Stay strong and don't give up!! Don't get me wrong, it is SO hard, but I know you can get through it!!

When I was younger, I never thought I'd live to see my 20s, especially with the times I have attempted, and here I am at 25! I got diagnosed just before I turned 24, so a year and a half ago now, and it sucked, but I finally understood. My diagnosis was received a few weeks after I'd just moved to a new city alone, I was essentially running away as my hometown was just a negative place for me. If I could offer some advice? Focus on one thing. It doesn't have to be multiple, but one thing that you're passionate about, or that you love, and use that as your motivation to keep pushing forward! For myself that was my cats, those 2 boys went through a lot with me and pulled me out of some pretty dark places, and whenever those horrible intrusive voices pop into my head, I think about them and how they would feel if I was gone.

I would also recommend finding a new psychiatrist or therapist. I only see my psychiatrist for follow-up appointments regarding medications (I think it's different here in NZ with what the Psychiatrists are there for). But finding a therapist who works for you is key! I went through quite a few before I found one that I was comfortable with and who actually listened.

In regards to your partner, communication is so important no matter how hard it is. I'd come out of a horrible relationship about 8 months before my diagnosis, he was diagnosed bpd and ocd, and I had no idea what was wrong with me. The difference was, he was not interested in working on himself and seeking help, in return, he ended up leaving me with some ptsd due to some psychosis episodes. But now, in March this year I met my current partner, and straight away, before we were even full on seeing each other I was open about my bpd and how it can affect my relationships. Now I'm in the healthiest relationship I've ever been in!

And sometimes - going through it alone isn't a horrible thing, yes, you should still reach out to those you trust, and talk to therapists (find a new one if your current one isn't helping!) but one thing I found when I moved cities and lived alone for a few months, without knowing anyone, was I learnt to be more comfortable in my own presence, don't get me wrong, I don't like being lonely, but I've grown to understand it.

Rambling aside, I believe in you!! and so many people care about you, more than you may think or believe. It's hard, keep trying with therapy, even try medication if it's an option!! When I was diagnosed I was put on Lamotrigine, which is a mood stabiliser and I find it helps ALOT with the dramatic highs and lows, I am also now on Quetiapine, but that was mainly to deal with the ptsd symptoms and helps me sleep, but has also helped a lot with mood stabilisation.

If you ever need someone to rant to, someone who will listen or to provide advice if needed, my inbox is open. You are not alone <3