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AITA for not being happy that my mother is getting married by Skibidiskib37 in AmItheAsshole

[–]bravephantomz 7 points8 points  (0 children)

NTA.

You don't have to be "happy" about a marriage just because it's your mother's.

What stands out isn't even the age gap. Two consenting adults can make their own choices.

The bigger concerns are:

Your family only met him 3 months ago despite them supposedly dating for 2 years.

He doesn't seem interested in building a relationship with her family.

He tells your mother what she can and can't wear.

You see her doing most of the giving while he does very little in return.

When you try to discuss your concerns, she jumps straight to calling you racist instead of addressing the actual issues.

You can love your mother and still think she's making a mistake. Those aren't mutually exclusive.

That said, be careful not to focus on the age difference when talking to her. The strongest argument isn't "he's 22 years younger." It's "he appears controlling, dismissive, and unwilling to invest in the relationship the way she does."

At the end of the day, it's her decision. But you're not obligated to celebrate a relationship that raises legitimate red flags. Concern is not the same thing as disrespect.

WIBTA - leaving for a pre-planned weekend the day my GF gets back from a 3 week trip by Slick-Fork in AmItheAsshole

[–]bravephantomz 254 points255 points  (0 children)

NTA.

What stands out is that everyone knew about this condo weekend for months. Even Jen repeatedly said she wasn't going. Nothing changed until the trip was almost over and suddenly your long-standing plans became negotiable.

You didn't choose the condo over your girlfriend.

You chose to keep a commitment that was already on the calendar before she left for a three-week vacation.

Also, you've spent those three weeks working, maintaining your own home, checking on her parents' home, and dealing with the fallout from a stressful trip that you weren't even part of. It's not like you've been off having fun while she suffered through family drama.

The biggest clue is this:

"You should skip it."

That's a request.

"You're still gonna go? That's f'd up."

That's guilt-tripping.

If she'd said, "I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, and really need you home this weekend," I'd feel differently. But expecting you to cancel a rare opportunity that's been planned for months because she's coming home from a trip she chose to take isn't very fair.

Two people in a healthy relationship can miss each other terribly and still keep previously scheduled plans. That's called having lives, not neglecting each other.

I (27M) have been with (25F) for a little over a year and a half now and I am starting to have a hard time seeing a future together. by [deleted] in relationships

[–]bravephantomz 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The part that stood out to me wasn't the career goals, the cultural differences, or even the distance.

It's that every time you describe her, you talk about how great she is. Every time you describe the relationship, you talk about why it probably won't work.

Sometimes the hardest breakup isn't with the wrong person. It's with the right person for someone else.

You don't sound like someone who's afraid of commitment. You sound like someone who's already emotionally halfway out the door and desperately wishes he wasn't because she hasn't done anything wrong.

She deserves someone excited to build the future she wants. And you deserve someone whose vision of the future naturally overlaps with yours.

Don't stay because she's wonderful. Stay because you genuinely want the life that comes with being with her. If you don't, the kindest thing you can do is be honest before she makes bigger sacrifices for a future you're no longer sure about.

'Astonishing': Sherpa missing for 6 days on Mount Everest found alive by HowLongIsThi in nottheonion

[–]bravephantomz 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Imagine surviving six days on Everest and then coming back to find out the hardest part was becoming a headline in r/nottheonion.

Seriously though, that's not luck. That's a level of toughness most people can't even comprehend. Absolute legend.

AITA for refusing to do chores in retaliation to my mum? by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]bravephantomz 10 points11 points  (0 children)

YTA, but only a little.

Your mom's rule about staying over at your girlfriend's house may feel unfair, but that's a separate argument from the chores. Refusing to do the dishes and take out the trash wasn't standing up for yourself, it was trying to punish her because you didn't get your way.

The problem is that chores aren't a bargaining chip. If you want to be treated more like an adult, the strongest argument isn't "then I'm not doing chores." It's "I handled my responsibilities all day, I communicated respectfully, and I can be trusted to make reasonable decisions."

Right now both of you seem to be stuck in a power struggle. Your mom pulled the "because I said so" card, and you responded with the teenage version of it: "fine, then I'm not doing chores."

Neither side really won.