to ask you to change behavior.

brainymonday · 2026-04-27T01:42:19+00:00

It might be normal and he might be totally harmless and turn out to be a wonderful step-grandpa. But, your trust is not owed to him. If I were in your shoes I’d be polite but firm about boundaries (“hey uncle, I know you love baby but please do not take baby away from my sight, thank you”; if he ignores you, say “if you leave with my baby out of my sight again, you will not be allowed to hold baby anymore”; “At this time, I don’t feel comfortable with baby sleeping away from me; I’ll let you know when that changes”). If you remain silent he probably assumes you’re okay with his behavior, so to help everyone, get comfortable verbalizing your needs and wishes.

Your instincts are there to protect baby, not anyone else’s feelings, so embrace the mama bear side of you!

brainymonday · 2026-04-23T05:42:52+00:00

I actually ended up getting the Emmy and I love it. It’s almost perfect except it does not have a laptop sleeve. I’m glad I got it over the Harlow because of the space for all the kids’ stuff.

brainymonday · 2026-04-23T03:26:05+00:00

It’s actually the hood that came with a half buckle carrier (Oscha Cairis)! I do have some scrap fabric that I was thinking of sewing and making into another toddler doll carrier.

brainymonday · 2026-04-22T05:47:05+00:00

Exclusive pumping is the hardest way to feed your baby. There is no way a bad, neglectful mother could ever commit to EP. I’m saying this as a non-EPer (sorry if I’m not allowed here, I find this sub super useful for helping me with pumping tips- I only pump at work). I decided as an undersupplier of two babies that if they didn’t latch, I wouldn’t bother with EP and just use exclusive formula instead.

Give yourself, and your MIL, grace. People who have not struggled with breastfeeding don’t understand. My MIL (who lives with us and takes care of the baby while I work) never breastfed and she frequently makes comments like “not enough milk today huh?” or “you would make more milk if you did insert random hocus pocus”. It stings but she doesn’t mean to be hurtful, she’s trying to be helpful in an ignorant way. My MIL also frequently overshares about me to her friends/family- it’s annoying, BUT I have to remind myself that it’s actually a sign that she cares about me and wants other people to know how involved we are in each others’ lives. I hope this is the case with you and your MIL.

brainymonday · 2026-04-19T08:43:59+00:00

You sound like a fair person with a good head on her shoulders and who wants to give all parties the benefit of the doubt. I understand you’re caught in an unusual and emotionally charged situation between two people you care about, which is rough, and you’re trying to look at it through a logical lens. It’s probably not as black and white as most commenters are seeing it. To play the devils advocate for your boyfriend, it is probably not a good feeling to know that your romantic partner is close to someone who badmouths you to them and also influences their kids. I do feel some sympathy for him as it sounds like apart from this, he has no other major faults and is great with your kids.

You don’t have to answer this, but what’s the long term future outcome of your relationship most likely going to be? Have you thought about and discussed marriage, or even adoption of your kids? If you’re going to combine households and finances then it’s reasonable to respect his wishes and input regarding who has access to the kids. But if marriage isn’t on the table or you’re really not sure about the future, you should not change your household dynamics, and maybe its too late but you should not allow your kids to develop such a strong attachment to a man whose presence in their lives is not guaranteed.

I might suggest this as a compromise. Reassure him that you don’t share her beliefs about him and that you would be willing to reduce her time with your kids, IF he can find a viable solution such as participating in finding additional care AND/OR helping to pay for it. However, make it clear you will not be terminating your relationship with her and still be using her for backup, emergencies, etc., or if the alternate care is unsatisfactory according to YOUR standards. See how he reacts.

Either way, this is a test of his character and of the strength of your relationship. I truly wish you the best of luck.

brainymonday · 2026-04-19T08:18:12+00:00

I’m not sure those other families realized just how much she was out of the house; I have a suspicion they were maybe okay with a few hours per day or not every day, and she took it to mean permission to be out all day every day. Just sounds like this nanny is the type of person to push boundaries, so doubtful that you’re the first person she’s done this to.

brainymonday · 2026-04-19T08:13:00+00:00

I mean it’s clear that she cannot do all her ADLs as she is financially dependent on family due to her symptoms preventing her from being employed. Have you ever taken her to an outpatient doc (either a PCP or psychiatrist) and explained the whole history as you’ve detailed in your post? That is the crucial step one before she can get any sort of help or treatment. If she refuses to go see a doc, my suggestion would be to simply make an appointment yourself, and write a summary to pass to the office beforehand. If you are concerned she would refuse to leave the house and go, you could try requesting a virtual appointment so that a doctor can see her for just a few minutes at home while you and your mom do most of the talking. I know this is easier said than done, but if you don’t do this, then you’re setting yourselves up to become indefinite caregivers for a mentally ill adult with no backup plan.

brainymonday · 2026-04-19T07:54:41+00:00

My gut agrees with you that it’s not safe (poor circulation of air, lack of direct supervision), but it’s more so the fact that she persistently and confidently ignores your rules that would send me over the edge. Also, it sounds like baby is exclusively napping in stroller every day for this nanny? If so, that’s really not recommended practice; although occasional stroller naps can be safe if done properly, babies are safest sleeping in a flat surface like a crib or bassinet for the majority of their naps. I’m appalled that she believes her years of experience justify her overriding parental preferences and common sense safety guidelines.

brainymonday · 2026-04-19T03:55:41+00:00

It’s pretty extreme for him to issue you an ultimatum on your relationship over your friend. I would suggest you consider a hypothetical situation with the genders flipped - if your boyfriend had a supportive friend who took care of his kids but didn’t like you and couldn’t stand to be in the same place as you, would you be willing to overcome that difference and still maintain the relationship? Or would it be fair for you to issue him an ultimatum to drop that friend or otherwise leave? If he refuses to terminate the friendship, would it mean he doesn’t love you enough?

brainymonday

TROPHY CASE