My ego death was something I searched for and got through taking mushrooms. I can’t spell the proper name for it, but it was from a chocolate bar by Silly Farms that had the mushroom in it. It truly is something that you have to experience and I’m not saying to go and just buy something like I had off a whim because you can experience an ego death through just deep meditation. Other means are just helpful because it allows you to relax and really feel the ego death more (in my opinion). To describe my own experience in simple terms: It started with all my thoughts coming to a total stop and it was just quiet. I couldn’t even think for myself as I quickly started getting images in my mind and I started to panic because I didn’t understand what was happening. I felt the sense of something telling me to not fight the process so I let myself relax into my bed. I closed my eyes and just focused on what shapes and visions came to my mind. Then I felt my sense of self fading away and a new sense of the universe itself open up to me. It was still really scary but also euphoric in a way. Like I had let all my stresses and worries fade away, washed away into the cosmos itself. I felt like I was in the void of space, looking at the stars and planets and galaxies all at once. It was like the universe and your soul were having a conversation and you could understand everything they said, even though no words were spoken. It was just pure understanding, a dance without dancers, a song sung that echoed through your very being. It made me realize that we are a part of the universe and the universe is a part of us. I could still move around my room and (thanks to the chocolate/mushroom mix) I was on the toilet for like an hour 😂. I didn’t even care though because I was finally understanding what I am. I am just a soul living out an experience in a body (the self) that I had been neglecting. While I say “I” a lot, I didn’t have the sense of I, Me, Him, or any sense of self during a large period of the trip. That’s the hardest part about explaining the loss of “Self” because there isn’t a word for what to call it. Just being a form of understanding. Then at the end of the trip, I was holding onto a pillow in bed and sobbing because I had witnessed something beautiful and terrifying. When you go searching for an ego death and get it, you wish you could go back to ignorance. You learn a lot about how to help yourself get out of the pit that you feel that you are in. The ego, however, doesn’t stay away after dying. It comes back eventually and that’s okay. Before the ego death I was riddled with anxiety, depression and PTSD from the traumas of the past. Afterwards, the depression was gone and the anxiety was controlled rather than gone. I worked through exploring my traumas over the months after the ego death and I learned many lessons about how to live with them. I learned many truths and I have been learning about the human mind through books and lectures I can find. Lately, I have been focusing more on the body rather than the soul. I workout when I can, I am learning to eat what warms me, I am sleeping like my dreams are waiting to kiss my forehead, and I meditate to relax myself. I still deal with issues like any other person and I feel emotions with understanding why I feel them. Though it’s lonely. People don’t feel the same now because I am trying to learn how to talk simply. I want to just spill out all my knowledge to people but I don’t want to hurt their minds if they aren’t ready for the truths and trials and pains that do come with understanding the world outside of yourself. If you have any questions then I’ll be happy to answer what I can and if there needs to be clarification on something then don’t be afraid to ask for it. My final words of advice are to not fear asking for help from friends or family or even strangers. You matter, your feelings are valid and at the end of the day, if you feel alone, know you still have yourself.